


Backs Against the Wall

by jane_x80



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Episode: s01e01 Where No Man Has Gone Before, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Pre-Slash, Tarsus IV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-06 15:38:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 44,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15888984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jane_x80/pseuds/jane_x80
Summary: Spock is completing the unexciting work of observing the Kobayashi Maru exams when all of Starfleet Academy is summoned and sent off on a mission of mercy to assist Vulcan, which has sent out a distress signal. It is a respite from the mundane work of observing cadets taking the Kobayashi Maru exam, since it is a no-win scenario and the outcome never changes. However, he is catapulted into the adventure of a lifetime, alongside Captain Pike and the crew of the new Starfleet flagship, the USS Enterprise.ORA re-telling of the Star Trek (2009) movie, and an AU in which Kirk is not part of Starfleet, never beat the Kobayashi Maru, never snuck aboard the Enterprise with McCoy, but yet still played a large part in saving Earth and the Federation from Nero.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Graduate Vulcan for Fun and Profit](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17969) by [lazulisong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazulisong/pseuds/lazulisong). 



> I did adapt and include some of the movie in this story, although I edited and modified lines, jumbled things around, gave different lines to different people at times, and such. I used [the movie script from this site](http://www.chakoteya.net/Extras/movie2009.html) for the source of the dialogue, although I did watch the movie several times, and I listened to it in the background as I wrote the first half of the story. I haven't marked these passages adapted from the movie, since it got complicated, so please refer to the original script to see what I might have done to twist these lines. :D
> 
> The story is complete. I will be posting (hopefully) a chapter a day for the next week or so.
> 
> While this isn't my first foray into the Star Trek universe, it will be my first long story for it, so please be kind to me. :D
> 
> The title of the story comes from a portion of a line from the Beastie Boy's [Sabotage](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5rRZdiu1UE).  
>  _Cause what you see, you might not get_  
>  _And we can bet, so don't you get souped yet_  
>  _Scheming on a thing, that's a mirage_  
>  _I'm trying to tell you now, it's sabotage_
> 
>  
> 
> _Whhhhhyyyyyy_  
>  _(Our backs are now against the wall)_

**Prologue**

Commander S’chn T’gai Spock son of Sarek, scion of the House of Surak of Vulcan, the only Vulcan to have declined the Vulcan Science Academy and attended and graduated Starfleet Academy instead was standing at attention, hands behind his back, observing yet another cadet go through the Kobayashi Maru test. He had been asked to update the programming for the test the semester prior and was currently observing the fruits of his labor. Every so often he made a note on his PADD, redundant for he was a Vulcan and Vulcans do not forget, but it was part of the written regulation that notes were necessary as part of the formal procedure to update the test, and he was to make a note of all modifications and run them by Academy officials prior to putting it into practice. And while Vulcans do not forget, they are also prone to adhering to regulations, so Spock noted the very minor modifications proposed, so as to not be in violation of said regulations. However there were not many modifications to make note of and the work was not terribly iinteresting.

If Vulcans could feel boredom, Spock could perhaps admit to this malaise, but Vulcans’ control over their emotions were legendary, and it was rumored that Vulcans could not feel. Therefore Spock was not bored. It would be illogical to be bored, even if every cadet that went through the exam seemed to do it by rote and their reactions were completely predictable by now. The Kobayashi Maru had acquired a certain reputation for being unwinnable, simply because it _was_ unwinnable. Spock’s updates had made it even more so, and his work was far more elegant than the original programming. He was Vulcan and he could note this improvement without pride. It was a purely factual observation.

After 2.8 days of observing the Kobayashi Maru test being administered, Spock was satisfied that after his next round of modifications, his work on the test would be complete. By his calculation, there was a 99.38 percent probability that the Kobayashi Maru exam would stand now as is for the next thirty years, if the goal and parameters of the test remained the same. And seeing that the goals and parameters of the Kobayashi Maru test had been unchanged since the inception of Starfleet Academy, it stood to reason that the test would remain as he programmed it for the next thirty years. But, Spock made a mental note to track its progress over the years.

Cadet after cadet left the simulation, dejected by their abject failure. He remembered when he had been a cadet and had taken the Kobayashi Maru himself as all Command track cadets must, and although to say that Spock had been demoralized after the test would imply that Spock felt anything, he had spent the next three weeks meditating about his failures and reliving his every move over and over again in an attempt to gain an understanding of how he might have perhaps performed better, even though he had known that the Kobayashi Maru test was unwinnable. After 3.8 weeks of meditation, Spock had come to the conclusion that he had comported himself as best he could and that he had commanded his ship to the best of his ability and training, and that no one could have asked him for more, not even himself. He put the thoughts of the Kobayashi Maru away as dwelling on things he could not change was illogical. But during those 3.8 weeks, Spock had had to increase his hours of meditation by 72.5 percent, thus decreasing his sleep hours proportionately, in order to come to terms with his failure at the test.

It had been by far the most disturbing part about Starfleet Academy, on par with his childhood experiences with Stonn and his group who could not stop themselves from attempting to elicit an emotional response out of him, even after he had broken Stonn’s nose in an altercation stemming from Stonn calling his human mother derogatory names. And now that Spock was re-writing the test, he found himself trying not to recall those weeks of meditation, and to focus instead on how he could best serve Starfleet by improving upon the Kobayashi Maru coding, as he had committed to the organization in lieu of the Vulcan Science Academy.

Back at his quarters, Spock made himself a cup of tea and scrolled through his PADD, opening Cadet Uhura’s message which was an invitation to dine together. Spock had calculated an 88.42 percent probability that Cadet Uhura was interested in him in a more than faculty-student nature, but he had chosen to ignore all hints she had been giving him. He was, after all, her professor and there would be no impropriety of this sort to mar his unblemished record. But what was more interesting to him was that in the message she also described a transmission that she had intercepted from a Klingon prison planet alleging that a Romulan ship had decimated multiple Klingon warbirds, and when she had reported this to her instructor, he had completely ignored her. Spock responded by sending a simple refusal to share the evening meal as he had work to complete and Cadet Uhura was his student. He also sent off a note to Starfleet Communications regarding the intercepted transmission as Cadet Uhura’s skills were not to be dismissed despite her still only being a cadet.

Spock gave Cadet Uhura a moment’s further consideration. Although he realized that it was highly likely that she was interested in him in a romantic way, he had not allowed such a relationship to be initiated. He had in fact told her to wait until she had graduated Starfleet Academy, and if by then she still had the same feelings for him, he would re-evaluate the decision regarding a romantic relationship with her at that point in time. She was not unattractive, and her mind was one of the most logical that he had ever encountered, especially for a human. But she was still a student and Spock would not cross that line for anyone. He put her out of his thoughts and was just about to begin updating the coding for the Kobayashi Maru when the alert klaxons went off. Immediately Spock gathered his things and headed to the main auditorium, per Starfleet Academy Protocol, to listen to the details of the alert and to take the appropriate action, per the subsequent orders.

There was a flurry of activity after the announcement was made. Cadets and instructors reported to the hangar to be deployed. And before he realized what was going on he had been strong armed into reassigning Cadet Uhura to the Enterprise despite her original assignment to the USS Farragut, and he himself was on board the USS Enterprise, as he was both its first officer and its science officer under Captain Christopher Pike. Their maiden voyage was to be one of rescue, responding to a distress signal from Vulcan itself. Half of the Fleet was in the Laurentian system, therefore all fourth year cadets had been mustered to bolster the staff of the remaining starships docked on Earth.

Spock had to tamp down a pinprick of concern for although he had not been in touch with them after his father’s negative reaction to his rejection of the Vulcan Science Academy, both of his parents were still on Vulcan. For the planet to send out a distress signal to the Federation meant that it was not something to be taken lightly. Vulcan’s resources were not insignificant. He hoped that his mother was in a safe location.

The Enterprise, despite being the flagship, ended up being the last to warp away. After Spock arrived on the bridge and informed the Captain that Engineering was ready for launch, Pike made a small speech regarding the maiden voyage of their newest flagship prior to ordering a course laid in for Vulcan. The replacement pilot had trouble entering warp and after a short delay during which time the pilot struggled to diagnose the issue, Spock asked if the pilot – Hikaru Sulu – had disengaged the external inertial dampeners, which solved the problem. The Enterprise was able to warp away, as ordered.

But halfway through the shipwide mission broadcast by the young Ensign Chekov, whose Standard was quaintly accented as he was of Russian origin, Captain Pike took a deep breath and frowned thoughtfully.

“Lightning storm in space?” he repeated after Ensign Chekov had completed the mission broadcast.

“Aye, captain,” the teenager nodded.

Pike frowned, eyes narrowed as he turned to Spock. “Commander, how susceptible is Vulcan to natural seismic activity?” he asked the Vulcan.

“There is a .004 percent possibility that Vulcan is experiencing natural seismic activity to the point where a general distress call would be issued,” Spock replied calmly, keeping his face blank, although worry bloomed in his chest, accompanied by a flush of shame, which was the norm for him whenever his emotions became evident, if only to himself. “Vulcan is a stable planet whose tectonic plates are no longer experiencing movement.”

“Mr Sulu, reduce speed to Warp 1,” Pike gave the order. “Hannity, hail the USS Truman.”

“Captain, may I inquire the reasons for which we have reduced our speed to minimum warp?” Spock asked.

“Something isn’t right. The last time a lightning storm in space was witnessed, we lost the USS Kelvin,” Pike answered softly. “I wrote my dissertation on this event. The USS Kelvin was attacked by one Romulan ship after something that was described as a ‘lightning storm in space’ was observed.”

“Captain,” Spock remembered the transmission Cadet Uhura had intercepted. “I may have more information.” He touched the communicator. “Cadet Uhura to the bridge immediately,” he said into the communicator before he moved away from it. “Cadet Uhura intercepted a transmission last night.”

“What kind of transmission? Hannity? Are you getting me the Truman?” Pike broke off to frown at his communications officer.

“All the other ships are out of warp, sir, and have arrived at Vulcan, but we seem to have lost all contact,” Hannity responded.

“Tell me more about this intercepted transmission?” Pike turned the frown to Spock.

“Cadet Uhura reported that at twenty three hundred hours last night there was an attack. Forty seven Klingon warbirds were destroyed by Romulans, sir. It was reported that the Romulans were in one ship,” Spock recited the contents of the email that Uhura had sent him.

“Permission to enter the bridge,” a quiet voice called from the turbolift.

“Cadet Uhura?” Pike turned to see a regal looking young woman with long black hair in a ponytail, her skin smooth and dark.

“Yes, sir,” Uhura answered.

“Permission granted,” Pike responded. He saw that she was panting slightly, having probably run to the bridge after such a curt and immediate summons. “Commander Spock was telling us about the transmission you intercepted last night.”

“Forty seven Klingon warbirds were destroyed by Romulans in one massive ship, sir,” Uhura reported tersely.

Pike nodded at her. “Hannity? Anything from the Truman or any of the other ships?”

“No, sir.”

“This feels like a trap,” Pike mused. “Scan Vulcan space for any transmissions in Romulan.”

The lieutenant admitted that he could not distinguish the Romulan language from Vulcan and reported that there was still no contact with any of the Federation starships that had preceded them. Hannity was promptly replaced with Cadet Uhura who was familiar with all three dialects of Romulan.

“Sir, I pick up no Romulan transmission, or transmission of any kind in the area,” Uhura reported.

Pike exchanged a long glance with Spock. No transmission of any kind in the area of a planet that had issued a planet-wide distress signal? That was definitely a warning sign.

“Shields up. Red Alert,” Pike gave the order.


	2. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, some of you might be wondering, where's Kirk? You'll find out in this chapter. And the nature of the AU will also start becoming clearer. :D

**Chapter One**

_“Shields up. Red Alert,” Pike gave the order._

When they came out of warp into Vulcan space, Sulu was forced to execute creative evasive maneuvers to avoid crashing into a graveyard of Federation starships. Despite his inauspicious beginnings, Sulu acquitted himself adequately upon their arrival at Vulcan. And when they spotted the massive Romulan ship, there was a moment of amazed disbelief before the Romulans began firing on them.

Later, there was another moment of shock, where everyone, Spock included, froze when the Romulans ceased its attack on their ship and instead hailed the Enterprise. Its captain, Nero, gave his orders to Captain Pike. Even more surprising was that the Romulan had recognized Spock, even though Spock was sure he had never met the other. Spock was striding along with Pike and Sulu, headed towards the shuttle bay while Pike gave out his final orders. Despite Spock’s entreaties, Pike was determined to fly to the Romulan warship, as instructed by Nero, and Sulu was to be one of the three people space jumping from Pike’s shuttle to destroy the drill that was drilling a hole into Vulcan’s core and causing the widespread seismic activities as well as blocking transporter and communication capabilities. Once the drill was destroyed, Pike ordered them to contact Starfleet to report back, and to rendezvous with the fleet in the Laurentian system as a last resort. He also made a human joke about coming to get him when Sulu asked what would happen to him in the meantime. And then he stepped onto the shuttle and left.

At the appropriate moment, Pike opened the doors and Sulu and two other crewmembers commenced the space jump. The bridge crew listened anxiously as Sulu ended up being the only person to make it onto the drill. They heard the sounds of a fight, and eventually, while Sulu was able to stop the drill, it was not without difficulty. Sulu had not been able to destroy the drill before it was retracted, which was Pike’s original plan, mainly because all the charges had been carried by one of the other two crewmembers, Engineer Olson, who had not survived the space jump. But he disabled it enough to regain transporter and communications capabilities. Sulu then reported seeing something being dropped into the hole that the Romulans had drilled.

And then Chekov reported that the Romulans were creating a singularity that would consume the planet within minutes.

Spock strode off the bridge after ordering Uhura to alert the Vulcan command center to signal planetwide evacuation on all channels. “Rescue as many Vulcans as is possible now that transporters have been restored,” he told Uhura. “Immediately.”

“Where are you going?” Uhura asked.

“To evacuate the Vulcan High Council. They are tasked with protecting our cultural history and my parents will be among them.”

“Can’t you beam them out?”

“It is impossible. They will be in the katric ark. I must get them myself,” Spock then turned to Chekov. “Chekov, you have the conn.”

He kept an ear out, listening to Sulu as he prepared to beam down. When Sulu fell off the drill as it was being retracted, Chekov ran to the transporter room and managed to beam him back before he could plummet to his death onto Vulcan’s surface. Spock ordered him to clear the pad and then he beamed down onto Vulcan even though he could hear Sulu’s objections. Without delay, he ran up the slope, ignoring the quaking ground, running as fast as he could right into the katric ark.

“It is not safe here. We must leave now,” Spock heard a youthful masculine voice urging the elders in the quiet darkness of the deep caverns. “Please, elders.”

“Spock?” his mother was the first to notice him.

“The planet has only seconds left. We must evacuate,” Spock said crisply, brow creasing slightly at the unexpected sight of a young human, hair the color of sunlight, eyes bluer than the skies of Earth on a summer day. He was dressed in traditional Vulcan robes and had evidently been the one speaking earlier, the only one wise enough to understand that the seismic activity they were experiencing was not to be ignored. Even though the situation was dire, Spock could not help but note the attractiveness of the young human. His body reacted to the young man’s presence with a flush of warmth which Spock viciously quelled. This had never happened to him before and it was most definitely not the appropriate time for such a reaction, especially for one who was young enough to be one of his students at the Academy.

“Mother, now!” He took his mother’s arm and they all began to run. Several of the elders were crushed by falling rock but Spock ignored it all, keeping his mother close as they ran to the exit.

“Spock to Enterprise. Get us out, now!” he released his mother to pull out his communicator as they spilled out onto a rocky plateau, free of the deep caverns of the katric ark.

“Locking on you,” he heard Chekov respond.

The planet’s surface was wracked with earthquakes and the ground shook continuously. Everything was collapsing all around them. Spock couldn’t help but look around at the devastation. This was to be his last view of his home planet. It was not a sight he wished to ever behold.

“Don’t move,” Chekov told them over the comm. “Stay right where you are.”

Spock could see the glow surrounding them as the transporter began to take effect.

“Transport in five, four, three, two…” Chekov counted down.

Spock’s mother was the closest to the precipice, and screamed when the cliff collapsed and she began to fall.

“No!” Spock couldn’t hold the exclamation back, nor the hand reaching out for her, despite being in the presence of Vulcan elders. “No!”

A quiet grunt to his side surprised him as the attractive young human with the bright hair and the astonishingly blue eyes launched himself into the air after Spock’s mother. “Lady Amanda!” he yelled, and disappeared off the cliff.

“Jim!” one of the Vulcan elders called after him.

“I’m losing her! I’m losing them!” Chekov’s panicked voice came over the comm. But a moment later, “Wait… I’ve got them!”

They coalesced back in the transporter room, and the blonde human who had wrapped his body around Spock’s mother and Amanda Grayson herself fell from a height of a few feet onto the transporter pad. The human male had somehow maneuvered it so he bore the brunt of the fall instead of Spock’s mother, and their impact managed to break bits of glass off the pad. He released a quiet grunt of pain upon contact.

Chekov yelled a Russian expletive, pumping his fist in the air.

Spock had his arm out to his mother and helped her to her feet, unable to stop himself from running his hands over her body as if he could convince himself that she was still there. The Vulcan elder who had called out the human’s name, someone that Spock was unfamiliar with, reached out and with his bare hands clasped the young human’s hands and pulled him upright. Spock goggled at the touch of bare hands that the Vulcan elder had unhesitatingly given the young human. The human winced and smothered another grunt of pain as he slowly straightened up. Spock found himself drawn into the bluest of eyes when the human looked at him, and they both stood there just gazing at each other for a moment before the human shook himself and looked around sharply, shaking his head.

“Did you hear that?” he asked.

“What did you hear?” the Vulcan elder asked.

“I don’t know. Sounded like… my name?” the human looked around, confused.

“Perhaps you hit your head, James,” the elder remarked.

“My head is fine.”

“Let me see…” the elder even sounded concerned, reaching for the human’s head.

“I am adequate,” the human male assured the Vulcan elder, brushing the Vulcan’s hands off as the elder tried to do what Spock had done to his mother, run his hands over the human. “I must just be hearing things. Please, Father.”

 _Father_? Spock’s eyes ran over the blond humanoid again – rounded ears, golden hair that looked prone to curl although it was kept short, those eyes that were an almost disturbing shade of blue for which he had no name. He was most assuredly _not_ Vulcan. He was quite human.

“Thank you,” Amanda broke away from her son and took the young human’s hand and Spock could not help but notice that the young man jumped at the physical contact, as if he were unused to physical touches. “You saved my life.”

“ _Kaiidth_ ,” the young man told her blandly. What is, is.

Amanda smiled, reached up, and patted his face gently. “Still, I thank you, James,” she repeated.

“Thanks are illogical,” the young man asserted, in an absolutely Vulcan manner.

Amander’s smile widened. “Thank you,” she said yet again.

The young human’s face flushed a bright red and he nodded awkwardly. His blue eyes looked around the transporter room and a frown creased his brow and Spock found himself missing the intensity of those blue eyes on him.

“Are you still hearing things?” Spock asked. “Perhaps you did injure your head. I will have someone escort you to the medbay.”

“I’m fine,” the human said absently, still looking around, not with curiosity but with confusion.

“Clear the pad,” Chekov called out. “Incoming…”

The group removed themselves from the transporter pad and Spock was called away to the bridge. The Enterprise continued to transport as many Vulcans on board as they could during what little time they had left before they had to move away from the planet so as to not be sucked into the black hole when the unthinkable actually happened. Vulcan imploded upon itself right before their eyes. The event was more shocking than Spock could have predicted.

Spock learned later that James had caught hold of his mother and somehow managed to grab onto an outcropping, breaking their fall long enough to allow Chekov to get a lock on them. They had resumed falling again when Chekov transported them onto the Enterprise.

This human, James, had thrown himself off of a cliff in order to attempt to rescue Spock’s mother. The probability of success had been miniscule and yet this human who was much more breakable than a Vulcan was, had done this without hesitation, even as Spock himself had been frozen into inaction, standing there as his mother plummeted off the cliff, to what would have been certain death. Spock would never forgive himself for this and would forever be grateful to the young human for saving his mother.

As it turned out, James was Elder Selenn’s aide and adopted son. James, along with the others rescued from Vulcan were all to be examined by their new CMO, one Doctor McCoy who had inherited the position after the death of Doctor Puri during Nero’s aborted attack on the Enterprise.

Doctor McCoy was not someone Spock knew personally, and it seemed to Spock that he was always in a state of distemper. However, Spock was hearing reports that he was treating the Vulcan refugees on board with respect and sensitivity during his examinations. Even though his duties were numerous, since Captain Pike had not been returned, and Spock was now the acting captain, Spock still kept tabs on what was going on in medbay. Amanda Grayson, Spock’s mother was completely unharmed, but her rescuer had suffered a dislocated shoulder and several bruised ribs, according to McCoy’s preliminary report. He did not, however, report a head injury. Spock wondered what the young human might have heard earlier in the transporter room.

Spock was attempting to record a log as acting captain but the enormity of the loss of his home planet and his own status as one of very few Vulcans left in this universe, as a member of an endangered species, turned out to be too much. He had to leave the bridge. Cadet Uhura followed him into the turbolift and managed to soothe him with soft words, and several soft touches, although he did not permit her to touch his bare skin. She kept asking what he needed. Spock pulled away from her and asked for everyone to continue to behave admirably and restarted the turbolift. After that encounter, Spock found himself needing to find his mother. The need to reassure himself that she was indeed alive and unharmed overwhelmed him. She was still in the medbay, as far as he knew, so he headed over there.

He found Amanda sitting with James as McCoy popped his shoulder back in. The younger human was now clad in Starfleet regulation black pants and was shirtless. It was then that Spock realized that he was not a juvenile human as Spock had originally taken him for, those mesmerizing blue eyes notwithstanding. He was in his early to mid-twenties and in excellent shape, and Spock’s eyes could follow the aesthetically pleasing form and appreciate its beauty although his smooth skin was marred by unsightly scars on his back. Spock stared at his back, wondering what could have happened to this human in his lifetime. The marks looked old and faint now, which meant that he had been a juvenile when whatever had caused them happened. The young man grunted quietly with pain when the shoulder joint was put back in its socket, and Amanda held his uninjured hand. Illogically, Spock wished it was he who was holding the man’s hand.

“You can’t delay me anymore. Gonna give you a hypo for pain,” McCoy held up a hypospray.

“I told you that I have many allergies,” James told McCoy, hand flying up to cover his neck before McCoy was able to inject him.

“Of course you do,” the doctor said grumpily. “You’re not even a teeny bit afraid of me or my hypos.”

“James is not prone to exaggeration and has suffered many life threatening bouts of anaphylaxis,” Elder Selenn’s voice came from behind Spock, startling McCoy.

“Elder Selenn,” Amanda greeted him politely.

“It is kind of you to remain with my son,” Selenn said, his tone the typically inexpressive, yet his words were not typically Vulcan. Spock stared at the man. He had used the word ‘kind’. What Vulcan even recognized, much less acknowledged kindness?

“James saved my life,” Amanda replied. “And he was hurt in the process. I cannot do much else, but I can at least stay with him.”

“Allergies?” McCoy turned to Selenn. “Can you give me the specifics?”

The elder handed McCoy a PADD. “I have pulled up Commander James’ medical records off of the Vulcan fleet database,” he told the man. “Please note that he is allergic to most human painkillers. His allergies are extreme as well as numerous. He is even allergic to certain allergy medications.”

Dr McCoy scrolled through the information and shook his head. “You don’t say.” He turned to the young man. “I don’t know if I can give you anything for the pain right now, bubble boy,” he said apologetically. “I wasn’t prepared to treat someone with your delicate constitution.”

James snorted and a corner of his lips came up, and the doctor gave him a grin, perhaps pleased that James was exhibiting emotion.

“The pain is negligible,” he responded in a neutral tone. “And my delicate constitution thanks you for your concern.”

The doctor placed a hand on James’ forehead and the young man flinched away from it.

“I’m just taking your temperature by feeling your forehead, infant,” the doctor scolded him. “Stay still.”

“You have a tricorder,” James objected. “Use that! There is no need to touch me.”

“I’m old fashioned,” McCoy felt James’ forehead and nodded before he ran the tricorder over the younger man again.

“You must be one of those throwback medical practitioners who wish to feel everything with their hands, even though your instruments can tell you much more,” James sneered. “ _Sawbones_.”

Instead of taking offense, as Spock thought he would, the doctor grinned openly at the younger man. “You bet your ass I am,” he agreed. “No offense, ma’am, Elder Selenn,” he threw the apology to Spock’s mother and the Vulcan elder. “I’m just an old country doctor.”

“In Starfleet?” James’ tone was incredulous, and now Spock could plainly see his human emotions. “What kind of country doctor works for Starfleet on the Enterprise? And _this_ is the new flagship?”

“You should have seen him on the shuttle ride to the Academy,” Uhura’s voice came from the doorway.

“What is this, happy hour?” McCoy grumbled as Uhura walked into the examination room.

“The shuttle ride?” James asked her, blue eyes wide with curiosity.

“Doctor McCoy threw up,” Uhura said, her eyes fixed on the shirtless young man, scrutinizing him in great detail. James unexpectedly turned bright red again, a phenomenon that both pleased and intrigued Spock, although he did not like that Cadet Uhura was witnessing James in his current state of undress. “He has aviophobia.”

“A country doctor who has aviophobia in Starfleet?” James repeated, turning incredulous eyes at the doctor. He could not stop himself from smiling and snickering.

“Laugh it up,” the doctor grumbled. “I really wish we could do something for your pain.”

James shrugged. “The pain is physical and easily ignored,” he muttered. “Bones? May I have my clothes back?”

“The Vulcan robes?” The doctor answered to what was apparently his new appellation without question.

“They are my clothes,” James said.

“Put this on for now,” Bones threw a Starfleet regulation black undershirt at the younger man. “I’ll go see if I can find out what happened to your robes.”

James gave Selenn a helpless look and he stared unhappily at the shirt.

“It is better to put that on than to catch cold,” Amanda said softly. “We are no longer on Vulcan. I find myself thankful for the layers I have on right now, even though I am human. I am no longer used to non-desert temperatures.”

Selenn nodded in agreement and Spock caught the glint of sympathy and understanding in the Vulcan’s eyes and had to stop himself from staring at the older man. He had never seen even a glimpse of such emotion from his own father, and yet, this man, who was an elder on the Vulcan High Council was showing much more feeling for his adopted son than his own father had ever done for him.

“Put the shirt on, Jim,” Elder Selenn urged him, his tone gentle.

James made a face, and Spock observed him clenching his fist tightly on the material, right where the understated Starfleet logo was, before he suppressed a sigh and pull the shirt on, grimacing when he moved his tender arm to push it through the sleeve. Starfleet regulation blacks were form fitting and highlighted the young man’s defined muscles and excellent physique. Spock could not help but notice it. The human was exceedingly attractive and for the first time in his life, Spock not only appreciated it but wished he could do something to acknowledge it.

“Have you objections to wearing terran clothing?” Spock asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.

“I have not worn them for many years,” James answered.

Which Spock, being Vulcan, recognized as an evasion of the question. James had not admitted or denied that he had objections to terran clothing, only that he had not worn them for years, therefore Spock concluded that he _did_ have objections to terran clothing but would rather not lie about it. It was the Vulcan way. Spock wondered if perhaps it was Starfleet that the human objected to, given his reaction to the Starfleet logo on the shirt.

“Cadet Uhura, may I inquire as to the reason you are here in medbay?” Spock turned to the beautiful young woman.

“We need a heading, sir,” she said reluctantly.

“Very well, I will return to the bridge shortly. Await me there.”

Uhura nodded, but before she turned to leave she gave James another long and appreciative look. He returned it with an inscrutable one that would make a Vulcan proud. She gave him a small grin nodded to everyone and left.

“Crew’s curious about you,” McCoy returned, noting the look from Cadet Uhura. “Good looking young human male turning up with the Vulcan elders, even dressed like one of the hobgoblins? Good luck beating them off with a club, Jimmy-boy.”

Amanda giggled at that.

“Please do not refer to Vulcans as hobgoblins,” Spock admonished him.

“Explain the need for a club,” Selenn demanded at the same time, causing McCoy to roll his eyes and mutter under his breath. Spock caught some of it – some kind of rant about overprotective ‘daddies’, which he did not quite understand.

“My clothes?” James asked, ignoring everyone.

“No clue where your clothes are, Jim. I’m sure they’ll turn up eventually, though,” McCoy was apologetic.

James sighed.

“Speaking of curiosity, who are you exactly?” McCoy asked him.

“He is my son, James,” Selenn said sternly. “Accompany me and Acting Captain Spock to the bridge, if you will, Jim.”

“ _Ha, Samekh_ ,” James obediently hopped off the biobed. Yes, father, he had said. His Vulcan was impeccable which was rare for a human. His pronunciation was perhaps even better than Spock’s mother’s, and no other human had impressed him the way his mother had, not even Cadet Uhura, whose talents in xenolinguistics were already well known, even though she was still a cadet.

“Are you certain you’re well enough? Do you need more rest?” Amanda asked, her voice calm but her eyes betraying her anxiety. “Are you still hearing things?”

“Your concern is gratifying but unnecessary,” Selenn responded. “My son’s constitution is far less delicate than his appearance indicates.”

“I think your father just said you just look more breakable than y’really are,” McCoy said as an aside to James.

“My father is not incorrect,” James retorted, although he gifted the doctor with a slight smile.

“Come back later and I’ll have figured out something for your pain that won’t either blow you up like a balloon or cause you to asphyxiate and die,” McCoy told the younger man. “And let me know if you’re still hearing things.”

Spock wondered if he ought to make a note of McCoy’s words. They were too direct for a human, and although James was more than familiar with Vulcan directness and would not take offense, other humans might not be as willing to overlook the lack of ‘bedside manner’ that humans seemed to prize in their physicians. Another feat of human illogic as the skill of the physician at healing should be the yardstick by which a physician was judged, and not their ability to be polite to their patients. Even though Spock was half human, he would never understand his mother’s people.

“Thank you,” James said politely. Another un-Vulcan utterance as thanks were unnecessary and illogical. But James was human, despite being Elder Selenn’s son.

“I will help with the children that were rescued, now that James is taken care of,” Amanda told Spock. “Your father is speaking with the Vulcan High Council in preparation of the lines of communication being opened with the rest of the fleet.”

Spock nodded and led Selenn and his son, the human James, to the bridge. He could feel James’ eyes on him the entire way there, but when he leveled his own gaze on the human, James kept on staring at him, making him uncomfortable. Spock chose to ignore him for the rest of the short trip to the bridge.

A few minutes later, he found himself introducing the bridge crew to Elder Selenn. James nodded politely to everyone but remained silent as he listened to the elder Vulcan. As it turned out Elder Selenn was Selenn son of Strov, former captain of the T’Vran, the most famous Vulcan science vessel of their time. Elder Selenn had only retired from the captaincy two years ago in order to fulfill a new role as an elder on the Vulcan High Council. As such he was very interested in what the next steps were for the Enterprise and wished to be the voice of the Vulcan High Council on the bridge, as Captain Pike had been taken hostage, and the Enterprise was staffed by inexperienced officers, many of them still cadets.

After being apprised of the situation, Elder Selenn believed that the Enterprise needed to head back towards Earth. Spock did not agree and was following Captain Pike’s last orders, to fall back to the Laurentian system and regroup with the rest of the fleet. James was silent and seemed distracted, completely oblivious to the looks that even Spock noticed he was receiving from the bridge crew.

The discussion on the next steps was just heating up when a teenaged Vulcan came off the turbolift.

“Elder Selenn, the Council requests your presence,” the young Vulcan said, and although he was trying to keep his voice steady and unemotional, it was obvious to everyone that he was anxious. The destruction of Vulcan had affected them all.

“Is it urgent?” Selenn asked.

“Yes, Elder Selenn.”

Selenn turned to Spock and nodded grimly at him. “My aide, Commander James will represent me and the Vulcan High Council on the bridge,” he said calmly.

“Elder?” James spoke up, surprised.

“Make yourself useful, James,” Selenn told him.

“Yes, Elder Selenn,” James nodded.

Selenn disappeared into the turbolift with the young Vulcan and left James standing on the bridge, the object of scrutiny by the bridge crew. Spock wondered why it was Selenn had not addressed James as his son, instead calling him his aide and addressing him by rank, but the subject at hand was more important.

“Have you confirmed that Nero is headed for Earth?” Spock asked.

“Their trajectory suggests no other destination, Captain,” Uhura replied.

“Thank you, Lieutenant.”

“Earth may be his next stop, but we may assume that every Federation planet will be a target,” James asserted intensely. He stood next to the Captain’s chair, feet apart, arms crossed, for the first time showing emotions as he chewed on his bottom lip.

“How came you to this conclusion?” Spock asked the blue eyed man.

“There can be no other conclusion. Perhaps if you were to make the logical deductions yourself, you would see it,” James gave him an annoyed glance.

“We cannot just take your word for it,” Spock gave him a cold look. “You are not a member of Starfleet.”

“For which I am thankful,” James raised an eyebrow in annoyance. “I may not be a member of Starfleet but I am a graduate of the Vulcan Science Academy and I served with Captain Selenn on the T’Vran for several years,” James snapped. “Elder Selenn would not have entrusted me with the Vulcan High Council’s voice on this matter had I not been appropriately qualified.”

Spock tried not to react to that. James’ tone had been the perfect example of Vulcan disdain. It was everything that he had heard on a daily basis growing up, from his peers and from his instructors. All of whom were Vulcan. It was disconcerting to hear it from a human. And besides, this… _human_ … had not only gone to the Vulcan Science Academy but he had apparently graduated from it. The same Vulcan Science Academy that had looked at his human mother as a _disadvantage_ , as if humans were inferior, and the human taint had made Spock himself inferior as well. It was how Spock had been raised, to ruthlessly hide his humanity and embrace only his Vulcan side. His entire life, it had been strongly implied by Sarek that the human way was inferior and that he was to bury his own humanity and be completely Vulcan. But yet James had not only gained admittance to this great Vulcan edifice despite being quite obviously, undeniably, fully human, but he had also graduated from it and then served on a Vulcan starship. It was unheard of. How had James accomplished this?

“If the Federation is a target, why didn’t they destroy us?” Chekov interrupted Spock’s train of thought.

“Why would they? Why waste the weapons? We obviously weren’t a threat,” Sulu shook his head.

“That is not it. He said he wanted me to see something. The destruction of my home planet,” Spock countered, knowing that to be the truth.

“I agree,” James piped up. The man was now chewing on a thumbnail, a frown creasing his forehead. “There is more here than meets the eye. This ‘lightning storm in space’ that your Captain Pike recognized?”

“Yes, he said it was from the time the USS Kelvin was destroyed,” Uhura said. Spock thought that James flinched minutely at the mention of the Kelvin.

“What kind of Romulan vessel _was_ that?” James mused. “I know of no Romulan vessels with that kind of firepower. Where did that thing come from?”

“How the hell did they destroy a planet, by the way?” McCoy demanded. “Where did the Romulans get that kind of weaponry?”

“The engineering comprehension necessary to artificially create a black hole may suggest an answer. Such technology could theoretically be manipulated to create a tunnel through space-time,” Spock answered.

“Dammit man, I'm a doctor, not a physicist. Are you actually suggesting they're from the future?” McCoy sounded affronted by the thought.

“If you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth,” Spock replied.

“How poetic,” McCoy groused.

Spock wondered if McCoy knew that he was quoting the fictional terran detective Sherlock Holmes. Or if he even cared. It was definitely not Vulcan poetry. Vulcan poetry post-Surak left much to be desired.

“What would an angry future Romulan want with Captain Pike?” James’ blue eyes were unfocused, gazing far away, a frown creasing his brow.

“As Captain, he does know details of Starfleet's defenses,” Sulu said.

“What we need is a plan,” James mused. “We need to catch up to that ship, get your Captain Pike back, and stop Nero from destroying Earth and moving on from there to other Federation planets.”

“We are technologically outmatched in every way. A rescue attempt would be illogical,” Spock said grimly.

“Nero's ship would have to drop out of warp for us to overtake him,” Chekov added.

“We cannot just leave Earth to suffer the same fate as Vulcan,” James growled. “We cannot lose another whole planet. We can’t just run to the Laurentian when we could at least _try_ to do something to stop the Romulans. We are the only vessel left that can even make this attempt.”

“There is nothing that we can do right now,” Spock told him.

“We could at least tell them of the threat and begin evacuation of…” James broke off and looked around suddenly. “Did you _hear_ that?” he asked, eyes wide. “Seriously. Who _is_ that?”

“You had to have hit your noggin’,” McCoy pulled out his tricorder and began scanning the blond.

“We’ll find answers at Delta Vega,” James said woodenly, blue eyes suddenly shining with a strange light behind them for a moment, but the light faded back into his unusually cerulean eyes. He shook his head as if to clear it. “We _have_ to go to Delta Vega,” he repeated, this time sounding more himself.

“Delta Vega?” Sulu sputtered. “That came out of nowhere!”

“We must be unpredictable,” James was insistent. “If Nero is from the future, then he knows what is going to happen next. Nero won’t know what to expect. Delta Vega is right here. I know that we _have_ to go there. Call it a gut feeling. There will be answers there and then we can head to Earth and stop him.”

“You are assuming that Nero knows how events are predicted to unfold. To the contrary, Nero's very presence has altered the flow of history, beginning with the attack on the USS Kelvin, culminating in the events of today, thereby creating an entire new chain of incidents that cannot be anticipated by either party,” Spock tried not to let annoyance bleed into his tone.

“An alternate reality,” Uhura agreed.

“Precisely. Whatever our lives might have been, if the time continuum was disrupted, our destinies have changed,” Spock said with finality. “Mr. Sulu, plot a course to the Laurentian system, warp factor three.”

James stared at Spock for a long and uncomfortable moment and the Vulcan braced himself for an argument. But instead the human nodded.

“I will inform Elder Selenn of _your_ decision,” he murmured. “May what’s left of the universe after Nero is done with it forgive us all for our inaction.” With that dire pronouncement, the man strode off the bridge and disappeared into the turbolift.

“What the hell was _that_ about?” Sulu asked.

Chekov shrugged and made a face.

Spock sat in the captain’s chair, feeling the weight of his decision, feeling as if he had doomed another planet, and feeling completely helpless and at a loss of what else to do. It was the most intense set of feelings that he had ever experienced in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All Vulcan translations were sourced from the [Vulcan Language Dictionary](https://www.starbase-10.de/vld/).
> 
> Transcript of the movie can be found at [this site](http://www.chakoteya.net/Extras/movie2009.html).
> 
> Next chapter tomorrow! :D


	3. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler alert! Please note that there are spoilers here for s01e01 Where No Man Has Gone Before. I also added a character to the tags (I forgot it when I set this up, sorry). So, spoilers!

**Chapter Two**

Jim leaned against the wall of the turbolift, eyes closed, trying to control his now shaking muscles. His head throbbed with pain and all he could hear now was blood pounding in his ears, and his own thundering heartbeat. He was still trembling at the sound of the USS Kelvin being said out loud again. He hadn’t heard that name spoken in his presence in _years_ , and his early childhood experiences came flooding back. He tried to tamp it all down and stop thinking about the Kelvin and all that he had lost when that ship had gone down. When he was a child, all he’d wanted was to be able to tell his father’s murderer that he had ruined Jim’s life. Ruined his mother’s life, and Sam’s life. But he’d let go of those childish dreams – what good would that have done in the end?

But he was faced with his father’s murderer now, and this individual had destroyed a whole entire planet for vengeance. His adopted planet, when Earth became inhospitable to him. And now this man was headed straight for Earth to do the same thing to it that it had done to Vulcan. How much was he to lose to this one man? He didn’t know how to stop his hands from trembling.

He was overwhelmed by everything. The destruction of Vulcan, the ghost of the Kelvin, and not to mention Acting Captain Spock’s highly distracting and intoxicating presence. Spock tugged at his interest, and was starting to fascinate him, for some reason. And the way he stood so primly in his blue Starfleet uniform, it did something to Kirk. Something that hadn’t happened to him in a long while now. It was disturbing. He couldn’t take his eyes off the Vulcan on the way to the bridge, even though his father was in the turbolift with them.

And then there was that voice that kept calling his name, the voice that only he seemed to be able to hear. It kept calling his human name. The name he had renounced and hoped never to hear again. The name he hadn’t used in fourteen years. The name he hadn’t ever expected to use, ever again. The voice kept calling him, over and over again, getting more and more urgent as time passed, the headache increasing more and more in tandem to the urgency of the voice. And now there was a compulsion, an urgent need embedded in his mind – he _needed_ to get to Delta Vega. Right away. Before the Enterprise went too far off course towards the Laurentian system. It was imperative that he get to Delta Vega if Earth were to be saved. He knew it in his very core, and he knew that the voice calling his human name in his head had something to do with it. It was not something he could ignore anymore.

He breathed deeply to try and control whatever the hell was going on with his brain. He stepped off the turbolift with the full intention to look for his father, but instead he found himself walking into the shuttle bay. He looked around, trying to clear his head of the voices and the compulsion, but it was no use. He couldn’t fight this. He was compelled to do this. Without thinking too hard now, he snuck aboard a shuttle and hijacked it, overriding Enterprise security protocols and quietly flying the shuttle off the starship. There was no other way to quiet the voice in his head calling his human name other than to obey it and head to Delta Vega.

Jim arrived at Delta Vega and flew the shuttle down through a severe blizzard, landing it at the coordinates that the voice in his head began repeating after he’d left the Enterprise. After checking the outside temperature, he rummaged through the shuttle’s storage compartments, luckily finding winter survival gear. He pulled everything on, not wanting to risk frostbite, and cautiously stepped out. Snow and ice swirled around him, obscuring his vision, but he could see that there was an opening to a cave directly in front of the shuttle door. He looked around and saw nothing other than snow and more snow. He hesitated for a moment, not wanting to leave the shuttle, but his headache intensified. The need was now an itch under his skin, warring against the extreme cold attacking him externally. He _had_ to go into the cave.

“Stupid ice planet,” Jim muttered to himself before he slogged through the knee high snow to get to the cave.

Once inside, he kept going deeper and deeper until what looked to be a human appeared in front of him. He was at least ten years older than Jim and stared at him with eyes that shone with a strange white light. Jim decided to take back his original impression that the being was human. Not only were his eyes shining with that white light, Jim was quite sure he could see right through him.

“Jim,” the supposed man smiled at him. It was both friendly and creepy at the same time.

“Do I know you?” Jim frowned.

“We knew each other once, in a different universe and a different lifetime.”

There was that thing again – alternate universes and alternate timelines. Perhaps he was from Nero’s timeline.

“Are you a time traveler?” Jim asked. “Are you associated with Nero?”

“I am not associated with the genocidal maniac known as Nero,” the being told him. “I am a ghost. I died in this cave, right here, on Delta Vega a long time ago. Or perhaps I may die here in ten years time, or perhaps I will have never died here. But once upon a time, you and I, Jim, we were friends.”

“Who are you?”

“My name is Gary Mitchell,” and suddenly Jim’s brain was flooded with images. Of himself dressed like a Starfleet Academy cadet, carrying a stack of books, going to classes and doing Starfleet Academy things. But it wasn’t him. Not really. That Jim had brown eyes, for one thing. And that Jim and this man Mitchell had been friends when Mitchell had still been just a man. They had served together in Starfleet. And then the Jim in his mind came to be the _Captain_ of the Enterprise and Mitchell was there serving aboard the vessel with him.

It had to be madness. Jim would kill himself before he enlisted in _Starfleet_ of all things. It was the bane of his entire existence. Jim had distanced himself from Earth and could not count any human to be a friend. But that brown eyed Jim that Mitchell was showing him, he had had human friends, some of them quite loyal. Gary had been one of them, a man who had chosen to serve with and under Jim for years. Their friendship had been preemptively terminated when they encountered a mysterious barrier in space, and Gary had somehow ended up with godlike powers. Jim watched the images that Mitchell was still projecting into his mind. An older, brown eyed version of himself had been forced to kill Mitchell. On a very different Delta Vega, one that was not a frozen, desolate ball of ice.

Jim staggered backwards and crashed into the wall when the images finally stopped. He stared in horror at the erstwhile man. “Are you going to kill me?” he finally asked.

The figure shook his head. “You must go to these coordinates,” a set of coordinates imprinted themselves in his mind. “You will find enlightenment there. And then you must find the Starfleet base on Delta Vega. It is imperative for the continued existence of this universe and this reality.”

Jim threw up his hands. “ _What_?”

“My time here is short. You – the other you – had no choice but to kill me. But by killing me, he also freed me. Free of my corporeal body now, I roam many universes and I watch what happens in them. I see what has happened in your universe, and I see what might happen and what might change the tide. But without a corporeal body, I cannot act. It is taking much energy for me to appear before you like this,” Mitchell sighed. Did corporeal beings with godlike powers need to breathe? “If you do not go to those coordinates, there will be untold deaths. This universe may never recover from Nero. You can change that. You _must_ change that.”

Jim stared at him in disbelief.

“This is the only way I can help you in this universe.”

“But why would you even help me? I’m not your Jim. Your Jim killed you.”

Mitchell smiled. “It no longer matters, what you had to do, all those many years, lifetimes, universes ago. I needed to be stopped. You took no pleasure in what you had to do, and afterwards you mourned me because you were my friend. Here, as in all universes, whether you know me or not, I am still your friend.”

Jim gave him a look filled with confusion.

“Go now. Time is of the essence.” The figure shimmered for a moment. “Goodbye, my old friend. It was good to see you again, no matter the circumstance.”

And then Jim was alone in a darkened cave and his headache had thankfully abated. He looked around for a few minutes before he was sure that the apparition had disappeared. He even looked around to see if the image could have been projected into the cave somehow, but in his heart of hearts, he knew that Gary Mitchell was what he had claimed to be. He could feel the truth of the man’s words, and those images of a different version of him living a completely different life in a different universe could not be denied. Besides, he could not, he _would_ not stand by while Nero wreaked even more devastation on his universe. He would go to the coordinates, to see if it would help him. If there was even a slight chance this would point him to a way to stop Nero. He had come too far to stop now.

He pulled out his PADD and saw that the coordinates were about a kilometer away. He ran back to the shuttle but found that its thrusters had frozen over completely in the punishing environs. It would take a lot of time and energy to de-ice and reset the thrusters, and Mitchell had said that time was short. It would probably be quicker for him to walk the kilometer or so to the coordinates Mitchell had given him for ‘enlightenment’, whatever that might mean, and he would have to play it by ear once he got there. Maybe the Starfleet outpost on Delta Vega would help him fix the shuttle so he could somehow get back to the Enterprise, although how he would catch up with it, he didn’t know. Sighing, he pulled his hood up, zipped the parka up as high as it would go and started the trek across the frozen wasteland.

Whatever it was Gary had done to him, the coordinates were implanted in his brain like a homing beacon, and he followed its heading without needing any of his instruments. As he did so, he started talking to himself. He was not feeling himself. He’d just seen his adopted home planet be destroyed, and was faced now with the certainty that Earth was next. There was the distinct possibility that he would be able to do nothing to stop the destruction of Earth, and this was quite upsetting. He might not have been back to Earth in many years, and what time he had spent there hadn’t exactly been pleasant, but he wouldn’t condemn the entire planet into a black hole because of his own personal experiences. And on top of all that, what was perhaps even more disturbing to him was that he had found himself on the Enterprise, on a _Starfleet vessel_ , and he was wearing clothes with the hated Starfleet logo on it. _Starfleet_! He’d sworn never to even get close to Starfleet, opting instead to stay on the T’Vran even after Selenn retired. But he’d had to return to Vulcan to be with Selenn, and to heal, after T’Lara died. T’Lara…

He stopped that train of thought abruptly. Even a year later, the loss of T’Lara was something still too painful for him to dwell on. He could not think about her or derail from what he now had to do.

He sighed and his mind drifted back to the Enterprise. The flagship was gorgeous. When they had beamed aboard, even though Gary Mitchell kept calling his name, he swore that could feel the slight thrum of the engines under his feet. And when he walked down the corridors of the ship, he had to stop himself from petting its walls with his fingers. It was a work of art. He hated Starfleet with a passion, but hell, they really knew how to build a starship. He wished that he’d had time to wander through Engineering and gotten to know the bowels of the ship.

And then there were the people aboard it. He had not seen so many humans in one place together in a long time. The T’Vran was manned by Vulcans and they had focused on either uninhabited planets or planets not within the Federation. Theirs had been a mission of discovery and exploration. The T’Vran was a science vessel and filled with scientists, so Jim had rarely even seen another human being, let alone a whole shipful of them. All that open emotion was disconcerting after all the years of living with Vulcans. He didn’t know how to behave among them anymore. They required much more of his mental capacity than Vulcans did. It was exhausting.

And then there was Acting Captain Spock. Half Vulcan, half human. Jim had spoken to Lady Amanda once or twice before, choosing to distance himself from her despite realizing that she was curious about him and had tried to cultivate a friendship with him while on Vulcan. Jim had kept himself aloof and apart from the Lady Amanda, even knowing that she probably was starved for human attention, but he felt like he truly wasn’t a good representative of a human being anymore. Even though Selenn had tried to raise him as a human, Selenn himself however was not human, and was very much a Vulcan. Jim didn’t want to know how lacking Lady Amanda would find him as human company, so he’d chosen to stay away. But he’d known that she was the mother of the only living human-Vulcan hybrid.

Meeting Spock when the half Vulcan had come running into the katric ark had been shocking. Spock looked Vulcan enough. Jim couldn’t see much of Lady Amanda in him until she fell and Spock had cried out in a burst of un-Vulcan-like emotion. His beautiful brown eyes had been full of shock and sorrow. Jim saw it then, the human side of the hybrid, before he threw himself over the edge in an attempt to save Amanda.

And then, when against the odds, Jim had managed to stop his and Amanda’s descent barely long enough for the wunderkind Chekov to beam them aboard the Enterprise, later when McCoy was working on his injuries, the Lady Amanda held his hand, as he imagined a mother would, not that his own mother had ever held his hand like that that he could remember. But during that time, Spock had turned up and he’d felt those human eyes on him and he’d blushed at the scrutiny. Those human eyes of Spock’s had made him burn and flush, and his heart beat a little faster. He wanted to chalk it up to having a human woman trying to comfort him for a little injury – hell, Frank had hurt him far worse than a dislocated shoulder before he’d even turned ten – but then her very attractive half Vulcan son with the oh so very human eyes had also been there to witness the whole rigmarole. It had been mortifying. Even after Selenn and the human cadet Uhura arrived, his shame at Spock witnessing him at a weak moment, not even fully dressed made him burn. And then the indignity of having to put on clothes with Starfleet emblazoned on it. Jim wasn’t sure if he would recover from the fact that he was, even now, wearing gear that had the Starfleet logo so openly displayed on it.

Jim huddled into his Starfleet issue parka as he slogged through the snow, stamping his feet and pounding his chest to keep warm. He’d gotten accustomed to Vulcan temperatures after a year on the planet and this biting cold and snow was difficult to bear. Unlike an actual Vulcan, he couldn’t regulate his body temperature to compensate for the cold and had to do it by basic human ways.

Stupid, attractive, half Vulcan acting captains of Starfleet, he muttered to himself. He hadn’t been prepared for how attractive Spock was. Spock, who had given the proverbial finger to the Vulcan Science Academy, rejecting them in favor of Starfleet. Jim understood why, given that he himself had had to live with Vulcan prejudices. And besides, he was in favor of giving the finger to the proverbial ‘man’, except for him the ‘man’ was Starfleet. And for him, choosing the Vulcan Science Academy had been the finger both to Starfleet, _and_ to the Vulcan Science Academy, something Jim knew that Selenn took a private delight in.

He’d been surrounded by Vulcans for over half his life, and had been pre-bonded to T’Lara, and yet none of them had affected him quite the way Spock had in this short amount of time since they met. Those brown human eyes, clear and expressive, and the delicate hint of green at the tips of Spock’s pointed ears whenever Jim said something he disagreed with. It was intoxicating.

But the half Vulcan acting captain hadn’t taken his compulsion to go to Delta Vega seriously. And that made him angry. Although of course, it wasn’t like the acting captain or any of Starfleet had ever worked with him. The crew of the T’Vran would have found it illogical, but they would have indulged him and gone to Delta Vega. He knew they would have. The Vulcans on the T’Vran might think that he was a completely illogical human some of the times, but they had also learned not to discount his gut feelings. Every time Jim had had a bad feeling that they had ignored or not prepared for, very bad things had happened. However illogical it was, the crew of the T’Vran had come to understand that it was best to be prepared and to heed Jim’s instincts. But since he was on the Enterprise and nobody cared about Jim, he’d had to do this the hard way. Instead of being beamed to the original coordinates and then being beamed to the next set of coordinates, a much more convenient way to travel across the barren arctic wasteland that was Delta Vega, Jim had had to steal a shuttle and fly through snowstorms, and now, even worse, he had to walk across the frozen ice plains. He started composing a faux first officer’s log entry as he walked, listing all the things that were a problem for him at that time.

Jim was almost too deep into his thoughts to hear it, but something caught his attention. He turned around for a moment, and saw something running towards him at great speed. Something huge and fuzzy and had claws and big, sharp teeth. Squawking with fear, a jolt of adrenalin went through his body and he turned and ran. At some point he saw that the fuzzy thing was swept away and flung aside by something that was many times bigger than the first scary thing that was chasing after him, and had a distinctly crustacean look to it. It looked like a massive crustacean, with enormous jaws that opened like a flower and salivated at him, and a most impressive roar. Jim ran, the adrenalin in his bloodstream adding extra speed to his moves. He ran steadily, trying to ignore the roaring of the thing that was chasing after him, but he turned to look back one too many times and tripped, suddenly falling down a cliff, ending up on an icy surface after rolling down the steep escarpment. The thing stood at the top of the cliff roaring at him before it, too, began falling. Yelling, Jim bounced back onto his feet and ran, somehow keeping his footing on the slippery ice, and he headed towards what he sincerely hoped was a cave. He ran into the dark depths and believed that he had escaped the thing since the opening was much smaller than the creature, but it broke through and something – a tentacle of some sort? – wrapped itself around his ankle and yanked. He hit the ground hard and scrabbled in vain to stop himself from being pulled towards that gaping maw.

And then something else came out of the darkness waving a fiery stick.

The creature released him and retreated at once.

A voice came from the darkness: “James T Kirk.”

Jim scrambled backwards, trying to get to his feet. “Excuse me?” he blurted out. _Who_ were these people who knew his human name? His never-used human name?

“How did you find me?” the torch lit the figure’s face and Jim saw that it was an elderly Vulcan male.

“How do you know my name?” Jim asked.

“I have been and always shall be your friend,” came the cryptic answer.

“ _What_? Look… I don’t know you,” Jim told him fiercely.

“I am Spock,” the elderly Vulcan told him.

“ _Riolozhikaik_!” Jim sputtered as he stared at him, blue eyes wide with shock. Illogical! Another Spock? Or another ghost? Like Gary Mitchell? He resisted the urge to poke the being to see if he was corporeal, although he could feel the warmth emanating from the burning stick in the Vulcan’s hand.

Later, as Jim sat, warming himself at the fire this older version of Spock had built in the cave, they sat and stared at each other in silence. This was where Gary Mitchell had wanted him to come and now that he was here, the homing beacon in his head was wonderfully silent again.

“You are far too young to have learned that word,” the older Spock finally spoke, his tone thoughtful.

Jim grunted a reply.

“It is remarkably pleasing to see you again, old friend. Especially after the events of today,” the old Vulcan continued.

“I’m really getting tired of people claiming to be my ‘old friend’ today,” Jim grumbled. “I don’t know you. I just met you today. We’re not friends at all.”

The older Spock nodded. “And the Enterprise?” he asked.

Jim’s eyebrows went up in surprise. “You know about the Enterprise?”

Spock nodded. “I am familiar with her.”

Blue eyes narrowed shrewdly. “A Vulcan would give an inanimate vessel a female pronoun?” Jim shook his head. “How very human of you.”

The Vulcan shrugged. Another human affectation.

“How do you know about the Enterprise?”

“Where there is a Captain Kirk and a Commander Spock, there will be an Enterprise no matter the universe,” Spock said serenely.

“ _Captain_ Kirk?” Jim scoffed. “I’m not even Starfleet. Sorry.”

This caused the elderly Vulcan to look at him in shock. “You are not Starfleet?” he repeated.

“Over my dead body,” Jim said bluntly.

“How are you on the Enterprise, then, if you are not Starfleet?”

“I was on Vulcan with my father.”

“George Kirk was on Vulcan?”

“George Kirk died the day I was born, when a huge Romulan warship appeared out of nowhere and blew the USS Kelvin into smithereens,” Jim said curtly. “I speak of my Vulcan father, Selenn son of Strov, who rescued me and adopted me.”

“Elder Selenn who was once the captain of the T’Vran?”

Jim nodded. Apparently his father had also been captain of the T’Vran in this Spock’s reality.

“Did he survive the destruction of Vulcan?”

Jim nodded again.

“Fascinating,” Spock raised an eyebrow. “And why were you in need of rescue?”

“I don’t talk about that,” Jim said tightly.

Spock raised an eyebrow but didn’t pursue that subject any further.

“Yes, I was with Elder Selenn and we were rescued and beamed aboard the Enterprise prior to…” Jim broke off and looked down, trying to control the hurt. Vulcan was no more.

Spock sighed, understanding Jim’s pained silence. “If not you, then who is Captain of the Enterprise?” he finally broke the silence.

“Well… _you_ are,” Jim said. “Captain Pike was taken hostage.”

“By Nero,” Spock nodded.

“What do you know about him?”

“He is a particularly troubled Romulan,” Spock said softly. He lifted his hand, his fingers approximating the position for a mind meld. “Please, allow me. It will be easier.”

Jim blew out a long breath. He’d only ever melded with Selenn, T’Pau, and of course with T’Lara. But sometimes it was easier to impart knowledge in melds. He nodded his permission and offered his face.

Old Spock placed his fingers on Jim’s psi points, and whispered, “Our minds, one and together…” Images poured through his mind, similar yet different than the way Gary Mitchell had pushed images into his mind, and he understood then, that Spock had come from one hundred and twenty nine years in the future, as had the Romulan Nero. He learned about red matter, and the supernova that caused the destruction of Romulus in that future, the Jellyfish and Spock’s failed mission to save Romulus, Spock being intercepted and later captured after going through the black hole. Jim understood then that Nero had wanted to punish both this Spock and his Spock – well, not _his_ Spock but the Spock of this timeline – for the loss of his wife and unborn child.

Other things bled through, but Kirk focused on what the elderly Vulcan needed him to know. He pushed aside the other images of a life he didn’t live, would never live, and ignored the sheer joy the old Vulcan felt at encountering him again. In that other life, he and Spock had had an intertwined destiny, a relationship that went far beyond friendship and loyalty. He refused to acknowledge the term that the Vulcan addressed him as, mentally, because he refused to be swayed by the reality of a different person. He could not possibly be Spock’s _t’hyla_. Not here, not when he wasn’t even Starfleet, did not want to be Starfleet, and would never agree to be part of that organization. He would never captain the Enterprise, and even though he lusted after the beautiful ship, he did not aspire to be its captain. Even now, even with the destruction of his adopted planet, his future lay with Vulcan and with the T’Vran. Not with Spock. He could not believe that he had just met his _t’hyla_ , when they were the stuff of Vulcan legend. It could not be true in this universe.

The meld ended and both men had tears running down their faces.

“Forgive me, emotional transference is an effect of the mind meld,” Spock murmured, wiping his eyes.

“I am aware,” Jim nodded, trying to calm his own emotions.

“You have suffered so much at so young an age,” Spock said softly. “I did not mean to pry but you were broadcasting.”

“I do that. Despite my upbringing, I am human. We think loudly,” Jim told the man.

Spock’s lips turned up in a slight grin. “You, more than most. In all universes,” he agreed.

Jim wondered how many different versions of himself this Spock must have encountered to be able to say that so calmly. But he knew that Spock wasn’t calm. Spock was in turmoil over the loss of Vulcan, as was he. Suddenly he wondered, given what he had seen of this Spock and this Spock’s Jim Kirk and how close they had been, he wondered if that Jim had known his father, or if George Kirk had died in some other random freak accident.

“Where you came from, did I know my father?” he asked.

Spock nodded. “Yes. You often spoke of him as being your inspiration for joining Starfleet. He proudly lived to see you become Captain of the Enterprise.”

“Captain…” he shook his head.

“A ship we must return you to as soon as possible.”

“Did you know a Gary Mitchell?” Jim had to ask.

The Vulcan stopped short in surprise. “You attended Starfleet Academy with him. He was your friend.”

“ _I_ did not attend Starfleet Academy,” Jim said quietly. “I’d never heard of him before today.”

“What is the purpose of asking about him?”

“I take it you did know him?”

“I did,” Spock confirmed.

“He called me here somehow,” Jim shrugged. “Compelled me to come here, some kind of psychic compulsion? I had to steal a shuttle but its thrusters are now all frozen over and it needs much work before it’ll fly again. Stupid ice planet.”

“Gary Mitchell was your friend. He was my Jim Kirk’s friend. Jim had to… kill him. Before he could destroy us all.”

“I know. He’s a ghost now he says. He’s not dead but he’s not alive. It’s confusing. But after a confusing conversation, he compelled me to come here to your coordinates.”

“In your mind?”

“First time anyone’s called me by my human name in almost fourteen years,” Jim nodded. “And then you did it too. It is unsettling.”

Spock gave him a long look. “There is a Starfleet outpost not far from here. We will get you back to the Enterprise.”

Jim sighed. This was what Gary Mitchell had wanted as well, so he would not object.

Another long and cold walk in the frozen wastelands of Delta Vega later, they met with a cantankerous Scotsman that Old Spock also seemed to recognize, and a Royle. Spock raised an eyebrow when Jim introduced himself to the Scotsman as ‘James son of Selenn’ but said nothing about his human name. Old Spock convinced Jim to emotionally compromise young Spock so regulation 619 could take effect, disregarding Jim’s concerns about the whole process as well as Jim’s refusal to take on the mantle of the Captain of the Enterprise after this happened. And one future transwarp beaming equation later – Jim had stopped questioning the wisdom of Old Spock giving them the solution to Mr Scott’s yet undiscovered transwarp beaming equation; all in all far more questionable things had occurred that day – Jim and Montgomery Scott had been beamed back aboard the Enterprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I first thought of this AU and started writing it, I got stuck at this point for the longest time. I knew where I wanted to go, but I just didn't know how to get Kirk to Delta Vega since the Vulcan-raised Kirk wouldn't just start yelling until Spock had to get security and jettison him on the ice planet. I was stuck for quite a while, but then I talked it over with my brother (he's a HUGE Trekkie, from TOS onwards) and he suggested I watch Where No Man Has Gone Before again (I think I watched it when I was little and didn't really understand it back then) and maybe see if I can do something with Gary Mitchell's godlike powers. And besides, it also happened on Delta Vega, hence a connection with that other timeline, right? And so thanks to my brother, I managed to get Kirk so sneak out to Delta Vega and continue the story! Thanks, bro! 
> 
> I hope this twist works for you guys, though. :D
> 
> All Vulcan translations were sourced from the [Vulcan Language Dictionary](https://www.starbase-10.de/vld/).
> 
> Transcript of the movie can be found at [this site](http://www.chakoteya.net/Extras/movie2009.html).
> 
> I'll try to put the next chapter up tomorrow! <3


	4. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

Spock was displeased when James and a very wet man were escorted onto the bridge. Selenn had publicly dressed him down for dismissing James’ input and ‘losing’ the young human. It was not Spock’s fault that the blond human had stolen a shuttle and left for parts unknown without alerting anyone. After all, he was human and his actions were ruled by his emotions, and the demand to stop at Delta Vega had been completely and utterly unwarranted. But yet, instead of blaming James for abandoning them to their fate, Selenn had curtly told him that the T’Vran had learned the difficult way that James’ instincts were not to be ignored, even when he had been a child. In front of the bridge crew. While Sarek, Spock’s father, with whom he had a challenged relationship, was on the bridge. Even though Spock did not want to admit it, it had rankled. And now here James was, back somehow, and with a tagalong. It should have been impossible for him to beam aboard the Enterprise while they were in warp speed

Spock glared at the two humans, one dripping wet while James was still clad in the black Starfleet regulation undershirt and pants he had last been seen wearing, his blue eyes shining defiantly.

“Who are you?” Spock chose to ignore James and turned his baleful stare at the other man.

The dripping wet man looked at Spock, then turned to James, and looked back and forth indecisively. “I’m with him,” he said, inclining his head towards James.

“He’s with _me_ ,” James agreed, and Spock inferred that that meant that Spock did not need to know who the other man was because it was not his concern. And that was wrong, because as acting captain, it was definitely Spock’s concern who it was that had illegally (and impossibly) beamed aboard the Enterprise.

“We're travelling at warp speed. How did you manage to beam aboard this ship?” he demanded to know.

“You're the genius, _you_ figure it out,” for the first time, James was acting fully human, the way his Starfleet Academy students might when they tried to argue with him in class. James’ eyes flashed mockingly at him and his body language – his posture and stance – screamed defiance.

“As Acting Captain of this vessel, I order you to answer the question,” he tried to suppress the stab of annoyance that went through him.

“Well, I'm not telling, _Acting_ Captain. What di... What, now, that doesn't frustrate you, does it? My lack of cooperation. That, that doesn't make you _angry_?”

Spock turned to the unfamiliar man, hoping that addressing him would force him to calm himself. “Are you a member of Starfleet?”

“I.. um.. yes. Can I get a towel, please?” the man replied hesitantly.

“Under penalty of court martial, I order you to explain to me how you were able to beam aboard this ship while moving at warp,” Spock ordered him, his tone severe.

“Well…” the man hesitated.

“Don’t answer him,” James told the man insolently.

“You _will_ answer me,” Spock tried not to grit his teeth with anger.

The man again looked back and forth at James and Spock several times before he set his jaw. “I'd rather not take sides,” he declared.

“What is it with you, Spock? Hmm?” one of James’ eyebrows went up, his tone mocking. “Vulcan never accepted you, _hybrid_ ,” he sneered. “And yet, I, a full human was raised by a Vulcan, am loved by a Vulcan, and I went to the Vulcan Science Academy. Vulcan accepted _me_ , a lowly human, but _not_ you, even though you have Vulcan blood in you.”

“If you're presuming that these experiences in any way impede my ability to command this ship, you are mistaken,” Spock countered, refusing to acknowledge every barb that metaphorically drew blood.

“I don’t want to command this ship,” James sneered. “A _Starfleet_ ship? A _human_ ship? I belong on the T’Vran where they would have trusted me about going to Delta Vega. And I was right.”

“It was illogical to go to Delta Vega on your word alone,” Spock growled at him.

“Was it? We can now beam aboard the Romulans’ ship, even though they are at warp because I went to that hellhole,” James shrugged. “I am sure my father had words with you about disregarding my opinions.”

Which, of course, Selenn had. Spock found himself counting to ten. First, in Vulcan. Then Andorian. Then Standard. Then Klingon.

James chuckled, the first time Spock had seen the human openly laugh. It was not a kind laugh. “I bet my father’s words stung. I bet it defied logic, how an elder of the Vulcan High Council could trust his adopted son, his _human_ son, so much that he insisted you should have heard me out and given me a chance, even if my suggestion was illogical,” his smile was cruel. “Didn’t it? Didn’t it _hurt_ that my adopted father could have more faith in me than in you, who are supposedly more Vulcan than I could ever be? How did that feel, hmm?”

“I will not allow you to lecture me on the merits of emotion,” Spock could hear his voice breaking, and feel the heat rising in his body. Beyond his capacity to regulate.

“Then why don’t you stop me?” James stepped right into him, blue eyes burning bright with mockery and superiority. The same superiority that Spock had seen in his peers, his instructors, and with the people who had accepted him into the Vulcan Science Academy _despite his disadvantage_. It made his blood boil and anger rose within him, a quick burning flame.

“Step away from me, James…”

“Your planet was just destroyed, your mother almost murdered, and _I_ had to rescue her,” the human continued, stepping even closer, getting right in Spock’s face, his blue eyes burning right into him, heating him up even more. “You just stood there while I jumped off the cliff and saved her. D’you think that your mother will now prefer me over you, too, the way the rest of Vulcan did?”

“Back away…” his protest was weak.

“And even if she had died, you wouldn’t have cared because you’re Vulcan and grief is _illogical_ ,” James made it sound like a swear word. “Right?” he said silkily. Abruptly his demeanor changed. “ _Rish-ha-vel_ ,” he spat out. _Hybrid_ , he’d sneered in Vulcan. “ _Pretender_.”

Spock didn’t even realize it when rage overcame him. He wasn’t consciously aware that he’d acted and later, when he looked back at the security footage, he heard himself roar in a most un-Vulcan like fashion as he began pummeling the human, and he saw that James barely even put up a fight. James, who had been raised by a Vulcan and combat trained by the Vulcan Science Academy. James, who should have been able to counter his moves, and who should have been trained to deal with the strength of a Vulcan, if he were to have survived growing up a human amongst prejudiced Vulcan children, had pretty much allowed himself to succumb to the thrashing Spock dealt him. And when Spock thought back to the time when he was squeezing the attractive young human’s neck, he remembered feeling the need to stop the mocking blue eyes, to make them shine with panic and penitence, and the need to teach the insolent human a lesson. He might only be half Vulcan and perhaps not as strong as a full Vulcan, but he possessed more than enough strength to crush the larynx of a puny human.

Vaguely he remembered hearing James struggle to breathe, and his hands clawed at Spock’s fingers around his neck, trying to stop him. And the flashes of _grief_ and _don’t mean it_ and _have to do this_ and _sorry, so, so sorry_ that came through when he was strangling James, his hand on the human’s bare neck activating his natural Vulcan touch telepathy since his mental shields had collapsed, and these emotions baffled him. Sorry? Don’t mean it? What did it all mean? A tiny part of Spock had tried to focus on these flashes, but ultimately, he had been far too angry to stop himself.

And then, Spock heard that voice that he could never disobey, even though they had not spoken directly for years. That voice broke through the haze of uncontrollable fury that had overwhelmed him.

“Spock!” Sarek’s voice called out, his tone urgent.

Spock continued to squeeze James’ neck, enjoying it as the human’s face turned red and he was close to asphyxiating, until the voice got through to his brain and his natural reserve finally flooded back into him. He released the human, and shame overtook him. He couldn’t bear to hear James coughing and wheezing painfully for breath.

Spock stood, straightened his blue shirt, and looked around the bridge, seeing the looks of horror on the bridge crew. His father remained straight faced and unemotional, but Spock thought he could see the disapproval in his entire body.

“I am no longer fit for duty. I hereby relinquish my command, based on the fact that I have been emotionally compromised. Please note the time and date in the ship's log,” he muttered before he stumbled into the turbolift.

Sarek stood for a moment and looked around the bridge before he also left the bridge.

“I _like_ this ship!” the unknown intruder exclaimed, his Scottish brogue coming through clearly. “You know, it’s exciting!”

\-----------------------------------------------------

Jim stood, trying to banish the dark spots from his vision, and gulping in breaths. He would not be eating solids for the next few days, he thought, swallowing with great difficulty. Oh well. It wouldn’t be the first time. Besides, he would count it as a success if he were even alive to eat anything at all after today, after he convinced whoever was next in line for acting captain that they needed to turn back towards Earth.

“Well, congratulations, Jimmy boy. Now we've got no Captain and no goddamn first officer to replace him,” Doctor McCoy growled at him.

Jim pulled himself together and looked around the bridge. “Who is next in command?” he rasped, his throat burning when he spoke. He desperately hoped that someone would step forward so he wouldn’t have to captain a Starfleet vessel.

The bridge crew looked around. They had suffered deaths down the chain of command, Captain Pike had been taken hostage, Acting Captain Spock had relieved himself of command, and they were mostly manned by very junior officers and fourth year cadets. Cadet Uhura shrugged. “Maybe Sulu is now the ranking officer?” she said warily.

Sulu stared at Jim in panic. “I just graduated the Academy last semester!” he shook his head. “I’m not ready for this kind of responsibility!”

Jim sighed, closing his eyes and quelling the urge to vomit, knowing what he now had to do. “I was first officer of the T’Vran for two years,” he finally offered. “And I grew up on that ship. So. I might have the most experience of those left on board.”

“We cede command to you then, given your experience,” Sulu blurted quickly. “After all, you are the representative of the Vulcan High Council.”

Jim looked around and nodded, noting the suspicious looks he received from some of the crew. “Only temporarily,” he told everyone. “I will assume command until we defeat Nero. And then you may resume normal operations.” And by then Jim would probably be court martialed or something. Better court martialed than dead, he supposed.

Sulu nodded, and Chekov, Uhura and the other bridge crew members nodded their agreement. Reluctantly, Jim strode to the captain’s chair and gingerly sat himself down. He looked at the buttons on the arm and hit the right one on the first try, making the announcement that he, James son of Selenn, former first officer of the T’Vran and a representative of the Vulcan High Council was assuming command of the Enterprise and ordering a pursuit course of the enemy ship to Earth and putting all departments on battle stations.

“Either we’re going down, or they are,” he finished, his blue eyes solemn.

Jim worked with the senior crew to come up with a viable plan, and then somehow he ended up working with Spock who had returned to duty but not to take over as Acting Captain again. Scotty beamed Spock and him aboard the Narada using their handy new transwarp beaming equation, and they somehow managed to pull it off. They worked together seamlessly to accomplish their goals on the Narada, as if they had worked together many times before. Spock melded with a Romulan to find out where the red matter and Old Spock’s Jellyfish was, as well as the location of Captain Pike while Jim provided cover fire. Spock took the Jellyfish and Jim remained on the Narada to rescue Captain Pike.

Unfortunately, Jim encountered some Romulans while he was searching for Pike. Oddly enough, Nero recognized Jim as the Romulan was beating him up. _Of course_. Apparently Jim was the only one who had thought that his human name would die a quiet death with the boy that Selenn had rescued all those years ago. Instead, there was now a third person calling Jim by his never-used human name in one day. But luckily Spock’s move to fly off with the Jellyfish and destroy the Narada’s drill as they were attempting to drill into Earth’s core, distracted Nero and Jim managed to take down Nero’s man after yet another strangling. When Jim found a human he presumed to be Captain Pike, the older man stared at him, doing a double take.

“Do I know you?” the man asked.

“Captain Pike?” Jim had to be certain he’d found the correct hostage.

“Yes.”

“I’m Commander James,” Jim introduced himself. “Enterprise, two to beam out!”

“I thought I knew everyone on the Enterprise?” Pike asked groggily as they dematerialized.

Jim, Pike and Spock arrived back on the Enterprise at the same time. Jim handed Pike over to McCoy and he and Spock hurried to the bridge.

“Captain, the enemy ship is losing power. Their shields are down, sir,” Chekov reported.

“Hail them now,” Jim ordered, ignoring being addressed as ‘Captain’.

“Aye, sir,” Chekov responded.

Nero appeared on the viewscreen as a black hole appeared in the Narada. “James Tiberius Kirk!!!” he roared. “ _Captain Kirk_!!!”

“This is _Commander_ James son of Selenn of the USS Enterprise. Your ship is compromised. You’re too close to the singularity to escape without assistance, which we will provide,” Jim ignored the sound of his human name.

Spock grabbed Jim’s arm, turning his back to the viewscreen to conceal his words. “Captain, what are you doing?” he whispered.

“ _Not_ captain,” Jim whispered back. “Showing them compassion may be the only way to earn peace with Romulus. It's logic, Spock. Thought you'd like that.”

“No, not really. Not this time.”

Jim gave him a half feral grin, approving of his bloodthirstiness.

“I would rather suffer the end of Romulus a thousand times. I would rather die in agony than accept assistance from you and your Vulcan pet, Kirk!” Nero screamed.

“You got it,” Jim agreed with him cheerfully.

He gave orders to fire everything they had to hasten the Narada’s destruction. The entire bridge crew witnessed the destruction of the Narada and Jim couldn’t help but feel satisfaction and relief at ending this threat to the Federation. Nero was a genocidal psychopath. He was the murderer of Jim’s biological father. Unfortunately they became caught in the gravity well of the black hole. After a mad scramble, Jim ordered Scotty to eject the warp core and detonate it, a last ditch attempt which did result in the Enterprise escaping the singularity.

Once they were finally moving away from the black hole that had consumed the Narada, Jim looked around the bridge. Spock nodded approvingly at him, and he received smiles from everyone else, and finally, he let out a long breath and nodded to himself. He relaxed in the captain’s chair for a few moments, focusing on controlling his breathing, eyes closed.

“ _Kirk_?” Uhura’s voice broke the silence. “You’re James Tiberius Kirk, who was born on a shuttle evacuating the USS Kelvin while your father Captain George Kirk sacrificed himself to save his crew? You are the Kelvin baby who went missing?”

Jim’s eyes flew wide open, his heartbeat which a moment ago had calmed suddenly pounding again. He stood a little unsteadily, straightening out his shirt. His black shirt with the nondescript yet emotionally weighty Starfleet logo on it. He turned to Spock.

“As you are now no longer emotionally compromised, I hereby rescind my command of this Starfleet vessel. You are now the ranking officer.” Jim was ashamed of it, but his voice trembled towards the end of his final sentence.

“Wait,” Sulu called out. “Wait. James. Captain.”

“I am _not_ your captain!” Jim snarled. “I am not Starfleet, as Captain Spock so kindly pointed out before. I will take my leave now.”

“Are you George Kirk’s son?” Sulu asked. “We all had to study the Kelvin and we learned all about George Kirk. And your mysterious disappearance. Are you in fact his son?”

“I am James, son of Selenn,” Jim muttered, trying to make his way to the turbolift but he found his way blocked by several officers.

“They said you died in childhood,” Jim heard someone say.

“They said you went missing after you were abducted,” someone else said.

Jim sighed and squared his shoulder. “I was sent away,” he declared, trying to make his voice strong. “My father Selenn rescued me and raised me. I have not been Jimmy Kirk for fourteen years and I am not starting it again today, no matter how many people keep saying that name.”

“You saved us today,” Chekov said reverently. “You saved us all, Earth, the Enterprise, perhaps the Federation.”

“I did only what was necessary,” Jim brushed it away. “ _Kaiidth_.” What is, is.

“You are owed a debt of gratitude,” Spock told him.

Jim paled when he recalled the words he had said to Spock and gave him a panicked look. Spock tried not to look too uncomfortable. Jim looked around at the faces surrounding him and finally held up his hand in the ta’al. “Live long and prosper,” he muttered and when he saw a gap, he swiftly escaped into the turbolift and disappeared off the bridge.

Spock and the remaining bridge crew looked at each other, all of them silenced by Jim’s abrupt departure from the bridge.

\----------------------------------

It was hours later after Spock had managed to report back to Starfleet and drafted preliminary reports of what had transpired before he found himself seeking out Doctor McCoy in Sickbay.

“What do you want?” McCoy asked, his tone acerbic, but even Spock could see that McCoy looked exhausted. He had just finished a long and complicated surgery to remove the Centaurian slug lodged in Captain Pike’s spine. Pike’s prognosis was good, although there was a chance he might never walk again. But his brain was his again.

“Doctor, I wish to inquire about James.”

“Jim Kirk? George Kirk’s son?” even McCoy who had been in surgery had heard the news.

Spock suppressed a sigh. “James son of Selenn is what he prefers,” he told McCoy who snorted in response.

“What’s your question?” McCoy asked. “Make it quick, you pointy eared hobgoblin. I need to sleep for a few hours so I can be ready for whatever it is we encounter next.”

Spock nodded, seeing the wisdom in the request. “Has he approached you for medical treatment?”

“Not since I popped his shoulder back in,” McCoy shook his head. He rubbed his face in exhaustion. “I have a hypospray of painkillers I mixed up special ready for him but the kid hasn’t come back here.”

“I have reason to believe that he is in need of further medical treatment,” Spock reluctantly admitted.

“I heard about you beating the crap out of the boy.”

“It is regrettable that…”

“He was trying to emotionally compromise you. I know that, too,” McCoy waved it away.

“I believe I might have… harmed him,” Spock confessed. “And I fear he may have suffered more at the hands of the Romulans after I took the Jellyfish and left him alone to look for Captain Pike.”

McCoy grabbed some supplies and jerked his head. “Let’s go find him then.”

“He is likely with Elder Selenn,” Spock meekly agreed as he followed McCoy.

They located Selenn’s temporary quarters and rang the door chime. A moment later the door slid open and the Vulcan gave them an inscrutable look.

“We have come to ensure James receives the medical care that he requires, elder,” Spock said quietly.

Selenn stared at him for a good long while before he nodded and gestured them in. Spock could smell recently burned incense. Selenn had been meditating. The elder Vulcan led them through to a darkened bedroom and murmured for lights to twenty five percent. James lay on top of the covers, shirtless in the Vulcan-like temperature of Selenn’s quarters, and wearing a pair of loose gray pants, curled on his side, fast asleep. McCoy ran his tricorder over the prone body and shook his head, pulling objects out of his bag. Selenn knelt on the bed and ran a hand through James’ blond hair.

“Five more minutes, _Samekh_ ,” James mumbled.

“Jim, the doctor is here for you,” Selenn’s tone was impossibly gentle. Not at all Vulcan-like. Spock found himself staring at the elder Vulcan in shock at this breach of his behavior. He had never heard anyone other than his mother who was most definitely _not_ Vulcan express such emotion. Selenn gave him a stern stare before he turned back to his son, and Spock saw his demeanor gentle. “Come, Jim. _Sa-fu_. Wake up, please.”

“Red alert?” the human mumbled. “Don’t hear the klaxons…”

“No, but I require your presence.”

For a moment Spock thought the human would turn over and go back to sleep but his body stilled and his eyes opened, revealing the mesmerizing cerulean orbs. “ _Samekh_?” his voice was hoarse and Spock felt guilty when he heard it. He was responsible for the bruises clearly visible, a ring around his neck.

“ _Ha_ , Jim. Doctor McCoy is here.”

Jim looked around the room and saw McCoy and Spock, and he attempted to sit up. McCoy gently pushed him back down.

“You have a couple of fractured ribs, Jim,” McCoy said gruffly. “And how many times exactly did this pointy eared hobgoblin try to strangle you?”

“Once,” James rasped. “And I deserved it.”

“James…” Spock started.

James winced. “I apologize, Captain Spock,” he looked Spock squarely in the eye as he apologized. “For the things I said. I did not mean any of them.”

“No apology is necessary.”

James shook his head. “I said things I do not mean.”

Spock nodded. “I understand why you did it and since your actions saved Earth, I agree it was justified. _My_ actions however…”

“I deserved it,” James interrupted Spock. “ _Ow_!” The human’s eyes flashed as he glared at the doctor, his hand flying up to his neck. “Bones!” he whined. “What the hell was that? My father made it clear to you that I have a lot of allergies!”

“Relax, it’s a Jim-proof concoction I came up with today that you never came for. It’s a sedative and painkiller so I can work the regen on your ribs. You don’t want to be awake for that.”

“How long w…?” Jim’s eyes rolled to the back of his head and he slumped heavily into the mattress halfway through his sentence, completely unconscious.

“I assure you that he is not allergic to the sedative and he’ll wake up in a couple of hours,” McCoy told Selenn and he began treating the unconscious human. “Probably be easier to do this in Sickbay and have a biobed diagnose him but this will have to do. Fractured a couple of ribs, bruised at least three more. A couple of broken fingers, too. He looks like he was strangled at least on three separate occasions. He’s lucky he didn’t get permanent damage to his trachea.”

“I was responsible for only one strangulation,” Spock felt compelled to add.

“Fucking Romulans,” McCoy spat angrily as he continued his treatments. “Bruised eye socket, a fantastic shiner. Contusions all over the rest of his body. A twisted ankle. All in all, boy looks like he was thoroughly beat up.”

“Jim has always had a tendency to throw himself into danger, regardless of his own safety,” Selenn murmured.

Spock watched as the Vulcan elder settled on the bed, sitting up against the headboard and running his fingers through the short cropped blond hair.

“You wonder why I am engaging in actions which are un-Vulcan in nature?” the elder asked, meeting Spock’s curious eyes.

Spock’s eyes widened when he realized that he had been caught staring. McCoy snorted quietly as he continued to work.

Selenn smiled down tenderly at the unconscious blond human. It was jarring. It was such an odd thing to see a Vulcan _smile_.

“I realized early on that Jim is human and his needs are different than those of a Vulcan child,” he said softly. “I wished to raise him to be what he is. Human. Humans have a need to be touched to be comforted, humans need to express their emotions and feel the expression of emotions towards them in order to be healthy, and therefore, as his father, it was logical that I provide this for him, regardless of what Vulcan norms dictate. To expect Jim to be Vulcan would have been unfair to him and would have set him up for failure.”

Spock nodded, unable to look away as Selenn kept brushing his fingers through James’ blond hair. “He is George Kirk’s son,” he stated.

Selenn nodded. “Yes. But he is also _my_ son, and has been for fourteen years.”

Spock had more questions but he was commed and had to leave McCoy to his work and Selenn to his unorthodox behavior.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now the Enterprise knows Kirk's human name! :D
> 
> More tomorrow (unless the AO3 outage lasts longer than they predict).


	5. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I missed posting the chapter yesterday. Had work all day and Friday is family night, so it ended up being not conducive to posting the chapter. :)
> 
> The next few chapters is most definitely AU. I'm filling in the blanks between the destruction of the Narada and the end of the movie.

**Chapter Four**

After this, even though James never returned to the bridge, it seemed to Spock as if he was everywhere else, helping out wherever he could. Mr Scott, the tagalong that James had found on Delta Vega turned out to be a genius at eking out every single ounce of power out of the Enterprise’s laboring engines, and James was more often than not down in Engineering helping out with the endless amount of maintenance work. Spock kept hearing the Engineering department praising James on his resourcefulness and skill. The Enterprise was limping home on impulse power since Mr Scott had ejected their warp core. Their journey would take 3.2 weeks until the first of Starfleet’s ships that was returning from the Laurentian system would meet them and tractor beam them the rest of the way at warp. And during this time there was much to do to keep the ship running. James seemed to be doing his part.

Spock would see him at mealtimes, sitting with McCoy, Sulu, Chekov, Scott, and even at times Cadet Uhura, smiling and laughing at the conversations they were having. James would nod at him to acknowledge his presence but Spock either ate alone or at a separate table with Cadet Uhura, or with his parents. He did not have the ability to insert himself into a conversation in the way that humans had and had learned to keep to himself so as to not inflict awkward conversations on himself.

Sometimes Spock saw James at the rec room, playing chess against Chekov, and he also heard from Amanda and Sarek that James was providing valuable input to the Vulcan High Council, attending the meetings with Elder Selenn and behaving admirably. Spock felt as if he was hearing too much about James everywhere he went and if he were prone to such emotions, he was sure that the burning in his belly when he heard his own mother speak so highly of James would be termed jealousy. It didn’t help that he, along with most of the surviving Vulcans on the Enterprise, were having trouble meditating and ordering his own thoughts. It was helpful to have his parents aboard so he could participate in the family melds, something that he had not done since he snubbed the Vulcan Science Academy in favor of Starfleet Academy.

Spock had given his quarters to his parents, choosing instead to bunk in the Observation Deck with a number of the other crew of the Enterprise, many of whom had chosen to give their quarters to the Vulcan refugees that they had managed to rescue. He rang the chime at the door to his quarters and Sarek answered the door, allowing him entry. He had come to utilize the shower, find fresh uniform, and for their daily melds, without which he would be in complete turmoil. He looked forward to this time alone with his parents. But that day, Spock was disgruntled to find Elder Selenn sitting at the table, engaging in conversation with his mother.

“Mother,” Spock greeted her. “Elder Selenn.”

“Captain,” Selenn nodded.

Amanda stood and Spock walked over to her, allowing her to grip his hands tightly. It was as much affection as he had allowed her since he was a teen and had asked her to stop embracing him in an effort to be more Vulcan, a memory that now stung even more in light of Selenn’s behavior towards James.

“Spock,” Amanda smiled happily.

“Elder Selenn is here accompanying Jim, who is modifying the replicator,” Sarek told him, sitting at the table next to his wife. It surprised Spock to hear his father using the contraction of James’ name. It was most unexpected.

Spock raised an eyebrow. “To what end?”

“Your father mentioned to Selenn yesterday that the replicators have not been programmed with very many Vulcan dishes,” Amanda explained.

“My son has been modifying replicators, especially to help the rescued children feel more… at home on the Enterprise,” Selenn said serenely. “I thought he could do the same for the replicator in your quarters.”

Spock nodded.

“Spock, come and sit, please,” Amanda smiled at him.

Obediently, Spock went and sat. He looked over to the corner where his replicator was tucked away and there were a pair of legs clad in soft black pants and boots sticking out from under it while the rest of the human’s body was concealed within the replicator’s innards. “Are you sure Commander James is qualified to do this?” he asked Selenn.

“Jim has been, as he says, ‘tinkering’ with replicators ever since he was a child,” Selenn replied, his tone warm. “I assure you that he is quite competent.”

“He’s right here too, you know,” James’ voice surprised Spock. “ _He_ may be human but he still has ears that work.”

Amanda laughed. “Sorry, Jim. Didn’t mean to talk about you as if you weren’t here.”

“Ehh. With a bunch of Vulcans around, it’s to be expected,” James replied insolently. He poked a head out and winked at his father, who – and this was extremely shocking to Spock – winked right back, slowly and deliberately. James laughed out loud and went back to his task.

“I don’t mean to be rude, but it surprises me every time you assume the mannerisms of a human for Jim,” Amanda exclaimed.

Selenn looked at her, his expression serene, but overall Spock thought he was radiating contentment. “He is human, and he is my son,” he said simply. “I have provided him with what I can of human needs, including emotional support, as otherwise I should not have adopted a human child. If I had not been prepared to do this, I would have had to return him to those who can provide for him better than I could.”

“I tried to convince Selenn to let me undergo _kolinahr_ when I was twelve,” Jim’s voice floated out. “So I would fit in better. But he told me that I was too human to purge all emotions.”

 _Kolinahr_? Spock tried not to show his surprise at the statement. _Kolinahr_ was the Vulcan aspiration, to purge oneself of all emotion and to become a completely logical being. Why would a human child have wanted to achieve such a thing?

“Indeed, it would not have been a wise move,” Selenn agreed. “Were I to allow you to undertake it, especially at so young an age, it would have been detrimental to your well being and I will not allow that to happen.”

“I know, _Samekh_. I’m teasing you,” Jim pulled himself out from under the replicator and crouched down, screwing the covers back on. Spock found his eyes drawn to Jim’s rather delectable rear end while he was in that position. “All right. So, let me guess…” the blue eyes looked around, his gaze resting briefly on Selenn, Amanda, Sarek and Spock. “Plomeek soup?” he offered.

“I am amenable,” Sarek nodded.

James grinned, pressed a few buttons and after a moment opened the replicator. He pulled the bowl out, sniffed it gingerly before he nodded. “I believe this should be acceptable,” he mused. “Perhaps, _Samekh_ , you will be so kind as to give this _spolek_ a try.”

“Perhaps it is unwise to try an experiment of this sort?” Spock muttered, his doubt growing since the human was himself calling it an experiment.

Ignoring Spock, Selenn waved his son over and grabbed the spoon. He took a neat spoonful, and swallowed it. “It is acceptable, Jim.”

Jim’s smile was wide and he happily turned back to the replicator. “Plomeek soup all around?” he asked.

“I was thinking I might have a veggie burger with cheese,” Amanda grinned at the blond human.

Jim rolled his eyes and smiled back. “Plomeek soup, Captain?” the human turned to Spock.

For a moment, Spock wanted to decline but the smell coming from Selenn’s bowl was enticing. He had not had plomeek soup in a while. He nodded.

“Captain, I’ve done this to everyone here except you tonight and it was only an omission because you were absent at the time, but I do offer you my name,” the human said as he busied himself at the replicator.

“James,” Spock nodded. “I offer you mine.”

“Please, it’s Jim,” the human brought steaming bowls of soup to the table and set one in front of Spock and one in front of Sarek. A minute later he brought Amanda a plate with a burger and fries.

“And what of yourself, Jim?” Selenn asked.

“I’ll eat later. I told Sulu I’d hang out with him tonight.”

“You will eat now, _sa-fu_ ,” Selenn told him sternly.

Jim sighed noisily and opened his mouth to object.

“Please?” Amanda smiled at him and Spock recognized the look on her face. It was the very same look she would give him when she asked him to do something he did not wish to do, and the look that he could not resist. It pleased him to find that Jim was not immune to the look.

“OK, fine,” the human sighed. He fiddled with the replicator again and returned, seating himself at the table with his own bowl of plomeek soup.

Thankfully for Spock, the rest of the meal passed with conversation turning to Starfleet’s response to what had happened with the Narada and the preliminary plans that the Vulcan High Council had come up with. Amanda talked about how the children were coping, and praised the Enterprise staff for volunteering with child care and continuing the lessons for the children while the Vulcans worked to recover from the loss of bondmates and family members.

The next day, Spock encountered Jim in the gym. Jim had commandeered one of the bigger areas and was leading about twenty Vulcan children of varying ages through the opening exercises of the _suus mahna_ , the traditional Vulcan martial arts. A small crowd of Enterprise crewmembers were watching with open curiosity, but Jim ignored them, focusing instead on his own movements and the children’s. After they went through the first set of movements once, Jim asked them to continue and he walked around inspecting the children and occasionally adjusting the stance of a child here and there. He wore black gloves on his hands to ensure that his emotions did not bleed to the already overwhelmed children.

Spock noted with approval that Jim’s form was impeccable and he was a good instructor. He led the children through the next set of movements and Spock was unable to tear his eyes away from the blond figure. He wore loose black pants, soft boots covered his feet, and he was wearing what looked to be regulation black undershirt, tight in all the right places, but without the Starfleet logo on its chest. Given Jim’s facility with replicators, Spock had no doubt that he had managed to program one to replicate shirts without the Starfleet logo, per his obvious aversion to Starfleet.

Spock watched the entire session which lasted an hour. After it was over, the children thanked Jim in Vulcan and the human looked as if he was trying to contain a smile. Some of the very young children held up their arms and Jim easily picked them up and hugged them, whispering in their ears before he set them on their feet and they filed out. Remembering the comfort that he himself had found in his mother’s embrace when he was a child, Spock was thankful that this human was here offering the kind of comfort that a Vulcan adult might not be prepared to give. Sulu went up to Jim and they spoke for a few minutes. Spock waited until after Sulu walked away from Jim and approached him while the blond man was putting the room back to rights.

“May I spar with you?” Spock asked him, surprising himself. He was not used to sparring with humans as they were so much more fragile, but after watching Jim’s moves for an hour, he was sure they could do it fairly comfortably.

“Oh hi, Captain,” Jim smiled at him.

“We have mock lirpas if you wish to spar,” Spock pressed a button and the wall slid aside, showing a variety of weapons including lirpas and several Klingon bat’leths.

Jim gave him a speculative look. “Sure,” he nodded. He picked up a bat’leth and spun it around expertly, ending in a crouch with the bat’leth balanced on the back of his wrist, ready for any attacks. He put it back on the wall and picked up a lirpa, testing its weight and moving fluidly with it.

They returned to the sparring space and faced each other, circling slowly. Spock was not surprised when Jim attacked first, and he parried, and they began the dance of the _suus mahna_ , striking, parrying, feinting. Jim was quick on his feet, almost as fast as a Vulcan, and his style began morphing from the classic forms to a modified form that Spock did not recognize. It was still _suus mahna_ , but instead of relying on Vulcan strength, Jim was using the modified forms to his advantage against the greater Vulcan strength. Jim’s face was covered in a sheen of sweat and his shirt stuck to his torso as they continued to spar.

In the end, they had to concede to a draw as Spock ended with the lirpa against Jim’s throat, but when he looked down, Jim’s lirpa was pressed against his side, right over his heart. He had to work hard to stop his lips from quirking into a smile.

“You are quite proficient,” Spock praised him.

“Thank you.”

“But your form has been modified?”

Jim nodded. “First, my father taught me the _suus mahna_. And after I had mastered the basics of that, he taught me how I could use it against other Vulcans, even with my negligible human strength.”

Spock nodded approvingly. “Your father is wise.”

“That he is,” Jim grinned and they put their lirpas away and separated.

“Man, Jim!” Sulu crowed, and Spock realized that they had gained an audience. “That was awesome! I have never seen anyone best Captain Spock when sparring before!”

“And you still haven’t, have you?” Jim shook his head.

“You came close!” Sulu exclaimed.

Spock gave Jim a nod.

“You don’t fence, by any chance, do you?” Sulu continued.

Jim shook his head.

“Great. I’ll teach you fencing, and you can teach me how to use that lirpa properly.”

“Sure thing,” Jim agreed.

“I’ll reserve some time for us tomorrow.”

“I teach the kids every day at 1600, so keep that in mind.”

Spock and Jim left the gym together. “You have adapted well to life aboard the Enterprise,” Spock said.

“I am nothing if not adaptable,” Jim said in a tone that Spock believed was facetious.

“I meant no disrespect.”

“None was taken,” Jim was quick to assure him. “Mostly mocking myself.”

“I do not understand. Please clarify.”

“It’s just my way of acknowledging that I’ve had to be adaptable in order to survive,” Jim’s tone was light, but Spock knew that the subject matter was anything but. “I have also been meaning to apologize to you for the things I said on the bridge that day.”

“You have already apologized, and I have already told you that it is unnecessary.”

“I know. But I’m human. And I feel guilty about it. I’ll continue to feel guilty for a while. At least until you accept my apology.”

“Very well. I accept your apology, as illogical as it is.”

Jim gave him a grin.

“I, too, apologize for my conduct,” Spock said.

Jim waved his hand, as if waving it away. “It was my fault. I was trying to elicit an emotional response to compromise you,” he said apologetically.

Spock tried not to flinch at the very familiar words, the very same words that his tormentors had used to say to him on a daily basis. Even after he had broken Stonn’s nose, they had continued to torment him to ‘elicit an emotional response’ out of him.

Jim must have noticed his reaction as he became even more apologetic. “It’s not true, you know,” he said.

Spock raised an eyebrow, wordlessly asking for clarification.

“It is a fallacy to believe that Vulcan accepted me anymore than they must have accepted you,” Jim gave him a shrewd look.

Spock nodded.

“I was mostly an outcast, unless we were on the T’Vran,” Jim confessed.

Spock gave him an almost grin. He knew what that felt like, to be an outcast.

“It was unfair to you and I deserved everything and more,” Jim told him.

“Perhaps, we may assume that we are now, as you humans say, ‘even’?” Spock suggested. Jim had not meant the words, unlike the cruelty he had suffered from his schoolmates. They had meant every word of it. He could not hold this against Jim.

“I hope so,” Jim shook his head.

They parted ways and Spock found himself replaying the sparring session over and over in his head, analyzing Jim’s moves and seeing how the modified moves worked against his stronger Vulcan physique. Jim had indeed been able to use Spock’s strength against him and it was fascinating to analyze how that was. He would have to devise a modified response for the next time he and Jim sparred. And he found himself wanting to spar with Jim again. He also found himself irritated by the thought of Jim sparring with Sulu or, in fact, anyone else. The thought of anyone other than himself putting their hands on Jim was not something he enjoyed. He quelled the emotions. He was in need of meditation again.

The next time Spock saw Jim, it was at the crew mess, and Jim was sitting at a table with McCoy. “Over here!” Jim waved him over, pushing his tray over to make room for Spock.

Spock was puzzled for a moment before he realized that Jim had invited him to sit at their table. An unfamiliar emotion went through him, and there was a slight delay before Spock identified it. It was pleasure. He was pleased that Jim had made room for him and had called him over. He looked around and realized that everyone was watching. Nodding, he moved to the table and sat next to Jim at the space the young human had cleared for him, trying not to show just how happy it made him to be asked to sit at Jim’s table.

“Doctor,” Spock politely greeted the man. Humans had a need to acknowledge each other’s presence. “Jim.”

“Spock,” McCoy growled. “You have to tell Jimbo here that he’s not indestructible.”

“Bones!” Jim whined as he forked some pasta into his mouth. “Don’t fuss!”

“To what are you referring, Doctor McCoy?” Spock asked McCoy.

“Jimmy boy here ended up in the medbay again this morning.”

“Medbay? Why?” Spock found himself anxious at the thought that Jim would be in need of medical help. Again.

“Injuries.”

“Injuries? Injuries of what nature?” Spock glared at McCoy.

“Don’t glare at me! _He’s_ the idiot running around Engineering and climbing up Jeffries tubes and pushing people out of the way of exploding consoles and whatnot,” McCoy angrily took a bite of his food.

“Hey!” Jim objected. “I’m the least injured of the people working in Engineering!”

“Infant!” McCoy growled at the blue eyed man.

The blond stuck his tongue out at McCoy, making the older man roll his eyes and mutter under his breath.

“Why is Engineering incurring these injuries?” Spock asked.

“Too much to do to hold my beautiful lady together after the beating she took,” Scotty interrupted, putting his tray on the table and elbowing in next to McCoy. “We’re flying better than anything you might think given what the Narada did to us, but every day is a challenge. You’ve read my reports, Captain.” His Scottish brogue was thick and Spock found he had to focus in order to understand the man.

“I have. I have not, however, seen the extent of injuries incurred in the reports.”

“I’ve put the numbers in there.”

“Please also include the nature of the injuries, Mr Scott,” Spock told him. “Include as well injuries incurred by non-Starfleet volunteers.” Jim wasn’t the only one occupying themselves helping out with the running of the Enterprise. Others, especially some of the younger Vulcans they had rescued – adults, but of the same relative age as Spock and the majority of the crew of the Enterprise – were pitching in where they could as well. Jim could be seen hanging out with them at times.

“Aye, sir,” Scott agreed.

“Ah, you guys worry too much. Engineering is meant to be an adventure,” Jim told them. “Right, Scotty?”

“Don’t you get me in trouble with the Captain now, laddie,” Scott scolded Jim, who only laughed at his expression.

“I’d feel a lot better if you’d just take it easy for a day or two, Jim,” McCoy was suddenly serious. “You’ve been through a lot.”

Jim made a face. “I’d rather be in Engineering rather than be dragged into Council meetings.”

“If you wish, I am planning to attend this afternoon’s Vulcan High Council meeting,” Spock said. “I would be gratified if you were also to attend.”

Jim gave him a surprised look. “Yeah?”

“Good, make sure he stays there and doesn’t do too much with that arm. The regen needs a little time to really settle and heal him properly,” McCoy glared at Jim.

“Alright. I’ll do the Vulcan High Council meeting this afternoon,” Jim sighed and pushed his tray away.

“You are frustrated by the Council?” Spock asked.

Jim made a face that Spock could only describe as a pout, and he found himself watching those expressive lips. Jim licked his lips and propped his head up with an elbow. “I go with _Samekh_ , and whenever I suggest anything they just look at me in that way…”

“What way?” McCoy asked.

Jim gave it a moment’s thought. “Like I’m not Vulcan?” he said hesitantly. He turned to Spock. “Which of course, I’m not, but that doesn’t quite cover it. As if I’m _kre’nath_ ,” he said. “I’ve forgotten the right word in Standard, but I assure you my birth parents were married years before I was born.”

“Bastard?” Scotty suggested.

“Yeah. That!” Jim grinned. “I haven’t heard that word in a _long_ time!”

“Well I don’t know how they are at those meetings, but some of those Vulcan elders look at me as if they just scraped me off the bottom of their shoe when they see me in medbay, and I’m supposed to be ensuring their health and well being,” McCoy grumbled.

“I thought Vulcans didn’t feel?” Scotty shrugged. “Isn’t disdain an emotion?”

Jim snorted indelicately but said nothing.

“Oh, they feel,” McCoy growled.

“The loss of Vulcan has made it more difficult to control emotions,” Jim grimaced. “Even my father is having trouble and he had very few broken bonds.”

Spock watched as McCoy reached across the table and grabbed Jim’s forearm, squeezing gently. He was providing comfort, Spock realized.

“Have _you_ many broken bonds?” Scotty asked Jim.

Jim’s expression shuttered for a moment. “As a human, I have very few actual bonds with Vulcans. Mostly my father, of course, but there were a few of the crew of the T’Vran who have known me since they rescued me who formed bonds with me, but they were safely on the T’Vran, far from Vulcan, and were spared.”

“But you do have a broken bond?” McCoy looked worried. “We should have checked for this.”

Jim waved his concern away. “Bones, it’s fine. It was broken a year ago,” he said softly. “I do not wish to speak of it.”

Spock wanted to know who it was who had broken this bond and hurt Jim as he felt the illogical need to fix this. Were they still on the T’Vran? Had they perished on Vulcan? He forced himself to focus on his food.

“Anyway, OK, if you’re going to the Council thing this afternoon, I guess I can come too,” Jim gave Spock a small smile.

“I will await you on Deck Six,” Spock answered.

\--------------------------------------------------

The meeting of the Vulcan High Council was very interesting. Although Spock had been invited for every meeting that they held on the Enterprise – it was his right both as the acting Captain and also as one of the few surviving Vulcans aboard the ship – this was the first time he had been able to make the time to attend. Jim came dressed in traditional Vulcan robes in the colors of Selenn’s house and sat next to the elder, quietly tapping away on a PADD, every so often showing Selenn the screen and acknowledging Selenn’s discreet whispers. Instead of focusing on the meeting itself, Spock found himself splitting his focus, what was going on in the meeting as well as catching every movement that Jim made.

“It is illogical to listen to the advice of a juvenile off-worlder,” newly appointed elder Stavek said snidely after Jim showed his screen to Selenn and the elder Vulcan objected to the proposal at hand, one that had been made by Stavek.

Selenn raised an eyebrow. “What is the height of illogic is to dismiss the voice of the survivor of not one but two genocides, and to discount what he has learned of both experiences,” his tone was devoid of emotion but the rebuke was palpable. “Time is a path from the past to the future and back again. The present is the crossroads of both,” he quoted Surak.

“Despite his youth, James is also one of the main individuals responsible for stopping Nero,” Sarek voiced his support for Selenn. “Elder Selenn is correct. We should give his suggestions the proper consideration as he is also Selenn’s aide and is hardly an off-worlder, having been raised amongst Vulcans.”

Stavek glared at Jim. “He knows nothing of the Vulcan-that-was. He was raised primarily on the T’Vran and not on Vulcan.”

“Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations,” Selenn intoned. “Or have you forgotten the lessons that my son taught you when you were an instructor at his pod?”

Stavek’s look turned positively vicious.

“Enough,” T’Pau’s voice was like a gunshot. “We will consider James son of Selenn’s suggestions on its merit. He is in a unique position, having had to recover from one more genocide than we are facing right now. It would be illogical not to give him our attention simply because he is not genetically Vulcan.”

“Thank you, Elder T’Pau,” Selenn said serenely.

Spock watched as Jim raised his eyebrow and his lips pressed together in a straight line, but that was the only emotion that the usually expressive human showed. After the meeting was over, Jim walked out with Spock and after they were out of sight of the Vulcan elders, the younger man blew out a long breath and rubbed his face.

“Every single time,” he muttered. “Every. Single. Time.”

“Elder Stavek?” Spock asked.

“Yup. He’s hated me ever since my father nearly got him fired as an instructor,” Jim shrugged.

“Explain.”

“Well, I’ll bet you might know what I’m talking about. Vulcan children and their feelings about non-Vulcans? At school on Vulcan – the other kids were beating the crap out of me because I was human,” Jim made a face. “I wasn’t in any shape to fight back at the time. Stavek knew about it, and perhaps he even encouraged them, I don’t know. I am unclear on the specifics of his involvement.”

“They were actually physically harming you?” Spock contained his anger.

Jim nodded.

“They merely used words to incite my emotions,” Spock confessed. “And that was bad enough.”

“Yeah, well, Selenn pretty much went to battle. He crammed Surak and the IDIC down their throats, and then he even… well, he accused Stavek of deliberate cruelty.”

“Cruelty?” Spock’s eyes widened. Cruelty was a very serious accusation on Vulcan.

“Yes. Well, Selenn and the T’Vran rescued me when I was eleven and I was in very bad shape. It was a… trying time for me. I enjoyed living on the T’Vran for a while, but she had to be re-outfitted and we were stuck on Vulcan for a year. So Selenn enrolled me in the local pod in Shi’kahr. As his son and a citizen of Vulcan, they could not turn me away. But the children viewed me and T’… well, they viewed us with… prejudice. And they decided my scrawny ass needed to be taught a physical lesson, given that I am human and would not be able to fathom their ‘logical arguments’. So, yeah. They were good at waiting for me to be alone. After the second time I came home beat up to hell, _Samekh_ refused to heed my protests, and went to the Council claiming that Stavek encouraging young Vulcans to physically harm me after what I had gone through was deliberately cruel and completely against the teachings of Surak.”

Spock wanted to ask where it was Selenn had rescued Jim from, and who the ‘we’ was Jim spoke of, but never finished speaking the name, but he realized that Jim would not tell him these details, given the careful way he had worded it. However, Spock knew now that it had been a genocide. As Jim was now twenty five years of age, he did the math and concluded that Jim had to have been on Tarsus IV, the worse massacre in recent Federation history, at least until the destruction of Vulcan.

“Your father was correct,” Spock said grimly. “Stavek should have been removed as instructor and sent for re-education.” Especially if he had goaded young Vulcan children into further injuring a rescued starveling, a survivor of terrible atrocities, no matter the race.

“He almost was,” Jim shrugged. “Anyway, Stavek was just invited to join the Council since the Narada and we’d lost several members of the Council on Vulcan-that-was, and well, he’s carried his grudge with him. Hypocrite,” Jim shook his head. “Carrying around a grudge. That’s an emotion.”

Spock nodded.

“Anyway, that’s why I dislike the Council meetings now,” Jim said softly. “It never used to be so confrontational. It just seems to be that way every time now.”

“I will discuss this with Sarek to get his opinion on a way to stop this.”

“Eh, I’m just some dumb human, right?” Jim gave him a sad smile.

“You are neither _just_ a human, nor are you ‘dumb’, Jim,” Spock told him. “I have seen your aptitude tests as well as your records from the Vulcan Science Academy, and your service on the T’Vran.”

“Oh!” Jim looked surprised and pleased. “Well, thanks. Anyway, I better go or I’ll be late for the kids’ class. It’s my favorite part of the day.”

Jim flashed him the ta’al and ran off while Spock went back to the bridge to complete the rest of his shift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All Vulcan translations were sourced from the [Vulcan Language Dictionary](https://www.starbase-10.de/vld/).
> 
> Next chapter tomorrow!


	6. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

The rest of the long journey back to the point where they would rendezvous with the ‘Fleet was spent in much the same way. Spock was kept busy with his duties as Acting Captain. Captain Pike was to be kept in a medically induced coma as Doctor McCoy had done all he could for the time being. Pike needed specialized procedures and personnel from Starfleet Medical to help him the rest of the way. As it was, Doctor McCoy was cautiously optimistic that with more surgery and a lot of physical therapy, Pike would eventually regain the use of his legs. Spock was aware of the miracle that Doctor McCoy had performed in removing the Centaurian slug without killing Pike. That he would ever walk again was beyond what could have been hoped for. McCoy was a talented physician and not someone Spock would wish to lose as a member of the crew of the Enterprise, despite his lack of ‘bedside manner’.

Spock also spent time with his parents, having daily family melds with his mother and father, rebuilding his control. Losing Vulcan had been difficult for everyone. Some of the older Vulcans were confined to the Medical Bay, sedated. Doctor McCoy was working with the Vulcan elders to help ease the pain of broken bonds, but since every Vulcan on board was suffering from the same symptoms, progress towards healing was slow.

But Spock made time every afternoon to attend the Vulcan High Council meetings, meeting Jim’s eyes over the conference room table, becoming attuned to the human’s unvoiced emotions by the look in his blue eyes. Stavek continued to be a hindrance to progress in the council, ignoring logic and going with his emotions, opposing everything Elder Selenn and Jim proposed, seemingly for no other reason than they had been the ones with the proposal. Eventually, even Sarek was included in this group, since Sarek was more often than not vocal about his support of Jim. Spock found himself looking pointedly at Elder T’Pau for allowing this to continue to happen, staring back at her insolently, refusing to back down when she deigned to give him a stern glare.

In addition, he and Jim began sparring at a regular time every morning, before they started their days. Other Vulcans began joining them and the sparring sessions became more of a spectacle for off-duty Enterprise crew. Spock even overheard the crew organizing a betting pool, mostly focusing on the human Jim and how he would fare against different Vulcan opponents. He gave a moment’s thought to stopping the wagers, but after discussing this with his mother, he decided to let it slide. Amanda was wise and he heeded her words. In her opinion, the crew of the Enterprise was young and now that the crisis was over, they were probably worried of their reception on Earth. It was a harmless past time and it would increase the morale of the crew, especially since Jim was such a good fighter, even against Vulcans who should have been able to beat him easily with superior Vulcan strength and agility. Spock was also forced to hide his displeasure at the sight of Jim sparring with other individuals – other Vulcans – and seeing other hands on Jim. Jim was his own person and Spock had no claim on him. He would do well to remember that.

McCoy was the one who objected the most, openly and loudly, to the proceedings, claiming that Jim was bound to get himself hurt sparring with emotionally unstable young Vulcans, but Jim laughed it off and distracted McCoy with other things.

Spock knew that Jim continued to work in Engineering and wherever else he was needed, and he was still teaching the children’s _suus mahna_ class. His knack for dealing with these frightened and traumatized children made Spock wonder how Jim had been after surviving Tarsus IV when he’d only been eleven, and if these children were reminding him of what would obviously be painful memories of his past. But Spock saw nothing that hinted at any kind of mental anguish when Jim interacted with the children, only cool, calm, supportive and even fond reception of them, and their need for physical comfort in the way of hugs.

It was a shock for Spock to realize that the biggest change for him since Jim invited him to sit with him at lunch that first time, was that he had somehow become included in the social life of the Enterprise. All through his life, he had never been accepted. He had been an outcast as a child on Vulcan, and when he’d gone to Starfleet Academy on Earth, he had also never truly been accepted, viewed more as a curiosity for his hybrid status and his superior intellect. But ever since he became part of Jim’s circle, he never ate a meal alone. The Enterprise bridge crew began eating with him, and occasionally even some of the Vulcans who participated in their morning sparring rituals would sit and have a meal with him, regardless of whether Jim was at the table or not. Somehow, Jim had become a catalyst in connecting the Vulcans with the humans, being so inclusive that even someone like Spock, who was neither and both at the same time, was accepted.

Spock found himself content for the first time in his life. It was something he had not experienced in so long, it took him several days of meditation to identify the feeling. And since his mother was so conveniently on board and available to him for the first time in years, and having almost lost her on Vulcan, Spock found himself speaking to her about these feelings more and more.

He also found himself fascinated in watching the interactions between Selenn and Jim. Outside of the Vulcan High Council meetings, where Selenn’s behavior was impeccably Vulcan as was Jim’s, Selenn was openly affectionate and expressive when interacting with Jim. Even in public, and even in the presence of other Vulcans, it was not unusual to see Selenn smile at his son, sometimes even chuckling in amusement at whatever his son might say or do. Spock noticed that while Jim was physically affectionate with the non-Vulcans, he carefully kept his hands strictly to himself when interacting with the Vulcans on board, other than the little children who requested physical affection from him. But even so, outside of the Council meetings, Selenn and Jim were both openly physically affectionate towards each other. Selenn seemed to think nothing of putting his arm around Jim or touching his arm or his back or even ruffling his hair, even when they were in the presence of other Vulcans. Spock could see the distaste in some of the Vulcans’ eyes, but Selenn seemed not to care. He was more concerned with his son’s well being and happiness, continuing to provide for his human son what a human needed without forcing him to conform to Vulcan norms a majority of the time.

Spock couldn’t help but wonder about his own upbringing. Had his father’s insistence on raising him strictly Vulcan been a good thing or a bad thing? In the end, it hadn’t been enough to allow him to be accepted by any of his Vulcan peers, not even his former bondmate T-Pring, who had broken the bond when he spurned the Vulcan Science Academy. And conversely, his strict Vulcan upbringing had made him difficult for humans to relate to. Would he have been better off being raised as a hybrid, which was what he was? Someone both human and Vulcan? He would never know. But his father had insisted on raising him to be perhaps even more Vulcan than his peers to make up for his supposed disadvantage.

Not for the first time in his life, he wondered why being human was a disadvantage, and if his father felt this way so strongly, why had he chosen to marry a human wife and to have a half-human child with her?

These thoughts, Spock kept to himself. He was not prepared to ask his mother these questions, and most certainly not his father anything resembling this, uncertain that he truly wanted to know the answers to these questions.

But for the first time since his childhood, he ended up being the one to initiate more physical contact with his mother, realizing that she had been living on Vulcan and depriving herself of what a human needed for a long time. As her son, he should assume the responsibility of alleviating her need for another’s touch, in the way that Selenn had adopted human behavior to raise a human son. With this in mind, he did so, initiating more of the hand holding that his mother so enjoyed, and adding a kiss on her cheek as both a greeting and a farewell. His mother was astonished and pleased at his actions, but he saw how she eagerly accepted this change without question that he knew he was doing the right thing. And even if Sarek sometimes gave him a thoughtful look, he continued to do so as it made his mother happy. If these actions also added to Spock’s level of contentment, then it would only increase his level of productivity. It was all quite logical.

When they rendezvoused with the USS Asimov, it, as well as the USS Magellan engaged their tractor beams and together began towing the Enterprise back to Earth. They would be able to dock within the next day and Lieutenant Scott was ecstatic to be able to nurse ‘his lady’ back to health. Unfortunately for Spock, this also meant that he was stuck in briefings and debriefings via conference waves for the rest of the day.

There was an uncomfortable debriefing with James, Selenn and Sarek involved. Jim did not behave at all like himself. His deportment would be a credit to even T’Pau herself. He remained serious, crisply and succinctly reporting the facts of his involvement in the rescue of Captain Pike, saving Earth and the destruction of the Narada. He quietly allowed his father and Sarek to control the conversation. In all the paperwork he submitted, he identified himself as Commander James son of Selenn, never disclosing his connection to the fallen Starfleet hero, George Kirk. When the admirals tried to ask him who he had been before being adopted by Selenn, the older Vulcan would step in, firmly stating that all the paperwork to legally adopt James had been filed and that to dig into his son’s past was illogical as it was unconnected to what had happened with the Narada.

When the admirals asked Spock what he knew of Jim once he and the elder Vulcans had departed the conference, Spock reiterated that Jim was Selenn’s son, and had the blessing of the Vulcan High Council when he took command of the Enterprise, and that was what mattered. He could feel their dissatisfaction with that answer and made a note to speak to Selenn and Jim about that afterwards. He did not know what the issues were with Jim that caused him to be sent away to Tarsus IV and to not be claimed by his mother afterwards. As far as Spock knew, Winona Kirk was still an active member of Starfleet, alive and well, despite the mystery surrounding her missing Kelvin baby. He had no idea that she had misplaced the boy such that he seemed to harbor a grudge against Starfleet.

According to Doctor McCoy, Jim had become agitated after the debriefing with the Starfleet Admirals, so much so that he had immediately gone down to Engineering to help Lieutenant Scott, and had again suffered an injury. Unfortunately, because of the ongoing debriefings, Spock was unable to personally check on Jim and trusted that Selenn would be there for his son. He spoke to his mother briefly, asking her to look in on the human to ensure that he was adequate.

The following day, the Enterprise was towed to and docked at the shipyard in Riverside, Iowa, where the vessel had been built in the first place. The Vulcan survivors were quietly ferried by shuttle off the Enterprise and taken to San Francisco where Starfleet Headquarters were to be settled down in temporary housing. The majority of the crew of the Enterprise that were sent back to San Francisco were surprised to be greeted by throngs of people cheering their arrival. Soon all who remained on the Enterprise were the Vulcan High Council and the Enterprise bridge crew. Starfleet had arranged for separate shuttles for the High Council, leaving the Enterprise bridge crew to be the final ones to arrive. To make what humans called ‘an entrance’. Spock internally rolled his eyes but did not object to this arrangement.

He arrived at the shuttle bay in time to witness Jim arguing with a representative of Starfleet.

“I am not one of the Enterprise bridge crew,” Jim snapped, his brows creased together in an angry scowl. “I will stand with my father, Selenn, and with the Vulcan High Council. It is my right.”

“But James, you were pivotal in the defeat of the Narada. You were the acting captain of the USS Enterprise at the time! Without you, Earth and possibly more of the Federation would be lost!” the Starfleet toady whined.

“It still does not make me a member of the bridge crew or Starfleet!” Jim’s blue eyes glittered with anger.

Spock strode over to them, standing with his hands behind his back, but next to Jim, offering him a nod, backing him up by glaring at the Starfleet representative. Selenn stood by Jim’s elbow on the other side, supporting him in silence. Both Jim and Selenn were wearing severe Vulcan robes and while Spock was used to seeing his mother so dressed, it was disconcerting to see the attractive blonde dressed thusly. His robes were of the severe classic design favored by the Vulcan High Council, covering his entire body except for his hands, his neck and his head. The high collar of the Vulcan robe somehow emphasized the graceful column of his neck instead of hiding it, although the rest of his superb physique was obscured by the thick clothing. He carried himself with such gravitas that Spock could hardly tear his eyes away from him.

Elder T’Pau walked up to the arguing pair and the Starfleet personnel backed away with stammered apologies at her withering glare. T’Pau stood in front of Jim, looking into his eyes.

“I understand that you feel pain for being here,” she said, softly enough that only sharp Vulcan ears would be able to hear her were they even a few steps away from them.

Jim swallowed with difficulty and nodded.

“It is a difficult time for us all. You have suffered more than most,” if Spock didn’t know better, he would have thought T’Pau was openly expressing compassion for the young human.

Jim sucked in a breath and met T’Pau’s gaze with stoic Vulcan calm now.

“I will not tell you what to do, James son of Selenn,” she continued. “But if you stood with the bridge crew, you would be a beacon of hope for all surviving Vulcans. It would send the message that although we have lost our planet, we are not helpless. Nor did we just go to our fates without fighting back. You helped to defeat Nero. You stopped the scourge from inflicting itself on the rest of the Federation. Through you, Vulcan struck back. It is also a message that we can rebuild and come through this together, all of us. That Vulcan is more than just a planet or a place. We are a people, and that includes all of us who are citizens of Vulcan, no matter our genetic origins.” T’Pau’s dark eyes flicked over to Spock, giving him a minute nod, acknowledging him and his hybrid origins with that statement as well.

Jim bit his bottom lip and looked down, and Spock was shocked to see tears pool in his blue, blue eyes.

“I cannot ask this of you, young one,” T’Pau continued. “Should you choose to stand with your father, it would honor him, and us. It is an honor for all Vulcans everywhere for you to stand with us, with the Vulcan High Council. With me.” She lifted a hand and gently touched the back of it to Jim’s face, skin on skin.

Shocked, wide blue eyes looked up at T’Pau. Her fathomless dark gaze was calm and she nodded slightly before pulling her hand away.

Automatically Jim raised his hand, forming the ta’al, which T’Pau returned before she stepped back and resumed her position with the rest of the Vulcan High Council. Jim sighed, shoulders hunching.

“I will stand with the bridge crew,” he breathed out softly.

Selenn moved to stand in front of him. He put a finger under his chin and lifted it, waiting patiently until Jim raised his eyes and met his gaze. “You do not have to do this, my son,” he told him.

Jim nodded. “I know, _Samekh_.”

Spock felt his eyes almost bug out when Selenn pulled the human into an embrace, putting their foreheads together, one hand gently clasping the back of Jim’s neck. “My son,” he whispered. “ _Sa-fu_. You continue to fill me with pride.”

Jim nodded.

“Stand tall, my son,” Selenn told him. He stepped away after squeezing his son one more time, giving him a long look. Jim nodded at him, giving him a small smile, and Selenn returned it before taking his place with the Vulcan High Council.

Jim raised an eyebrow and made a face at Spock. For the life of him, Spock could not stop himself from giving Jim a small smile as well. Jim’s lips quirked up in return, which made Spock happier than he could believe. When the Starfleet representative came back to pester Jim, the human nodded bleakly at the man.

“Excellent!” the man was practically clapping his hands and skipping around in delight.

Spock glared at him until he hurriedly stepped back, before he nodded to Jim, and together they walked the few steps to join the Enterprise bridge crew. McCoy, Sulu and Chekov all clapped Jim on the back, while the blonde human nodded somberly at them. He watched intently as the Vulcan High Council was ushered onto a shuttle and Spock saw Selenn turn and meet his son’s gaze, and he smiled at him. Jim nodded at his father, keeping his face devoid of expression, before the Vulcan turned and entered the shuttle.

“It’s still incredibly strange to see a Vulcan emote like so,” Scott muttered, shaking his head in disbelief.

“He’s a good father,” McCoy muttered back.

“Aye, that he is,” Scott agreed.

Jim stood in between Spock and McCoy, his hands clasped together, folded in the long sleeves, his expression severe. Spock felt that Jim could easily be mistaken for a Vulcan, despite his rounded ears, golden hair, and those electric blue eyes. The Starfleet representative, while happy with Jim’s capitulation, started to look uncertain when Jim retreated into himself, standing tall and aloof, his demeanor perhaps even grimmer now. Hardly the image of the triumphant returning hero that Starfleet was trying to promote.

“I don’t suppose you would put on the uniform we brought?” the man held up a hanger with some kind of Starfleet-like outfit on it, but Jim’s withering glare made him shrink back. “Right. Of course. The Vulcan robes become you, sir.”

McCoy rolled his eyes. “Just get out of here and take the win, man,” he told the guy. The man nodded and disappeared. “Let’s just get this over with.”

McCoy put an arm around Jim’s shoulders, giving him a brief one-armed hug before they all started towards their designated shuttle. Spock hung back, walking with Jim. He wished that he could say something meaningful to the man, but he had no words for this occasion. Instead, he walked with Jim, understanding why the human was reluctant to board the shuttle, trying to project calmness and serenity in an odd and illogical hope that this would help the human.

They sat together on the shuttle, surrounded by the boisterous crew. Mister Scott was passing around a flask of something illicit, and Uhura kept handing McCoy vomit bags and giggling at his reactions. Spock recalled the fact that McCoy was an aviophobic doctor in Starfleet. When they landed, the crew stood and straightened their uniforms, looking around at each other. Jim had his hands folded into his sleeves again, looking for the world like a round-eared blue eyed Vulcan. Spock wondered how it was that a human raised by a Vulcan, and a half-human half-Vulcan hybrid would end up standing together as supposed heroes of the Federation.

The shuttle door opened, and Sulu, Uhura, McCoy, Chekov and Scott stood, waiting for Spock to exit first. Spock gave Jim a look, and together they started down the shuttle ramp, the rest of the crew following behind them and flanking them protectively when they set foot on the ground. There was a huge crowd awaiting them, and Spock had to shield his eyes with his secondary eyelids as reporters were taking what seemed to be an incredible number of holos using their flashes. Jim stood tall, hands hidden in his long sleeves, taking in the situation expressionlessly. Spock watched as the rest of the humans, with the exception of the grumpy Doctor McCoy, smiled and waved. They stood there for a good few minutes, going deaf with the uproarious cheers, waiting for a cue as to where they should go next, since the sea of reporters blocked their way.

Finally, they were herded towards an arena where even more people awaited them. The Vulcan High Council stood to one side of the stage area, and the bridge crew walked up the stage to even more cheers. Someone introduced them one by one, going in order of rank from junior to senior, and somehow putting Jim last. Spock nodded, acknowledging the cheering crowd after he was introduced.

“And Commander James son of Selenn, of the Vulcan Fleet,” the master of ceremony made the final announcement.

Jim nodded to the screaming crowd, looking far more Vulcan than any human had a right to do. Apparently the sight of a human dressed as a Vulcan was something the crowd loved as they went absolutely wild for him. Jim just looked out into the crowd, his eyes shuttered and his mouth pursed grimly.

Then there was an interminable number of speeches. Admiral after Admiral spoke up in support of Vulcan and lauding the actions of the Enterprise. T’Pau was called upon to speak. Luckily, Spock was not invited to speak. Neither were any of the bridge crew. Finally they were allowed to leave.

Amanda caught Spock’s arm as they were walking offstage, and Spock kissed her cheek when they were out of the limelight.

“I presume you will be busy being debriefed for days?” she asked him.

“I expect so, Mother.”

“Come home when you can. We will be at the townhouse.”

Spock nodded.

“Your father said that they have rearranged the Starfleet dorms such that many of our people rescued by the Enterprise will be able to stay there together, until such time as a longer term solution is worked out.”

“That is wise,” Spock agreed. Practically the entire senior class of Starfleet Academy cadets had perished in Vulcan’s orbit, so there would be space in the dorms.

“I suggest you give up your quarters and come stay at the townhouse with us,” Amanda said, sounding hopeful.

“Very well,” Spock agreed. After almost losing her so dramatically, he would accede to her request to remain close.

“Thank you, Spock.”

After an entire week of debriefings, Spock finally returned home to his parents’ townhouse in San Francisco before dinner. His mother had taken charge of clearing his quarters of any personal effects, such that other Vulcans could be housed there, and his things were now in his room in the townhouse. He’d slept a few hours here and there in his room, but his hours had been irregular and he’d been consumed by the debriefings. He had been thankful that Jim had been spared most of it. He knew that Jim had been in at least a full day of debriefings after they had just arrived, and given what he had gleaned of the younger man, he realized that being cloistered at Starfleet would have been traumatizing in its own right. He hoped that Jim would have recovered by this time.

Spock walked into his parents’ townhouse and closed the front door behind him, barely stifling the sigh of relief. He’d been given the next week off. Afterwards, he and the crew would begin rebuilding the Enterprise and planning for the future.

“Spock?” he heard his mother call out.

“It is I, Mother,” he called back.

“In the kitchen, honey!”

Spock suppressed a smile. His mother must be alone to address him by that endearment. It had been one that he had loved as a child, and it had broken his heart to ask her to not call him that again, around the time when he had asked her not to embrace him anymore, in a bid to be more Vulcan. Amanda had somehow understood how torn he had been, and what she had done as a compromise was to only call him ‘honey’ when they were alone or when he was in need of comfort. He walked into the kitchen, prepared to share a cup of tea with just his mother, but he was surprised to find Jim and Elder Selenn sitting at the table with his mother.

“Come and sit. There is tea,” Amanda said.

Spock nodded and acquiesced, sitting in the chair Amanda indicated after kissing her cheek in greeting. He nodded to Elder Selenn and returned Jim’s big smile with a small quirk of his lips.

“Are you done for the day, Spock?” his mother asked him, gently setting a teacup down in front of him.

“Yes, Mother,” Spock replied. “In fact, the Admiralty has granted all of us a week of leave.”

“Yay!” Amanda cheered. Being on Earth seemed to have brought a return of more Terran behaviors and expressions. Spock gave her an indulgent look, just so happy to have her here with him. The fact that she could have easily died in that fall, or even just on Vulcan in general, had she not been with Sarek at the katric ark, was still a dagger to his heart. He no longer cared whether or not she behaved in a manner befitting a Vulcan, as long as she was alive and happy. “I’m glad, honey. You need to rest.”

Spock nodded his agreement. He turned to Selenn and Jim. “And how fares the Vulcan High Council?”

Jim snickered and if Spock was not mistaken, Selenn kicked at him under the table.

“My son is celebrating the fact that Stavek has been asked to leave the Council,” Selenn announced, his tone serene.

Jim snickered even more.

“I see,” Spock raised his eyebrow, watching as the young human laughed with joy. “Fascinating,” he turned to his mother.

Amanda was grinning. “It seems that our young friend is pleased at this… development,” she said.

“Yes,” Jim giggled. “Yes, I am. And I didn’t even have anything to do with it!”

Selenn reached out and petted his son’s bright hair.

“Was there a specific event that caused this outcome?” Spock wanted to know.

“Your father told me that Stavek objected when T’Pau suggested sending the T’Vran and some of our best and brightest to search for a planet to be colonized. To become New Vulcan,” Amanda said, keeping her face straight.

“The T’Vran is the best scientific vessel of the Vulcan fleet, even before the events of last month,” Spock remarked, confused. “Why would he object?”

“Exactly!” Jim gave Spock a mischievous grin. “He told T’Pau that they were choosing the T’Vran for this mission because I had been its first officer, and my father its Captain.”

“What does that have anything to do with the task of locating a planet for the survivors of Vulcan?” Spock was still confused. The T’Vran would clearly be the most qualified vessel for such an endeavor, not just of the surviving Vulcan fleet, but of the entire Vulcan fleet when it was whole.

“Your reaction is exactly Elder T’Pau’s,” Selenn said smoothly.

“Stavek continued to object for absolutely no reason other than he hates me,” Jim was still grinning happily.

“Most illogical,” Spock remarked.

“ _Exactly_ what Elder T’Pau said!” Jim crowed, snickering again.

“And thus, Elder Stavek is no longer an elder of the High Council,” Selenn said serenely.

“Cheers!” Amanda raised her teacup.

Selenn and Jim looked at each other for a split second before they, too raised their cups, delicately clinking it with Amanda’s. Belatedly, Spock followed.

“I’ve never done that before,” Jim made a face. “I thought it was only in holofilms that humans do that?”

“No, we do that to celebrate things. Even in real life,” Amanda told him, her smile fond. “It is still odd to me that you refer to humans as if you were not one of us.”

“I have tried very hard not to be one of you for many years,” Jim shrugged.

“How are you finding your stay on Earth?” Spock asked Jim and Selenn.

“It is adequate,” Selenn nodded.

“The Lady Amanda invited us to stay here with you and it’s been quite lovely,” Jim gave Amanda a smile.

“You are staying here?” Spock raised an eyebrow.

“You’ve been away so much this past week,” Amanda sighed. “Yes, they were trying to place all the Elders in nicer lodgings instead of Starfleet dorms, and we have all this room in our house, so I offered for Elder Selenn and Jim to stay with us. After all, I have yet to repay this young man for saving my life.”

“Of course,” Spock agreed. “That is logical.”

Amanda nodded and smiled happily at her son. Spock had rarely ever seen his mother so openly happy and he wished that he could have been a different son, one who could smile and laugh with his mother, if only to make her happy.

“Have you seen much of Earth?” Spock asked the father and son duo.

Selenn nodded. “I have had the opportunity to spend some time on this planet, long before either of you or even the Lady Amanda were born,” he said gravely.

“I only remember my childhood in Iowa. Just where I grew up, I guess,” Jim shrugged. “This is the first time that I can remember being in San Francisco.”

Spock vaguely recalled holos of a toddler James Tiberius Kirk with his mother and his elder brother at memorials for the fallen George Kirk. He nodded. It was logical that Jim would have no memory of these visits as he had been so young.

“Spock, now that you have the week off, you should absolutely take Jim around to see the sights!” Amanda glanced at her companions, her eyes bright.

“I don’t know…” Jim started to shake his head.

“You intend to ship out with the T’Vran, is this correct?” she continued.

Jim nodded. “It is time I returned to my duties aboard my vessel. I have been away too long.”

“Are you recovered enough?” she asked, concerned.

“We have suffered so much loss now. I am no longer alone in this affliction,” Jim gave Amanda a sad smile. “I have had more time to recover than others. It is logical that I return to the T’Vran in our hour of need.”

“You will assist in the search for a suitable planet for our people?” Spock asked him, surprised at how disappointed he was that Jim would be leaving aboard the Vulcan vessel.

Jim nodded. “The T’Vran has always been my home anyway,” he admitted. “More so than any other place. It will be good to return and renew my bonds.”

“When does the T’Vran arrive?” Amanda asked.

“In two days.”

“And when will the T’Vran leave?”

“Two, perhaps three days after its arrival,” Jim pursed his lips. “We will need to resupply, but more importantly, we are trying to locate and reconnect the crew’s family and friends. The crew of the T’Vran will need a few days to renew their bonds, and work with the Elders to begin mending broken ones. But our mission is vital and we cannot delay too long.”

Spock nodded. It was all very logical. However, what was not logical was his sadness that Jim was leaving soon.

“Well then, that still gives you plenty of time for Spock to show you the city,” Amanda nodded. “San Francisco is beautiful.”

Jim looked skeptical.

“It is good to learn where you come from in order to determine the proper path to move forward,” Selenn said gently.

Jim sighed. “Very well,” he conceded. “If it’s no trouble to Captain Spock. I do not wish to encroach on his time away from his duties.”

“Of course it’s no trouble!” Amanda gave Spock what seemed to be a significant look, but the significance of it escaped the half-Vulcan. “Right, Spock?”

Oh. Now he understood the meaning of her look. His mother wished for him to keep Jim company while on Earth and not to object to her suggestion.

“It would be my pleasure,” he used the Earth saying, even though Vulcans would derive no pleasure from the company of a person. But he would be lying if he were to say that he would derive no pleasure from being in Jim’s company. “Elder Selenn, are you leaving on the T’Vran as well? May I extend the invitation to you as well?”

“No,” Selenn said gravely. “I will be much too busy working with the Vulcan High Council to undertake this journey of discovery myself. I will leave that to my replacement on the T’Vran, and to Jim. As to your invitation, I must decline. I have seen much of San Francisco before and have duties to attend to during this time. I think you and Jim should do this without me.”

“How long, do you think, that the search for New Vulcan will take?” Amanda asked.

“Perhaps four to six weeks?” Jim answered. “We cannot impose our numbers on Earth, or other allied planets for much longer. We must rebuild.”

“Our little ones need a new home,” Selenn agreed. “It is our highest priority.”

Amanda nodded. “Then, the matter is settled,” she declared. And that, as they say, was that. Spock was to be Jim’s ‘tourist guide’ while he was on leave, before Jim shipped out on the T’Vran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll have more tomorrow! Hope you're enjoying this :)


	7. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

Spock found himself enjoying the time spent with Jim. They walked around together, both of them dressed in Vulcan street clothing. Spock had solicited suggestions from Cadet Uhura and Lieutenant Sulu as well as done his own research as to what sights they would take in. Sometimes one or more of the bridge crew would join them in their sight-seeing, but for the most part, it was Spock and Jim spending time together. They went to museums, beaches, historical sites, and walked around, choosing restaurants and cafés at random. Amanda arranged for tickets to the opera for all of them one evening, so Spock, Jim, along with Selenn and Spock’s parents attended the opera. Jim came out of it sniffling softly, and Spock surreptitiously offered his handkerchief to the younger human. He subtly wiped his eyes and blew his nose and Spock gestured for him to keep the cloth. Jim gave him a small smile. Afterwards, they went out to one of Sarek’s favorite restaurants, all of them quite visible, both Vulcans and humans alike dressed in Vulcan robes for the opera.

The next morning, Cadet Uhura commed Spock to inform him that their attendance at the opera had appeared in the newsfeed.

Spock, Amanda and Jim sat in the living room and watched footage of them at the opera and at the restaurant from the previous night, the newscaster speaking about the night out that the Heroes of the Federation had had with their parents.

“I do not know how to feel about this,” Jim looked perplexed. “We attended the opera and went out for a meal. How is that the news?”

Amanda shook her head and made a face. “I don’t know either, sweetheart.”

“Humans are very strange,” Jim noted.

“I concur,” Spock agreed.

Amanda gave them both fond looks, but did not comment.

Uhura, Sulu and Chekov also arranged a night out to go dancing. When the entire bridge crew approached Spock and Jim with this, Spock shook his head.

“I do not… dance,” he gave Uhura a baleful look.

“I don’t either,” Scott told them. “But there’ll be booze and loud music.”

“It’ll be fun!” Uhura agreed. “Even McCoy is coming.”

Doctor McCoy had spent most of his time off in Georgia. Apparently the doctor had a young daughter that he visited as much as he could. She lived with his parents and with his ex-wife.

“Come on! Jim, you have to come out and be young and stupid with us!” Sulu exclaimed. “You can meet my boyfriend, Ben.”

Jim made a face. “I am not a fan of crowded dance floors,” he shook his head.

“Oh pish posh!” Scott snorted. “As if you even know what you would or would not like! Have you even been on a crowded dance floor? You’ve been sheltered and hidden away, our little virginal Jim. You’ve only known Vulcan and the T’Vran.”

“I _have_ been to Risa, you know,” Jim made a face. “It was too loud.”

Uhura and Chekov laughed at that. “Then you’ll definitely love where we’re going tonight!”

And as much as Spock tried to decline, they would not take no for an answer, and Amanda pushed both he and Jim to go out as well. Uhura and Amanda looked through Spock’s and Jim’s clothes and decided none of it was fit for going out dancing, so Uhura replicated what she deemed ‘stylish’ black pants and shirt for Spock. One of his jackets was considered good enough so they did not need to replicate more clothes for him. As for Jim, Amanda had apparently secretly gone shopping for the young human. She pulled out the clothes she’d purchased and presented it to him, doing so in such a way that it was impossible for Jim to decline.

So, Jim ended up wearing well-worn, faded blue denim jeans that were fashionably ripped in places, which both Amanda and Uhura declared was very ‘in’, whatever that meant, paired with a blue button down Andorian silk shirt which made Jim’s cerulean eyes almost luminous in his face, and a brown faux leather jacket. Jim looked disgruntled when he came out of his room and was forced to twirl in place to show the group his clothes. Spock could not help but notice that the jeans were snug enough to showcase Jim’s excellent rear end.

Mister Scott went up to him and unbuttoned the top three buttons of his shirt and fluffed his collar out some, muttering more things about cloistered, virginal humans.

“I never said I was a virgin,” Jim said, exasperatedly trying to push the Scotsman away.

“Are you not?” Chekov gaped at him. “Because I am! Although perhaps after tonight I will not be. Perhaps that should be my goal?”

The group laughed at the young Russian.

They left soon after, never returning to the issue of the extent of Jim’s sexual experience, although Spock found himself wondering where a human raised on the T’Vran and Vulcan would have been able to find a suitable sexual partner. While Spock himself was not completely inexperienced any longer, he had been in possession of his innocence when he first came to Earth to attend Starfleet Academy.

The group ended up dancing in a succession of several different clubs, each of them loud and crowded. Spock found himself watching as Jim undulated his body to the beat, letting go of his learned Vulcan inhibitions with the help of the alcohol the Enterprise crewmates plied him with. Unfortunately, Spock wasn’t the only one with eyes on Jim. He was approached by women and men, humans and non-humans alike, and his blue eyes crinkled as he smiled and danced with them. He seemed to not have any inhibitions or preferences with regards to gender or species, which gave Spock both hope as well as despair. Hope because Spock would fit into Jim’s lack of preference, but despair because his competition was apparently the entire Federation. But he could not take his eyes off the human as he danced.

At one point, Spock needed to step outside. He needed the silence, to take a break from the brightness that was Jim learning dance moves that became more and more lewd and suggestive. Also, he needed to not be touched by so many beings. It was a problem for touch telepaths, these crowded dance floors, where it was not possible to do anything without touching someone else. The lust and joy and desperation of the crowd was overwhelming at times. Outside, Spock found himself thinking about Jim – the way he danced, the way he laughed, the way he spoke. The way he cried at the opera. The way he assumed Vulcan stoicism when uncomfortable. The human way his Vulcan father had raised him. His eyes. His lips. His voice. Everything about the human was mesmerizing. And all Spock could think of, all of it was wrapped in the knowledge that Jim was leaving Earth soon.

“Spock,” Jim’s quiet voice surprised him, pulling him from his thoughts.

He turned to the younger human. “Jim.”

Jim sighed. “I may be somewhat intoxicated,” he said solemnly.

Spock noted his dilated pupils and rather unsteady gait and reached out to grab his jacket to help steady him. “I concur.”

“This planet is strange,” Jim muttered. “I do not like it here.”

Spock suppressed a sigh. “Yes. I am ambivalent about it myself.”

“I miss home.”

“Vulcan-that-was?” Spock was surprised.

Jim shook his head. “The T’Vran. When _Samekh_ rescued me, I lived on the T’vran for two years before we had to be in Shi’Kahr for a year. And then I lived on the T’Vran until I went to the Vulcan Science Academy. And then I went back to serve on the T’Vran. The T’Vran has been my home, and the place I was happiest at.”

Spock nodded. Scott was accurate in his assessment that Jim was indeed sheltered.

“You must be looking forward to returning to duty,” Spock remarked.

Jim shrugged. His movements seemed much more human now that he was inebriated. “I do, but it won’t be the same.”

“Because Selenn remains with the Vulcan High Council?”

The blond shook his head. “No. Because T’Lara will still not be aboard, and will still be dead.”

Spock gave him a shocked look. “T’Lara?” he prodded carefully.

“My bondmate,” Jim was infinitely sad.

“You were bonded?” Spock could not hide his shock.

“Not fully,” Jim sighed. “I know you must have deduced that I am a survivor of Tarsus IV.”

Spock nodded.

“T’Lara was there, on Tarsus, with her parents. She and I were the best of friends… we were the smartest of the children at our school. Perhaps even of all the children on Tarsus IV.”

Spock could believe that. He had seen Jim’s aptitude test scores. Jim and this T’Lara might have been the brightest children in the entire Federation, if she were at his level.

“We survived together after her parents and the people I was living with were executed,” Jim continued. “It was difficult. There were so many to care for. We lost some of our children. But eventually we made it. The T’Vran came for us after we devised a plan to sneak into Kodos’s palace, and sent out distress signals. I sent my messages to my mother and Starfleet, T’Lara sent hers to her uncle. Selenn is T’Lara’s uncle. The T’Vran responded immediately. Starfleet did not.”

Spock could only stare at Jim.

“My mother ignored my message,” Jim said softly.

“Perhaps she misunderstood?”

Jim shook his head. “Difficult to misunderstand ‘Genocide on Tarsus IV. We are starving and dying. Please send help’,” he murmured. “Same message T’Lara sent to her uncle. The T’Vran came and rescued us, and Selenn brought the rest of Starfleet afterwards.”

Spock put a hand on Jim’s bicep as he seemed to be struggling with his memories.

Jim paused before he nodded. “But T’Lara and I, we made it. As her only living relative, Selenn took her in and in doing so, he took me in as well. And given our experiences on Tarsus, the Vulcan fleet command relaxed their ruling and allowed Selenn to keep us with him on the T’Vran, despite our youth. T’Lara and I, we were inseparable. She was everything to me,” he said softly.

“She is who you went to Risa with.”

“Her idea. Not mine. She loved it there.”

“What happened to her?”

“She was the Science Officer of the T’Vran while I was its First Officer,” Jim continued, his voice soft. “We were cataloguing a newly discovered planetoid near the Neutral Zone. She was on the surface of the planetoid but there was some kind of infection. She died instantaneously, along with two other crew members. The details are… blurry to me. I felt her die. I am unaware of much else after that.”

“You were bonded to her?”

“Not fully, no,” Jim sighed. “ _Samekh_ told us we had to wait until our twenty fifth year before he would give us his blessing to be fully bonded. There was no real rush, given that I am not Vulcan and I will not experience my Time. But we were mostly bonded and had been since Tarsus. We’d grown up together and been everything to each other for much too long.” Jim was silent for a moment. “We would have completed the bonding ceremony this year.”

Spock did not know what to say, so he put a hand awkwardly on Jim’s shoulder. The human nodded, acknowledging him.

“This is why you returned to Vulcan.”

Jim nodded. “It was too painful. The broken bond. I needed help to heal. It has taken over a year for me to even speak of her to anyone.”

Spock nodded. “I grieve with thee.”

Jim gave him a small smile.

They stood in silence for a while.

“Was your bonded on Vulcan-that-was?” Jim asked.

Spock did sigh then. Ah. T’Pring. “I believe so, but she was no longer my bondmate. She asked for a formal break to our pre-bond when I chose to attend Starfleet Academy.”

Jim shook his head and rolled his eyes, understanding what Spock wasn’t saying out loud. That T’Pring had been relieved to have an excuse to break the bond with a hybrid. And that Spock did not make arrangements to bond with anyone else for that same reason.

“ _Vulcans_ ,” he said, making it sound like an epithet.

Spock couldn’t help the grin that quirked his lips and Jim grinned back companionably.

“If you wish it, there is always a place for you on the Enterprise,” Spock said hesitantly. “I was informed that I have officially been promoted and will be her captain. Pike has suffered too much damage to return to the chair for several years. The position of First Officer is open and has not been filled.”

Jim gave him a smile. “ _Nemaiyo_. I am grateful for your kind offer.”

“It would be an honor to serve with you.”

“But I do not wish to serve within Starfleet.”

“Starfleet has not been kind to you.”

Jim gave him a bitter smile and nodded.

“It is understandable. But know that you will always have a place with us on the Enterprise,” Spock didn’t quite know where the words were coming from but he was glad he was saying them.

Jim nodded again.

Their friends pulled them back into the club soon after and Spock even danced with Jim a few times. A dangerous and seductive thing to do. But by the end of their night out, Jim was mostly passed out from the overconsumption of alcohol. Spock basically hauled Jim with him, stopping short of just carrying the man although he was tempted to put him over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry for ease of transport. When he arrived back at the townhouse, he and Selenn put the unconscious young human to bed together. Selenn had stayed up to ensure their safe return.

“How do you do it?” Spock asked the elder when they went to the kitchen to share a cup of tea.

“To what do you refer?”

“How came you to be so human for Jim?”

Selenn gave him a long look. “You know of his history?”

“I know about Tarsus IV, yes.”

“When we found him, he and my niece T’Lara were dying of hunger and malnutrition. They had been starving for months. They ate tree bark and dirt and worse, in order to live. I have seen the things that they had to do in order to survive, during some of our melds. Jim has never spoken about it out loud to me. When we found them, I could not believe they were even alive, they were in such poor condition.”

Spock nodded. He had taken the Starfleet class on Tarsus IV. He remembered the pictures of the skeletal survivors. Those images were not something that anyone should ever forget. He couldn’t even fathom the thought that there were pictures of a young Jim somewhere that looked like that.

“Jim was almost feral at the time. He only calmed if he was with T’Lara. When I took him back to Earth to look for his mother, he… he attempted suicide.”

Spock gaped at the older Vulcan.

“Months of single minded willpower of surviving and taking care of other young ones on Tarsus IV, and the idea of returning to his mother here on Earth made him wish to die,” Selenn shook his head. “I could not let that happen to such a one as he. He kept T’Lara alive. He kept nine other children alive during those dark times. His will to live was so strong he dragged them all with him out of that situation. I could not let him die by returning him to a place that made him lose that drive. So I adopted him. I worked with Terran psychologists to understand the needs of a human child, especially one who had gone through such difficulties in his young life, and I learned to be human enough to be his father. I make no apologies for it.”

Spock nodded. “It is admirable,” he said softly. After a moment he ventured to ask a question. “What of his mother?”

“She willingly relinquished her parental rights over him. All she wanted was for it to be done as quietly as possible.”

Again, Spock gaped at the older Vulcan.

Selenn shrugged, the human gesture odd yet somehow fitting. “Humans are illogical.”

Spock nodded vehemently.

In the morning, there were pictures of the bridge crew and Jim out partying on the newsfeed. Spock’s mother was amused by it all. When Jim shuffled down to breakfast in his sleep clothes, eyes bleary and bloodshot, his blond hair sticking up in weird places and tamped down in others, and generally looking unwell – Amanda described him as ‘death warmed over’ – he sniffed in disgust at the newsfeed and collapsed at the breakfast table. Amanda fussed over him, and Spock handed him a hypo from McCoy. It was a special Jim-allergy proof concoction to alleviate his ‘hangover’. Amanda took the hypo and gently administered it and within moments Jim perked up enough to eat a little toast and drink some water.

It was lucky that they had decided to take it easy and stay in that morning instead of resuming their sightseeing itinerary because Selenn commed them and told Jim to stay at home, as there had been a leak. All of Earth was naturally quite curious about James son of Selenn, the human who had been raised by a Vulcan. The human who stood with the bridge crew in his formal Vulcan robes, more Vulcan than human despite his rounded ears and human genes. Unfortunately, someone had dug up Jim’s past and he was plastered in the news as the missing Kelvin baby. As George Kirk’s long lost son.

Spock and Amanda spent the rest of the morning watching the news with horror as the newsfeed dug up old pictures of George Kirk, his wife, his oldest son George Samuel, and the little orphaned infant James. The entire bridge crew commed Spock, all of them assuring Spock that none of them nor any of the Enterprise crew would have disclosed any of this information to the press, not that Spock had at all suspected them. Spock answered several comms from the admiralty, deflecting and refusing to cooperate as they sought more information on his parents’ house guest.

Jim sat on the sofa, silent and deep in thought. He only ever took calls from Selenn, and his responses were monosyllabic Vulcan words. When Amanda tried to speak to him, his eyes glazed over. He seemed to be retreating into himself.

Spock had turned the sound off the newsfeed, so that Jim would not have to hear his Terran name be bandied about. James Tiberius Kirk, son of the hero George Samuel Kirk, Heroes of the Federation, both father and son. They abandoned the name he went by now. No more was he James son of Selenn in the newsfeeds. Jim seemed to be completely ignoring everything right now, including his communicator.

When Spock’s comm rang, it was Selenn, asking to speak to Jim. He handed it to Jim, walking into the kitchen with Amanda to give him privacy, although he could pick out a word or two in softly spoken Vulcan. Finally Jim came into the kitchen, giving Spock back his comm.

“I will be beaming to the T’Vran within the hour,” Jim told them. His original plan had been to stay with father at Sarek’s townhouse until it was time for him to ship out, but these new developments made it prudent for him to leave San Francisco proper and stay aboard his vessel until its departure from Earth, where he would be safely out of reach of these reporters. Spock found himself feeling profoundly disappointed that his time with Jim would be cut short, even though two days or so should not make this much of a difference.

Amanda nodded, her brown eyes filled with understanding.

“Are you all right, Jim?” she asked carefully.

“I am adequate.”

Spock didn’t know how Amanda felt about that reply, but for himself, he decided that a return to Vulcan expressions was probably a good gauge of how off-balance Jim must be feeling.

“We will miss you,” Amanda told him.

Jim gave her a small smile. “As will I.”

“Will you permit us to wish you farewell before the T’Vran departs?” she asked.

“Of course, Lady Amanda. If you so wish.”

“I most certainly do.”

“The bridge crew will also wish to say their goodbyes,” Spock managed to say.

Jim gave him a surprised look and smiled. “That will also be acceptable,” he agreed.

Jim packed and was beamed away from the townhouse within the hour. Spock found the house so much quieter afterwards that he and Amanda stayed in the same room together for company for the rest of the day. Now that Jim was gone, Amanda turned the volume back on the newsfeeds, yelling angrily at it from time to time. Spock wished that he could be human enough to do the same, as it looked like it was providing an outlet for Amanda to release her frustrations, as illogical as it was speaking angrily to an inanimate object. But he was much too Vulcan to indulge.

Two days later, Spock, Amanda and Selenn were at the shuttle bay to bid Jim and the T’Vran farewell. Jim was clad in the dark Vulcan fleet uniform, his rank reflected on his sleeve, looking professional and serious as he ran around doing last minute work to prepare the T’Vran for their mission.

A few other Vulcans were also there to make their own goodbyes to other members of the T’Vran crew. The number of people who had come to bid Jim farewell was quite large, compared to the other crew members. The Enterprise bridge crew had all turned out, in their official cadet reds and Starfleet uniforms, to honor their friend and former crewmate. There were also a large number of young Vulcan children who had come to bid their _suus mahna_ teacher farewell. Spock watched as Jim hugged each child who wanted to be hugged and spoke softly to them all and he marveled at how easily Jim adapted his behavior to the needs of each child. And then the adult accompanying them took them away.

Jim stood and sighed, waving to the children as they walked away. But the bridge crew descended upon him then and pulled him into long hugs.

Spock saw his elder counterpart, whose part in the battle for Vulcan had been kept highly classified, moving around, supervising things as well. The elderly Vulcan stopped for a moment, nodding politely to Spock before he took Amanda’s hands, his fingers trembling.

“Hello Spock,” Amanda said, gifting him with her loving smile.

“Mother,” elder Spock greeted her. “It is _good_ to see you again.”

Amanda opened her arms and Spock watched, shocked, as the elderly Vulcan stepped into his mother’s embrace, hugging her back tightly.

“I am always proud of you as well,” Amanda whispered to him when he stepped away.

“Thank you, Mother,” the elderly Vulcan gave his mother a smile.

“Live long and prosper,” Amanda offered him the ta’al.

“Peace and long life,” he replied. Then he wiped the smile off his face, nodded to Spock and Selenn again, before he disappeared into the T’Vran.

Meanwhile, Jim was still being mobbed by the crew. Spock found himself being pulled into the thick of it by Doctor McCoy.

“We heard that someone did a DNA test to determine your Earth identity,” Chekov was saying when Spock entered the group.

“They were persistent,” Jim nodded.

“We, the crew of the Enterprise, can be persistent too. We’re in the process of finding out who did this,” Sulu said grimly. “And when we find them, they’ll regret it. We’ll make them pay.”

Jim gave Sulu a grin. “Will you introduce them to your epee?”

“If they’re lucky,” Sulu growled. “I was thinking we set McCoy on them with some kind of disease loaded in his hypo.”

“You know what he’s like with those things!” Uhura laughed.

“First do no harm,” McCoy growled. “Although I might make an exception for the stinkin’ asshole who’d do this to you.”

Jim smiled at them all now. “ _Kaiidth_ ,” he said serenely. What is, is.

“Ugh, don’t get all green blooded hobglobin zen on me, Jim!” McCoy rolled his eyes.

Jim hugged him and the crew goodbye. Elder T’Pau and Sarek arrived, making everyone step away from Jim. Spock watched as T’Pau spoke softly to the blond human, and he nodded solemnly every so often. Finally, T’Pau placed the back of her hand to his cheek for a moment before they exchanged ta’als and T’Pau walked away accompanied by Sarek.

Spock stepped up to have a moment of semi-privacy. “My offer still stands. I will keep the First Officer position open for you, for as long as I can.”

Jim’s eyes crinkled as he smiled and nodded. “You are a good friend, Spock.”

“I would like it if you would correspond with me while you are away?” Spock asked hesitantly, carefully choosing the human expression because it truly expressed what he meant. There was no logical reason to begin a correspondence, there was no functional reason for it. Spock would just like to ‘keep in touch’ with the human.

Jim’s smile widened. “I would like that, as well,” he replied. They exchanged ta’als and murmured the ritual words of farewell before Amanda stepped up and hugged Jim. She kissed his cheek, whispered in his ear, and Jim nodded, blushing a little at her openly maternal behavior towards him. Selenn embraced Jim, pressing their foreheads together and they stood there, eyes closed, for long moments.

Spock found himself feeling envious that Jim had a father who did not care that he was not Vulcan, and raised him with human expectations instead of Vulcan ones. And he could not help but think that because Jim had been given the freedom to be human, he had also been given the freedom and the capability to be perhaps even more Vulcan than Spock. It was a disturbing thought.

Finally it was time for Jim to go. Spock stood with the group of people seeing him off, the humans waving while Jim gave them a big smile and flashed the ta’al before he disappeared up the ramp and into the T’Vran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All Vulcan translations were sourced from the [Vulcan Language Dictionary](https://www.starbase-10.de/vld/).
> 
> Another chapter tomorrow!


	8. Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven**

It had been a long six weeks. Jim performed his duties on the T’Vran, happy to be back on the familiar ship, his home for more than half of his life. Their mission had gone well, especially with the help of the elder Spock. Every few evenings, Jim found himself playing chess with the elderly Vulcan and getting to know him. This Spock was much more human than any other Vulcan he had ever met, perhaps even more so than Selenn had adapted to be in order to be a father him. It was a curiosity that he could not resist, that this Spock had had a lifetime of memories with a different version of Jim. One who had not been through Tarsus IV as a child, one who had had a mother and a father who loved him. A Jim that had been a Midwestern farm boy instead of a citizen of nowhere. But this Spock seemed to be as fond of this version of him as he had been of the ‘normal’, non-traumatized Jim.

Aside from these chess matches, Jim also looked forward to receiving correspondence. For the first time in his life, he was writing to more than just his father. These days he corresponded with most of the Enterprise bridge crew, which included his version of Spock, of course. He also wrote to Amanda, to several of the youngest Vulcan children who had formed an attachment to him during their journey back to Earth, as well as to his father. Any messages from Starfleet administration addressed to him, he re-routed to the Vulcan High Council without even reading them, letting the Council speak for him. He was refusing any contact with Starfleet Admiralty or any of their administrators. Surprisingly, of all the messages he was now receiving, he found himself looking forward to and deriving the most pleasure out of the short correspondences from his version of Spock. He couldn’t help but wonder if this was because he knew that in at least one universe, Spock was his _t’hyla_. Or if he just enjoyed their communiques. His Spock was thoughtful, observant, and had the kind of dry wit that made him laugh to himself when he read those missives.

It was a little strange to be in personal contact with the other Spock, one who had a lifetime of memories with another him, while still writing to his own Spock, someone with whom he was only just forging this supposedly long and storied friendship. But he enjoyed the messages he received from the younger Spock and tried to write back with interesting anecdotes of life aboard the T’Vran. Thus, he had been kept abreast of the goings-on on Earth as the Enterprise underwent massive overhaul and repairs, given the punishment she had sustained while defending the Federation against time-traveling Romulans.

But the T’Vran’s mission was now complete. They had located a suitable planet to relocate all surviving Vulcans and to begin a New Vulcan. It was quite comparable to Vulcan-that-was in almost every way, although the elder Spock lamented the lack of wild _sehlats_. He had such fond memories of his childhood companion i-Chaya. Jim teased the older Vulcan about sentimentality and how human that was, but the elder Spock only gave him a look that conveyed amusement.

Now, the T’Vran was on its way back to Earth and would arrive in fourteen hours. Jim was looking forward to seeing his father again, and his new friends, of course. But he was unsure of his reception on Earth. He had deliberately refused to pay attention to the details that the Vulcan High Council had decided to release about him. He trusted that Selenn would make decisions in his best interests and hadn’t asked about the details.

In addition, he wondered what his future was to bring. Once New Vulcan had been settled, the T’Vran would cease active missions of scientific discovery for a number of years to help stabilize the colony and work towards rebuilding the race. Jim was human and therefore any children he had with a Vulcan would be hybrids and perhaps be even more of a pariah than Spock had been, given that the number of pureblooded Vulcans were now greatly diminished. Besides, T’Lara, his bondmate had perished and he had no interest in finding another Vulcan bondmate among the survivors and the colonists. No one could replace her in his heart.

He also did not want to be grounded and live on New Vulcan. He had been raised in space, and he wished to remain there. While he could stay the first officer of the T’Vran, no doubt they would have shorter missions of trade and diplomacy, he had grown up on a spacefaring vessel whose main goal was the pursuit and discovery of knowledge. Jim was less interested in trade and diplomacy.

He had read the Vulcan High Council briefings and agreed that the priorities they had established for the Vulcan people were logical. However, they were not Jim’s priorities. He wanted to speak to Selenn about it all as his father had been his source of advice for so long. It was not the kind of thing he wished to put in a communique. He was much too human and needed to be able to see, hear and touch his father for this conversation. As such he was both looking forward to his return to Earth, as well as dreading it somewhat, nervous about the possible uproar in the newsfeeds. He had had enough of such things.

He kept busy until they docked and were shuttled to San Francisco. He was surprised to find not just Selenn awaiting him at the shuttle bay, but also Amanda and Spock. Selenn pulled him into his arms for a tight hug, running his hand up and down his back, and slipping one hand into his hair, which had grown unruly in the weeks since he had been on Earth. They touched foreheads for a while before Selenn released him.

“I know, _Samekh_ , I need a haircut,” Jim couldn’t help but smile at his father. He knew that his hair was curling and out of the control. It had been one of those things that had been an issue with the children in Shi’kahr, that even his hair was wild and undisciplined, like a physical embodiment of Jim’s human emotions. Selenn had objected to allowing him to darken his hair artificially, but had allowed him to keep it short which limited its ability to curl and allowed Jim more control over it. It was also better to have short hair in the desert as it made it easier for Jim to keep cool.

“I have always liked it when you allow your hair to express its emotions,” Selenn told him gravely.

Jim laughed at that. He had made the mistake of confessing to Selenn that Vulcan children thought his hair too bright and too wild, just like Jim himself and Selenn had been the one to point out how illogical that statement was, and that it was a reflection of the emotional state of Jim’s classmates rather than Jim himself. T’Lara had loved it and made it a running joke.

“It is after all reflection of my soul,” he agreed, laughing some more as Selenn ruffled his unruly hair.

Amanda embraced Jim as well, leaning up to kiss his cheek. “Welcome back,” she told him. “We have missed you.”

“I have missed you as well,” Jim told her. And he had.

“I know that they have arranged lodgings for your crew in San Francisco, but I was hoping that you would come and stay with us again? Your father is still occupying his room in our house and I’ve prepared your room for you as well.”

Jim smiled and nodded. “ _Nemaiyo_. I accept.”

The crew of the T’Vran nodded respectfully to Selenn, who had retired from his post as Captain only two years ago. Many of the crew had served under him.

“It is good to see you,” Spock told him.

“For me as well,” Jim couldn’t help but smile brightly at Spock. While he had enjoyed the company of elder Spock, he was looking forward to spending more time with his version of Spock. “I will return to the townhouse when I can. For now, we must report our findings to the High Council.”

“Of course,” Spock nodded.

“Come, my son. We will go together,” Selenn put an arm around Jim and steered him onwards.

\--------------------------------------------------------

It was a long debrief, and Jim missed having T’Lara by his side giving her report as well. When he was finally done, Selenn had an aircar waiting to take them back to the townhouse. It amazed Jim that he found himself feeling settled when he saw the house again. As if it had somehow imprinted itself to his consciousness as a safe place. Perhaps not a home, but certainly a domicile filled with happy memories.

It was very late and he had been very busy with his duties and short of sleep in the time that he had been away, so he fell into his bed and right to sleep without any fanfare. It was many hours later before he began stirring, not wanting to awaken even though he could hear his name being called.

“Jim,” the voice penetrated his consciousness.

He tried to bury himself under the many layers of blankets that were on the bed.

“ _She-tor_ , Jim,” the voice continued. “ _She-tor, sa-fu_.” Rise, my son.

“ _Rai_ ,” Jim mumbled. No. He was still tired.

“Come, Jim. You have been summoned.”

Jim pried open an eye and looked up. His father’s calm brown eyes looked down at him. “What?” he mumbled. Did his father say he had been summoned? “The High Council? Is there a problem?”

Selenn shook his head. “No. It is Admiral Pike.”

Jim frowned. “Starfleet?” he made a face.

“He wishes to thank you for saving his life. He is the former Captain Pike.”

Jim sighed. “Can I not just send him a message?”

Selenn gave him a quiet look. “I have befriended Admiral Pike in your absence. He is a good man. I think you will find him interesting.”

“You know my thoughts regarding Starfleet.”

“I do know them. But Christopher assures me he wishes to speak to you for personal reasons and not as a representative of Starfleet.”

Jim nodded. “Very well.”

“You have one hour to meet him at his office.”

Jim sighed and nodded again. He dragged himself out of bed and realized that it was already mid-afternoon. He’d slept for a good long while. A quick shower – with real water, what a luxury – and he pulled a spare uniform on and he was ready to go. Amanda gave him an assessing look.

“It might be easier on you if you were to appear more… human,” she suggested.

Jim looked down at himself. “I assure you I look quite human. Ask any Vulcan.”

“I mean that the press knows that the T’Vran has arrived and that you were aboard it, Jim. A human with your distinctive coloring wearing a Vulcan fleet uniform will stand out.”

“Oh,” Jim hadn’t thought about that. “I have no Terran clothing.”

“I kept the clothes you went out with, that one night, with your friends?”

“Will that be adequate for a conversation with Admiral Pike?”

“It will have to do,” Amanda said. She came back with neatly folded clothes and handed it to him. “We may need to procure more Terran clothing for you, to help you blend in.”

Jim nodded. It was a logical proposition, although he much preferred wearing his Vulcan clothes. He changed and returned, allowing Lady Amanda to inspect him.

“It is good that you have allowed your hair to grow out as you do not appear quite the same as before,” she nodded. “You look quite human.”

“Perhaps it is because I _am_ human,” he grinned. “I believe I will now blend in.”

“One final thing.” Amanda handed him what appeared to be sunglasses.

“I do not believe it is necessary to protect my eyes today,” Jim looked out the window at the overcast skies.

“Your eyes are distinctive as well, Jim,” Amanda smiled gently at him.

“Ah! It is part of my disguise,” Jim nodded.

“Your father has procured means of transportation that he believes you will enjoy.” Amanda handed him keys and showed him the garage where a motorcycle awaited him.

Jim could barely contain his delight. “My father is truly wise,” he grinned at Amanda.

“Be careful on that thing,” Amanda looked worried. She handed him a red helmet that matched the motorcycle.

Jim gave her a hug and kissed her cheek before he put the helmet on. He slipped the sunglasses into his jacket pocket and zipped it up. “I will be.”

“Will you be home for dinner, do you think?”

“I believe so.”

“Good. Sarek will be home, too. We can have a family dinner. We have all missed having you home.”

Jim nodded. He started the motorcycle and laid in his course in the navsystem. He waved to Amanda as he zoomed away.

He slipped the sunglasses on after he took his helmet off. Leaving the motorcycle parked, he made his way to the building and to Admiral Pike’s office, the helmet under his arm, his sunglasses perched on his nose even though he was indoors as it was part of his disguise. He knocked on a door where a young human male sat.

“Greetings. I have an appointment with Admiral Pike,” he told the man.

The man jumped when he looked up. “Oh wow. You’re… It _is_ you.”

“I am James son of Selenn,” Jim pulled the sunglasses low on his nose and peered at the man over them. Had the man not recognized him? Perhaps his disguise was too effective?

“Yes, yes. Please, go right in. The Admiral is expecting you.”

Jim nodded and entered the inner office. Christopher Pike was behind his desk, sitting in a wheelchair.

“Hello,” Admiral Pike greeted him.

“Greetings,” automatically Jim flashed him the ta’al, which Pike returned smoothly.

“I wasn’t quite expecting… this…” Pike gestured towards Jim.

“My disguise?” Jim looked down at himself. He was wearing his ripped jeans, blue shirt and jacket. He pushed the sunglasses on top of his head the way he had seen other humans wear them when they wished to expose their eyes without having to inconvenience themselves with the burden of carrying them in their hands. “Lady Amanda suggested that wearing Terran clothing would help me ‘blend in’. I accede to her expertise, after all she is knowledgeable in human ways. But I confess, I find it perplexing.”

“So this was Amanda’s idea?” Pike gestured towards Jim’s clothing again.

Jim nodded.

“And what is… perplexing?” Pike asked.

Jim pointed to his pants. “Humans are incredibly illogical, purposefully making holes in perfectly serviceable clothing,” he frowned. “I do not see the purpose of this. I suppose I should be thankful that I do not have holes in my shirt as well.”

Pike laughed at that and Jim cocked an eyebrow, waiting for him to be done. “I’m so sorry, James,” Pike finally stopped laughing. “But you are so much more Vulcan than I had expected.”

“I was raised by a Vulcan amongst Vulcans, sir,” Jim looked at him in puzzlement. “Surely you cannot expect anything less?”

Pike smiled at him. “No, no. Of course not. Please, do sit down. Jerome will bring refreshments. What can I offer you? Coffee, or tea, or perhaps something stronger?”

Jim gave it a moment’s thought. Humans had a habit of serving refreshments to visitors, he remembered. “Tea, please,” he requested, not wanting to appear impolite.

“Of course,” Pike pressed a button and asked his assistant for tea. They sat and looked at each other, Jim assessing the older man’s condition. He seemed to be much recovered from his ordeal.

“I never got a chance to thank you for saving my life,” Pike began after the tea was served. Jim was pleased to find that it was Vulcan tea. Selenn’s favorite tea, in fact. It should not be surprising, if this man was someone his father had befriended.

“It is unnecessary,” Jim tried to wave away the man’s sentiments.

“And I don’t know if anyone actually thanked you for saving Earth. As well as the rest of the Federation.”

“Again, thanks are unnecessary. I only did what had to be done.”

Pike sighed. “Still. Please accept my thanks.”

“Very well,” Jim nodded. If it would make the human happy.

“How was your mission?”

“It was adequate,” Jim told him. “We believe we have found a new home.”

“I see. I am happy for you.”

Jim nodded. He would have to get used to people expressing their emotions again. “Thank you.”

They stared at each other for a moment. “I wrote my dissertation on the events surrounding the destruction of the USS Kelvin,” Pike told him.

Jim raised an eyebrow.

“Something I admired about George Kirk, he didn't believe in no-win scenarios.”

“I do not believe in… no-win scenarios, either. But it did not turn out well for George Kirk.”

“Well, it depends on how you define winning. You're here, aren't ya?”

Jim inclined his head. It was true that while George Kirk had not survived the challenge, he managed to hold off his attackers and save most of his crewmates. Sacrificing himself to save many others was logical. “The good of the many outweighs the good of the few,” Jim said. “Or the one.”

“When called upon, you jumped right into action. You saved Earth, James.” Pike was staring, his eyes boring into Jim. “My knowledge of the events that occurred before, my gut, it’s what made us survive when we arrived in Vulcan’s orbit. But you did the rest of it. Based on something as illogical as your feelings on what needed to be done.”

Jim nodded. He had read Pike’s dissertation a long time ago. He had read almost everything he could about the events surrounding the death of his biological father when he figured out how to hack into Starfleet’s archives back when he was a young teenager trying to make sense of his life, on the T’Vran.

“You know, that instinct to leap without looking, that was George Kirk’s nature too, and in my opinion, it's something Starfleet's lost.”

Jim gave him a confused frown. “Why are we speaking of this?”

“I suppose I should just be thankful that you’re not some genius-level repeat offender in the Midwest,” Pike sighed. “I did look up your juvenile record.”

“Please clarify the term ‘repeat offender’?” Jim was becoming even more confused.

“You are George Kirk’s biological son.” Pike stared at him in wonder. “I apologize for bringing this up, but I can’t believe you’re here. Alive.”

Jim inclined his head. “Now I am James son of Selenn, of Vulcan-that-was,” he corrected the man.

“I understand that,” Pike nodded. “But you must know that George Kirk, your father, is a legend.”

“He was never my father,” Jim countered. “He is as much a legend to me, as he is to you. _Selenn_ is my father.”

“You know, George Kirk was Captain of a starship for twelve minutes. He saved eight hundred lives, including your mother's. And yours. I don’t have to dare you to do better as you’ve already saved the world in the little time that you were Captain of the Enterprise,” Pike smiled at him.

Jim frowned. What was the point of all of this?

Pike gave him a long look. “I looked into what happened to you. How you got ‘lost’ when you were a child.”

Jim gave him a flat look.

“You were sent to Tarsus IV for school but you never returned.”

Jim nodded cautiously.

“What of your mother?”

“She is no longer my mother.” That was all Jim was willing to say.

How was he to express to a complete stranger how he felt – that his mother had never been a mother to him. That she had given all her love to a dead man and had none left for either of her sons after his death. That his brother had run away and abandoned him, unable to bear the beatings their stepfather was doling out to them both, while their mother had been ‘in the black’, as far away from them as she could possibly get. How he had stood up for himself, taking George Kirk’s car and driving it away even though he was only a child, the car that should have been Sam’s or even his, because his stepfather was going to sell it, out of spite for having to live his life in the shadow of a dead legend. How he had accidentally driven it into a ravine, almost died, and then gotten sent away to Tarsus IV for it. How after Selenn found him, the Vulcan had tried to do the right thing and give him back to his mother, and how his mother did not want him back, a starved, feral, broken boy by then. He had had to do unspeakable things to survive Tarsus IV. But he endured them. He survived. How many years had Selenn been patient with him, and with T’Lara? The nightmares. The flashbacks. Selenn was his true parent. Not the legend who died trying to save his life, and certainly not the human who had birthed him.

No. Winona Kirk was no longer his mother. Winona Kirk had never been his mother.

“Starfleet tried to speak to her, you know? After your earth identity was discovered,” Pike continued.

“Winona Kirk?” Jim asked.

Pike nodded. “They asked her about you. When the Starfleet administrator leaked who you were to the press.”

Jim raised an eyebrow. “And?”

“It didn’t go well.”

Jim nodded. He wondered if they asked her about her other son. Sam, who was the great George Kirk’s namesake. For the first time in a long time, he wondered if his brother was still alive. He had not seen him since Sam had run away.

“Did they ask her about Sam?” he found himself asking.

“Sam?” it was Pike’s turn to look confused.

“My brother.”

“George Samuel Kirk, Jr?”

Jim nodded.

“He is not a member of Starfleet, I don’t think. Why do you ask?”

“He ran away before I was sent away. I wondered if he ever returned.”

“Your brother ran away?” Pike looked shocked.

“I suppose they never reported it?” Jim sighed.

Pike shook his head and began tapping away at his PADD. “I had no idea.”

“It’s better he never came back. Iowa was not a good place for either of us,” Jim said grimly. “I do not have good memories of Earth.”

Pike looked up, and nodded, seeing the steely glint in Jim’s blue eyes. “You have a loyal group of friends here, though.”

Jim gave him a questioning look. Where was Pike going with this?

“The Enterprise bridge crew?”

Jim allowed his lips to quirk up in a smile. “Yes. I am fond of them.”

“Did you know that they are the ones who found the person who leaked your identity? He took a cup you used for water at one of the debriefings, and ran an illegal DNA test on it. Your crew found him.”

“I had not been told,” Jim was surprised.

“Well, Captain Spock brought him up on charges. Invasion of privacy, for one. Not to mention, he profited by selling this information to the newsfeeds. You can imagine what Spock did to him for that.”

Jim grinned slightly at that.

“There were rumors that Sulu, McCoy and Uhura threatened him such that he pled guilty of all the charges without contesting them. Chekov ruined him financially by doing something complicated with his accounts. I don’t know the details. Officially, I know nothing.”

Jim nodded, inordinately pleased by the news.

“They will go to the ends of the galaxy for you.”

And Jim would do the same for them. He allowed Pike to see his smile. He had to remind himself that he was among humans now and did not need to comport himself as strictly.

“I only bring this up because Spock has refused to fill the first officer position on the Enterprise,” Pike gave him a serious look.

Jim frowned. “My father assured me that you wished to see me for personal reasons and not to further Starfleet’s agenda,” he grabbed his helmet and made to leave.

“This _is_ personal,” Pike’s blue eyes did not waver. “Spock was my first officer. I care about him, I have been a mentor to him since he started at the Academy. I asked him to be my first officer, and he declined other offers, choosing to wait with me for the Enterprise to be completed. And now, I’ve hand picked him to be Captain of the Enterprise since I can’t return to the position. He’s jeopardizing his mission by refusing to consider any other candidates for a position he believes should be yours.”

Jim sighed and put his helmet down again. “But I am not a member of Starfleet, nor do I wish to be. I have made this clear to Spock.”

“You are qualified and experienced, more so than most of the crew of the Enterprise now,” Pike sipped his tea. “I am told that the T’Vran will not be embarking on long scientific missions for several years now, while the people of Vulcan colonize the planet you found.”

Jim nodded reluctantly.

“Elder Selenn has implied that you would hate to be planet bound. Any planet. Including New Vulcan. Now that you are recovered from the… injuries? It’s unclear what kind of injuries you suffered that made it necessary for you to be on Vulcan for so long in the past year?”

Jim merely blinked and nodded at the question Pike was asking and there was no way a human like Pike would understand the kind of injury that T’Lara’s death had inflicted upon him, when their bond broke so suddenly. Granted, it would have been even more traumatic had Jim actually been Vulcan, but he and T’Lara had been bonded for over half their lifetimes, not just the normal pre-bond of Vulcan mates, to be consummated during the male’s Time. They had been as bonded as a human or a Vulcan could be, without the final joining of their minds that only T’Pau could bestow. T’Pau had been surprised at the depth and the strength of the bond he and T’Lara had shared, and that even the final joining wouldn’t have made as big a difference to what they were already experiencing together. Perhaps because theirs was a bond forged during extreme trauma and lack. Had Jim been Vulcan, T’Pau felt that he would have lost his mind with the pain of the loss of the bond. As it was, it had been a slow recovery, during which time he had functioned as Selenn’s aide.

“I am adequate,” Jim told the Admiral.

“Good. Then is your father correct? You would not be inclined to stay on New Vulcan?”

Jim gave him a human shrug.

Pike grinned. “I don’t have Starfleet’s blessing on any of this, I have to warn you first. But it got me thinking. What if you could be the Enterprise’s First Officer without being officially Starfleet? The Vulcan fleet will have a different edict, and different goals for at least a few years. At least until New Vulcan is stable.”

Jim nodded cautiously.

“If I were to campaign for you to be a liaison of the Vulcan fleet instead of a personnel of Starfleet proper, filling in the First Officer role, would this be something you’d consider?”

Jim pursed his lips. “I would still be of the Vulcan fleet?”

“Nobody would make you wear a Starfleet uniform. You wouldn’t need to display the Starfleet logo anywhere on your person.”

He frowned and cocked his head. “I do not understand why you would want me on board this badly.”

Pike blew out a breath. “Spock will not fill that position,” he said softly. “I know this about him. He has pledged this position to you, along with his loyalty. If you don’t accept, he’ll appoint Sulu or maybe Scotty in Engineering as temporary first officer, and he will go on his first mission without the kind of experience and manpower that he would truly need.”

“I could speak with him about this. He will see the illogic in keeping this position open for me.”

“Besides, if I understand your father and you correctly, you object to serving in Starfleet. But yet, while on the Enterprise, even after you rescinded the captaincy back to Spock, you were a major contributor to everything on board, from working in Engineering, to helping the crew get to know each other, and to bringing the Vulcan refugees and the crew together. Everyone I’ve spoken with told me you were everywhere except for the bridge, which you avoided after the Narada’s defeat.”

Jim pursed his lips. “I fail to see the significance of…”

“The rest of the crew already love you and are fiercely loyal to you. Remember what happened to the guy who blew your identity?” Pike shook his head.

Jim stared at the admiral, his thoughts flying around. Could he consider such an offer? Would it not still be serving Starfleet to serve aboard a Starfleet vessel, the flagship vessel in fact, even he still wore a Vulcan fleet uniform? He did not know.

“Spock isn’t the only one who wants this. Sulu, Chekov, Scott, McCoy, even Cadet Uhura has indicated that she would not object if she were to serve with you again. And Uhura hates everyone.”

Jim couldn’t help but grin at that. “I had been under the impression that it is Doctor McCoy who hates everyone.”

“Doctor McCoy seems quite fond of you.”

“Doctor McCoy just enjoys every opportunity to stick a hypo in my neck and call it ‘medicine’,” Jim rolled his eyes.

Pike chuckled at that. “Ah, so you _do_ have a sense of humor.”

Jim inclined his head, smiling slightly.

“All I ask is for you to consider this possibility. You would be on the Enterprise, and her mission would be one of discovery. To seek out new life and new civilizations. To boldly go where no one has gone before. This is what the T’Vran stands for. This is what Vulcan has been doing for a millennia.”

Jim bit his lip.

“You would help Vulcan continue in this effort, even as she rebuilds.”

It was tempting.

“If I can swing getting you as a liaison officer, perhaps I can swing others in the Vulcan fleet who wish to continue with their original directive. On the Enterprise, and perhaps on other Starfleet vessels.”

It was _very_ tempting.

“This is personal to me. Spock is someone I hold in high regard. I want him to succeed. I think you will help him do this.”

Jim sighed.

“Think about it,” Pike told him. “I will start the work on my end to see what we can do about having Vulcan fleet liaisons serving on Starfleet vessels. Even if you do not accept this offer, other Vulcans might.”

Jim nodded cautiously.

“Thanks for giving me a moment of your time.”

Jim nodded again.

“And please do say hello to Amanda for me.”

“I shall.”

Jim rose and picked his helmet up, automatically giving Pike the ta’al. Pike returned it and then reached out a hand.

Jim looked at the proffered hand dumbly for a moment before he understood. He’d completely forgotten that humans shook hands. He clasped the offered hand, remembering what his brother Sam had told him when instructing him on the proper way to shake hands like a man many, many years ago. Sam had only been telling him what their father George had taught young Sam. It was strange to think that George Kirk was still influencing Jim’s life all these years later. Pike’s smile was wide and happy.

“Live long and prosper, James son of Selenn,” Pike told him.

“Peace and long life.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to include a version of Pike's conversation with Jim, but with a twist, of course.
> 
> All Vulcan translations were sourced from the [Vulcan Language Dictionary](https://www.starbase-10.de/vld/).
> 
> Transcript of the movie can be found at [this site](http://www.chakoteya.net/Extras/movie2009.html).
> 
> I have one more chapter after this, and an epilogue, so we are almost done! :D


	9. Chapter Eight

**Chapter Eight**

That night, Jim sought Selenn out to speak to him about his conversation with Admiral Pike.

“Did you know that he wished to offer me a way to serve aboard the Enterprise without leaving the Vulcan Fleet?” Jim didn’t beat around the bush. Selenn was Vulcan, after all.

Selenn shrugged. “I had hoped that he would have a viable solution,” he said. “Does he?”

“Nothing set in stone yet, but he wishes to propose liaisons of the Vulcan fleet to serve aboard Starfleet vessels, since the Vulcan fleet is greatly reduced, and our mission parameters have changed drastically.”

Selenn nodded.

“Did you ask him to offer me the first officer position, to back what Spock has tendered towards me?” Jim wanted to know the extent to which Selenn had interfered.

“I had not been informed that Spock had asked you to be his first officer.”

“Really?”

Selenn nodded. “I had heard many different rumors about you, and of course I knew that Starfleet was courting you. But I did not know that Spock had, himself, spoken to you about this.”

“It was before I left on the T’Vran,” Jim grimaced. “But he has not said anything about it to me since my return.”

“You have only just returned. And perhaps, he does not wish to place undue pressure upon you, given that he knows your opinion of Starfleet in general.”

That could be. Jim sighed. He played with the hem of his tunic and drummed on the table for a moment and Selenn sat and waited patiently for Jim to find his words.

“Father, do you think I should be a liaison officer for the Vulcan fleet?” Jim finally blurted out.

“What do _you_ think, my son?”

Jim shrugged. He was torn. He wasn’t really cut out to spend his days colonizing a planet, or in fact, living on a planet anywhere. At least not for a long time. Not until he was old and feeble. He wanted to do what Selenn had been lucky enough to spend much of his adult life doing – he wanted to explore. He was like Winona Kirk in that sense. He wanted to be ‘in the black’ and to see what else was out there out beyond known space. However, he had never considered doing this with Starfleet. He abhorred Starfleet.

“You must use your words, _sa-fu_ ,” Selenn was gentle.

“I cannot see how serving aboard a Starfleet vessel is not serving Starfleet, no matter the uniform that I wear,” Jim whispered.

“It is not an incorrect interpretation,” Selenn agreed.

“So you _do_ think I shouldn’t do this?”

“It is not the only interpretation.”

“So you think I should do this?”

Selenn sighed. “I believe that there are two questions that you must ask yourself, and you must be as honest as you possibly can in answering them. The first: do you believe that serving on board a Starfleet vessel as a liaison of the Vulcan fleet is in fact serving Starfleet, or do you think you would be furthering the Vulcan fleet’s original primary edict by doing so?”

Jim stared at his father. He didn’t know the answer to that. “And the second question?”

“Second, regardless of the answer to the first question, you must ask yourself what will make you happy? Working on New Vulcan to establish the new colony, or going back into space, exploring the stars like you had planned to do with T’Lara since you were children? Especially now that she is no more, and can no longer adventure with you, and the Vulcan fleet has had to pull back from our original mission. Would you be still be your happiest in space, given these differences?”

Jim gaped at him. Happiness was not at the forefront of his mind. He had to consider the good of the many. He could contribute in many ways to the colonization of New Vulcan.

Selenn seemed to understand him though. “You are human, Jim. You must choose happiness,” his father cupped his face and smiled. “You are so young, my son. You have lost so much, but you have also gained many things. This is your choice. I will support your decision, whatever it may be. All I ask is that you consider these questions, and choose what will make you happy.”

Jim nodded.

“I am proud of you,” Selenn ruffled his hair. “Whatever you decide, know that I am always proud of you and that I love you.”

“Love you, too,” Jim threw himself into Selenn’s arms, feeling like a child, needing his father’s comforting arms.

Selenn stayed, hugging him for a long time before he wished Jim good night and went to bed.

To pass the time and to stop himself from worrying too much, Jim spent the next few weeks filling his days with many different things, trying to put off making any decisions since he was hopelessly torn. He did not know the answer to the first question. He knew that he would be happiest on a vessel. But would he be happy enough to continue this work, this dream he had had, without T’Lara and aboard a Starfleet vessel? This he did not know.

In the meantime, Jim worked with Amanda at the Vulcan embassy, coordinating the needs of Vulcan survivors and helping to identify and reunite families and friends as Vulcans who had been rescued and those who had been off-world tried to reconnect with each other. He also signed up to assist with the continuing education of the surviving children, renewing his friendships with the little ones. He went with Selenn to Vulcan High Council meetings, as his aide again, working to prepare the Vulcans and the colony that was being built. In addition, his evenings were filled with nights out with various members of the Enterprise crew as well as time spent at home with Amanda, Spock, Selenn and Sarek.

There were times when he was conscripted to join Scotty, working on Enterprise repairs while she was in the drydock and at times he accompanied Spock to one of his classes, sitting quietly in the back and observing his friend as well as the students. He ignored the cadets’ looks of curiosity, focusing on Spock, admiring the way the half-Vulcan looked in his instructor blacks, a stark contrast to the bright red of the cadets, while Jim wore Vulcan garments, which made him easily identifiable. Spock was a logical and exacting instructor, difficult to impress. Jim enjoyed his classes perhaps more than the actual cadets, but he was aware that he was not the only one to find the half-Vulcan attractive. Spock had his fair share of admirers among the students, which he studiously ignored. After class, Spock would take Jim to the cafeteria for refreshments and they would sit together while Jim watched the cadets going about their business. Amanda called it ‘people watching’, and Jim learned many odd things about humans, during these times. He and Spock would also discuss all kinds of things – from the erudite, to the mundane. They wondered about the idiocy of some of Spock’s students, and discussed books that they had read. It was always easy between them and Jim enjoyed Spock’s company very much.

Jim was with Spock observing cadets taking the Kobayashi Maru test and his frown deepened as the cadet tried one thing after another with no success. Halfway through the second candidate, he turned to Spock.

“They cannot win,” he hissed at his friend. “There is no possible way to win this thing.”

Spock gave him a calm look. “Affirmative, this is a no-win scenario.”

“But _they_ do not know this,” Jim pointed at the desperate cadet, and he couldn’t help but recall the distress on the face of the previous cadet on the destruction of not only his vessel but also that of the Kobayashi Maru.

“It is part of the test.”

“Are you teaching people how to fail?”

“The purpose is to experience fear. Fear in the face of certain death. To accept that fear, and maintain control of oneself and one's crew. This is a quality expected in every Starfleet captain.”

“It is _illogical_!” Jim growled. “Where is the logic in training a person to accept failure? I do not believe in no-win scenarios. And I do not believe that someone should go into a position of power, like the captain of a starship, with the belief that no matter what they do, they will _lose_. What is the purpose of such a lesson? If I had gone through life expecting to lose, I would have died a hundred times over by now. But yet, here I am.”

Spock gazed at him, worry in his eyes. “What do you suggest, then? This test is a Starfleet tradition.”

Jim snorted in disgust. “Starfleet,” he snarled, “needs a new tradition.”

“What would you do if you had to take this test, not knowing the truth about it?” Spock’s tone was curious.

Jim took a moment. “I would probably take it more than once, and when I figured out that it was an unwinnable test, then I would _find_ a way to win. In this case, I’d probably hack into the programming and fix it.”

“In academic vernacular, you would be cheating.”

“Here at Starfleet Academy, perhaps it would be cheating. But out there, with all the beings ready to lie and steal and kill you, no, it would not be cheating. It is how you _survive_. You do not aim to lose. Besides, this test is itself a cheat.” Jim rolled his eyes. “Wouldn’t you want a captain or someone in command to keep striving and doing everything he or she can to complete their duties? To save lives? I believe that this test does not motivate humans in the way that Starfleet thinks it does.”

Spock hummed to himself, looking as if he were inclined to agree with Jim, but he let it go. He pulled an apple out of his bag and handed it to him. Jim was unsure when Spock realized that plying him with food was a good way to keep him calm, but Selenn did it to him all the time, and Amanda had taken to carrying energy bars to hand to him when he went to work with her. He took the apple and angrily crunched a big bite, still glaring at Spock, but the half-Vulcan had turned his attention back to the cadet taking the test.

Luckily their relationship suffered no change despite Jim’s strong objections to the Kobayashi Maru test. They continued to spend time together when they could.

Amanda had bought him more Terran clothing which he utilized if he wished to be inconspicuous, and there were days when he donned his disguise and rode alone on his motorcycle, just riding up and down the coast of northern California, keeping the ocean in view as much as he could. He had spent his early childhood in landlocked Iowa, and the rest of his life either in the black or in the desert. The ocean was an amazing thing. He found himself wishing T’Lara were here to share this experience with him. This ocean was more bleak, colder, more remote and much quieter than the ones on Risa. T’Lara would not have liked it as much as she liked the oceans of Risa, but Jim loved it. He found himself thinking about T’Lara more now, but he found that they were more wistful thoughts than debilitating, painful ones. He was truly healing from something he thought he would never get over. Sometimes he would hear T’Lara commenting on things in his head, and there were times when he felt that T’Lara would understand his fascination with Spock.

On weekends or on Spock’s day off, the half Vulcan would join him on his exploratory rides, both men’s faces hidden under concealing helmets. This was by far Jim’s favorite aspect of how he spent his time, riding free and enjoying the oceans and beaches with Spock pressed up against his back, Spock’s gloved hands often on his torso, holding on to him. Some nights, Jim wondered what Spock’s bare hands would feel like on him, skin on skin, but he tried not to think about it too much. He tried not to think too much about anything, really.

Jim’s days and evenings were full. He found that he was quite content with his life, despite not being on the T’Vran. He was so busy he ended up not having enough time to mope and worry, although in the back of his mind he was still conscious of Pike’s words. He knew that Pike was working to integrate members of the Vulcan fleet into Starfleet, for those who wished to continue their journey of discovery, and that it was a popular movement amongst humans and Vulcans alike. The idea that Vulcans could still continue to do the work they had been doing without it jeopardizing their survival as a people was very popular and Starfleet was opening their doors to Vulcan fleet liaisons on more than one Starfleet vessel. Selenn was pleased with these developments but Jim was not brave enough to ask Selenn his advice regarding Pike’s offer again, still unable to answer the first of the two questions Selenn had advised him to ask himself.

Adding to Jim’s confusion was the fact that even though Spock still kept the first officer position open, he had not spoken to him about this again. Jim was unsure what to think about it. Had Spock changed his mind? Or was he truly trying to respect Jim and give him room to decide? But since his days were full of activities and people, he pushed it to the back of his mind and placed his focus on the day to day instead of planning for his own personal future.

He attended the graduation of the entirely too small remaining senior class at Starfleet Academy, sitting with Amanda, Sarek and Selenn. And although the number of graduating cadets was greatly reduced, the ceremony was attended by many. Some parents and family of the deceased students had made the trip to San Francisco, in honor of the cadets who perished on the other Starfleet vessels deployed to Vulcan on the rescue mission turned slaughter by the Narada. The names of every deceased cadet and the vessel they had been assigned to was read out, followed by the names of every Starfleet personnel who had died that day. They also combined the graduation with the formal handover ceremony where Spock was directed to report to Admiral Pike to relieve him of duty and formally take over as the new captain of the Enterprise.

After that, medals were awarded to those who made a difference in the battle against the Narada. The Enterprise bridge crew all received medals, as did Scotty, McCoy, and other veterans of the battle. When Spock’s name was called, the assembly hall reverberated with cheers. Jim found himself clapping and whistling, the way Sam used to, cheering for his friend. They announced another name but it took him a moment to realize that they had announced his name, James son of Selenn. He sat, unmoving, uncertain as to what to do.

Selenn put his arm around Jim and nodded to the stage, and Amanda took his hand, trying to gently tug him up. Jim looked at the encouraging faces of Selenn and Amanda, and even Sarek gave him an approving nod before he stood, straightening the high collar of the formal Vulcan robe he had donned for this formal ceremony. The crew of the Enterprise who were still in formation on the stage began cheering loudly. Jim could hear them chant his name – Jim, Jim, Jim, as only his friends called him.

“Commander James, son of Selenn, first officer of the T’Vran of the Vulcan Fleet,” the admiral announced his name again as he ascended the stairs sedately, hands clasped together and hidden in the long folds of his sleeves. “For his service as Acting Captain of the USS Enterprise, the catalyst in defeating our enemy and saving Earth and the rest of the Federation.”

Jim did not think it possible but the cheering increased in volume and his face heated up with a blush. He nodded his acknowledgement as the admiral – Jim did not know which one he was as he did not pay attention to such things – attached the medal to his left breast. The admiral stuck out his hand and Jim extracted his right hand from his sleeve and clasped it, shaking it firmly.

“Your father would be proud,” the admiral told him softly.

“My father _is_ proud,” Jim flicked his eyes to where Selenn was seated, his smile wide and proud as he clapped for Jim.

The admiral gestured for him to turn around which he did, and he was faced with the entire assembly hall filled with people on their feet, cheering for him. It was overwhelming. He gave them a tight smile, nervous at the fact that people were cheering for him without knowing him in person, before moving to stand next to Spock.

“How do you stand all this emotion?” he whispered to his friend.

Spock bent to put his head closer to Jim’s lips in order to hear him better. Then he turned to Jim. “It is quite a challenge,” he murmured right in Jim’s ear, which made a blast of heat hit his loins and tingles go down his spine. “But I persevere.”

It had been a long time since Jim had felt anything like that but he pushed that feeling away. Instead, he shook his head.

“ _Humans_ ,” he said, making it sound like an insult. He was rewarded with a quirk of Spock’s eyebrow and an almost grin, and he grinned back, a real one instead of a nervous one, which apparently was the signal for another increase in the volume of cheering.

Afterwards, when he and Spock were mobbed by the crew of the Enterprise, Jim couldn’t help but laugh and cheer and hug his friends and comrades right back. But it was a highly charged and incredibly emotional atmosphere. It was a little too much to take in and he needed some time alone to process. Jim found himself wandering through the shuttle bay by himself, looking at the myriad of shuttles that were docked or in flight around him. It was a hive of activity. It comforted him, seeing all of these space-worthy vehicles just waiting to leave atmosphere. He belonged in space. He had been born there, raised there, and in all probability, he would die there. As was his right. He pondered Pike’s offer again, Selenn’s questions, and Spock’s silence on the matter.

“Jim,” a familiar voice hailed him.

He turned and smiled at the elder Spock, his companion during the mission on the T’Vran. The elder version of his Spock nodded at him and Jim could see the smile in his expressive, human eyes. It was his favorite feature of both Spocks, their beautiful eyes that reflected their feelings and brought warmth to Jim’s very being.

“Spock,” Jim’s smile widened as his hands automatically formed the ta’al.

“It is always strange for me to see you be so Vulcan.”

“I am not the Jim you served with.”

“No. There are differences, of course, but you are still Jim. And you are still and always shall be my friend.”

Jim nodded. “There is one thing I always meant to ask you…?”

“Proceed.”

“Why did you send me aboard the Enterprise, when you alone could have explained the truth? My Spock would have believed you and I would not have needed to compromise him. I am aware that it would not have caused a universe ending paradox, should you two meet.”

“Because,” Spock gave him what he thought might even be a tender look, “you and your Spock needed each other. I could not deprive you of the revelation of all that you could accomplish together. Of a friendship, that would define you both, in ways you cannot yet realize.”

Jim frowned. “That’s it?”

Spock nodded.

“What if I had told him about you?”

Spock gave him a human shrug. “I felt you would keep my promise.”

“You gambled.”

“An act of faith. One I hope that you will repeat in the future at Starfleet.”

Jim’s frown deepened. “I have strong feelings against Starfleet and do not wish a future with it.”

“Admiral Pike has arranged it for you and others like you to serve the Vulcan fleet aboard Starfleet vessels, has he not?”

Jim nodded. “In the face of extinction, it is logical for me to stay with my father and help rebuild New Vulcan.”

“Do yourself a favor, Jim. Put aside logic. Do what feels right. What does your heart tell you?”

Jim gave him a surprised look.

“I am only half Vulcan,” the elderly Vulcan was practically smiling now. “I have learned that my heart is not always to be ignored. I advise you to do the same.”

Jim could only nod dumbly.

“Live long and prosper, Jim,” Spock raised his hand in the ta’al. “It is always a pleasure to see you again, old friend. Good luck.”

Jim nodded, returning the ta’al. “Peace and long life.”

Spock gazed upon him for a long moment before he gave him a small smile and turned away. Jim wandered through the hangar some more before the Enterprise crew found him and dragged him out for a celebration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seemed to make sense to me that Spock Prime would have to convince Jim to serve on the Enterprise instead of Spock in this 'verse ;)
> 
> All Vulcan translations were sourced from the [Vulcan Language Dictionary](https://www.starbase-10.de/vld/).
> 
> Transcript of the movie can be found at [this site](http://www.chakoteya.net/Extras/movie2009.html).
> 
> Just the epilogue tomorrow! Sorry I missed posting the last couple of days. RL stuff... :D


	10. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Now that Jim was back, Spock was happier than he had ever been. He was spending as much time as he could with the young human, and he enjoyed it when Jim accompanied him to his classes, a quiet figure at the back of the class, those blue, blue eyes of his missing nothing, and their conversations afterwards. Jim would make an excellent instructor for he paid attention to the students, immediately able to tell which ones were struggling, which ones just simply did not care for the subject, and such, things that Spock often missed without actually looking at their assignments. Spock wished to have those eyes looking at everything he was looking at, as he was sure that between them, they would miss nothing. He really wanted for Jim to be his first officer as he truly felt that Jim belonged with him, on the Enterprise.

He had met his counterpart once, and it had been an interesting conversation. That his counterpart had served in Starfleet, much like he had, but with a Jim that was his superior. Jim had been captain of the Enterprise in the other timeline. Although this timeline was quite different from the other, Spock knew in his bones that Jim belonged on the Enterprise in any capacity. If it meant that he gave up the captaincy to Jim to entice him aboard the Enterprise in this timeline, he would willingly do it. He knew that he needed the human’s presence and brainpower. But he did not wish to bring up the first officer position again, given Jim’s disinclination to serve in Starfleet. Jim’s reasons were more than valid, and Spock would never wish to pressure Jim into doing something he did not want to do, and put him in a difficult situation. Spock cherished what they already had, and did not wish to impose his wishes to extend their friendship aboard the Enterprise.

So, he was happy enough to enjoy all the time that they were able to spend together in the here and now. He tried not to think of the surprising loneliness he had experienced while Jim had returned to the T’Vran and gone away on the mission to discover New Vulcan. And he tried not to think of a future where he would be on the Enterprise and Jim would be elsewhere, on the T’Vran or on New Vulcan, doing things apart from him. He didn’t quite understand his attachment to the human, but he knew that he was happier now that he had met him and never wanted to be far from him.

However, he felt even more conflicted about his own relationship with his father the more he was exposed to Jim and Selenn. Selenn seemed not to care at all that Jim was not Vulcan. Selenn encouraged Jim to be human, and he seemed to enjoy simulating human behavior because it made Jim happy. Spock found himself feeling even more deeply than he usually did that old hurt, wondering why Sarek would have even married a human if he had thought they were a disadvantage. Why had he bothered to have a hybrid child, if that was not what he wanted? Why was he in the universe if his father could not accept him for who he was? Not that Spock felt like he truly knew who he was anymore.

Spock was becoming unsure of himself and his identity. He had always clung so fiercely to being Vulcan that he never gave his humanity a chance, and now, seeing how Selenn was with Jim, he was wondering more and more if perhaps it would not be a bad thing to be more human. Or to be allowed to at least explore his humanity instead of hiding it as if it were truly a disadvantage. But at the same time, he also felt like he was too set in his ways to truly change himself. It did not stop him from meditating about this idea of exploring his own humanity, perhaps he could do it in secret, to better understand himself.

Sadly this was not a conversation he could have with his mother. He did not know what she would say, and he did not want his words to hurt her in any way. His mother deserved a son that could love her in a way that made her happy, not a half Vulcan man who no longer even knew what he was.

He thought about speaking to Jim about it, but he did not wish to burden his friend with these heavy thoughts. He even thought about speaking to Selenn about it. Obviously, the elder had already made some decisions in his life to do what was right for the good of a human child, and it had not affected who Selenn was as a Vulcan. Perhaps it would be a good idea to speak to Selenn. He decided to wait, biding his time, wishing to find a time where he could speak to the elder in an unhurried and private way.

However, Sarek surprised him. It was late one night and Spock had been out with Jim, just the two of them, out to dinner and a holofilm that Sulu had encouraged Jim to watch. Jim had been laughing out loud at the illogical plotline and the supposed romance, and making snide comments in Spock’s ear as they shared a bucket of buttery popcorn between them. Both Spock and Jim had been schooled in the art of movie watching by the Enterprise bridge crew, and at the theater, they had learned to always purchase popcorn and snacks in order to watch the holofilm. That was apparently part of the experience of movie watching.

That night, Spock could not even recall very much of the movie as his focus had been to Jim’s proximity, the things that Jim whispered in his ear, and the fact that their hands brushed each other at times when reaching for the popcorn. Each time their bare skin touched, Spock could feel the amusement and happiness that Jim was experiencing. It was a heady feeling. Upon their return to the townhouse, they sat in the kitchen and snacked, Jim chattering away happily, before they retired to their bedrooms. Spock needed to meditate in order to calm his mind from the brightness that was Jim.

He was still meditating when there was a knock at his door. Perhaps it was Jim, come to wish him good night, or to tell him one last anecdote. Jim did that at times.

“Come,” he called out, trying not to sound overly eager.

However, it was not Jim. It was his father, Sarek.

Spock stood, trying to calm his heartbeat. When he was a child, Sarek had rarely approached him alone, unless it was to express his dissatisfaction with Spock. Spock could not help but feel like Sarek was disapproving of him now, even though he could not think of anything specific that he might have done recently to deserve the disapproval.

“Father,” he greeted him warily.

Sarek nodded at him. “May I sit?”

Spock gestured towards the only chair in his room, the one by his desk, confused by this strange turn of events. In the past, Sarek usually just walked in to his room, informed him of what it was Spock had done that displeased him and what he must do to remedy the error, and given him a disapproving look before he left. He had never asked to sit. Sitting implied a conversation, which Spock had rarely, if ever, had with his sire.

Sarek gingerly sat in Spock’s chair and gestured awkwardly to the bed.

Spock nodded and moved to sit on it.

“I apologize for interrupting your meditation,” Sarek started.

Spock’s eyes widened and he shrugged, unsure how to respond.

Sarek stared at him dispassionately for a long moment and Spock resisted the urge to squirm. He was a fully grown adult now, and yet Sarek could always make him feel small and inadequate with just one look.

“Your mother feels that we should speak,” Sarek began.

That was not what Spock expected his father to say. “Why?” he raised an eyebrow.

“She and I have both noticed you watching Selenn and his behavior towards Jim.”

Spock nodded cautiously.

“Your mother believes that you wonder at the wisdom of raising you so strictly Vulcan.”

Spock could not stop himself from giving Sarek a surprised look.

“It is a concern that she has expressed to me continuously, ever since you were born.”

Spock was definitely gaping now.

“Is this true?” Sarek asked. “Do you share this concern with your mother?”

Spock wondered what the correct answer was to this question.

“Speak your mind, Spock.”

“That would be unwise.”

“What is necessary is never unwise.”

Spock gave his father a look. After a long pause, he suppressed a sigh. “I'm as conflicted as I once was as a child.”

“Because Selenn raised a human child in a human way, and ensured that Jim retained his humanity. And I did not do the same for you.”

Spock nodded.

“You are not human, Spock.”

“Neither am I fully Vulcan.”

Sarek nodded. “Perhaps I should have conceded to more of what your mother wanted. To be less stringent with you, given your humanity.”

“You allowed me to feel as if my mother was a disadvantage,” Spock said softly. “As if my humanity was a handicap.”

Sarek nodded slowly.

“I feel anger for this,” Spock continued.

Sarek nodded. “It is logical that you would feel this.”

“I do not understand the logic of having a half human child if you feel that a human is inferior to a Vulcan.”

“It was never my intention to make you believe that I ever thought your mother or yourself inferior, due to your humanity,” Sarek spoke slowly, as if the words were difficult for him. “You will always be a child of two worlds. I am grateful for this. And for you.”

Spock gave him a disbelieving look.

“Your mother believes that I have taken such a strict stance about being completely Vulcan with you not because you are half human. But because of what happened with your brother.”

“Sybok.”

“He turned away from everything that made him Vulcan. I feared you would do the same.”

“Because I am not fully Vulcan?”

“No, Spock. Because you are my son. As Sybok was.”

“My mother never rejected me the way Sybok’s did,” Spock told his father. “I believe that even though Sybok grew to love my mother, he never got over the fact that the search for logic was more important to his mother than the love of her own child. He turned away from logic the way his mother turned away from him because of it.”

Sarek nodded. “I do not believe that your mother is a disadvantage. I have never believed that.”

Spock couldn’t help the disbelieving look he gave his father.

“You asked me once why I married your mother. I married her because I love her.”

Spock frowned at his father. Sarek was telling him the truth here, he could tell. His father loved his mother.

“I was bonded to T’Rea in the way you were bonded to T’Pring. I did not love her the way I love your mother. When T’Rea chose to pursue _kolinahr_ , it was a logical decision to dissolve our union. She had already birthed an offspring and ensured the continuation of her lineage. We were satisfied with this outcome and the dissolution of our marriage was logical. Losing her did not hurt me, not in the way that losing your mother would have. Perhaps I should have been more concerned about what her leaving him at such a young age would have done to Sybok.”

Spock shrugged. He did not know. Sybok had been much older than he, and he had been kept out of the feud between his brother and his father. All he remembered was how kind Sybok had been to him, the kindest any Vulcan had ever been to him.

“I do not know if how we raised you, to be fully Vulcan, was the right decision. But I see now that Starfleet was the right path for you,” Sarek continued. “You have flourished here. You are more content here without those who continued to make you feel less than you are, merely for their illogical judgement that their own race surpasses all others.”

Spock nodded cautiously.

“I am… gratified that you are content, my son.”

“Thank you.”

Sarek gave him a long look. “Do not forget that I am grateful for you. And your mother.”

Spock nodded.

Sarek stood and left, and Spock sat on his bed for the rest of the night, both more unsettled than ever, but also more content than ever. In the morning, he greeted his mother with a kiss good morning and gripped her hands tightly before eating breakfast.

If only Jim would choose to be his first officer. He would not ask for anything more.

\--------------------------------------------

Spock stood on the bridge of the Enterprise, surveying his newly re-outfitted vessel. She was a feat of engineering. Mister Scott had outdone himself.

“Engineering thrusters and impulse engines at your command, sir,” Sulu reported.

Chekov swiveled his chair towards him. “Weapons systems and chutes on standby.”

“Dock control reports ready, Captain,” Uhura told him.

Spock nodded his head and met the gazes of each member of the bridge crew, conveying his approval tacitly, even though he was torn. He was excited about captaining the Enterprise and looked forward to their upcoming missions, and he was pleased that almost every crew member had agreed to return to serve on the Enterprise with him. But he was also sad that there was one significant exception. He could have brought more pressure to bear on the human, but Jim was his friend and Spock wished him to be happy. He could not ask Jim to do something that would make him unhappy.

He pressed the comm button. “Mister Scott?”

“Dilithium chambers at maximum, Captain.” Off to the side, Spock’s keen hearing picked out Mister Scott yelling, no doubt to Ensign Keenser to get down.

“Mister Sulu, prepare to engage thrusters,” Spock caught his helmsman’s eye. He would have to appoint Sulu as his first officer once they were under way, since Jim had not responded to his offer.

The turbolift doors opened at the last minute, and Jim walked onto the bridge. He was clad in the Vulcan fleet uniform, and not for the first time, Spock thought that the uniform flattered his already lithe figure.

“Permission to come aboard, Captain,” Jim stood in front of him.

“Permission granted.”

“As you have yet to select a first officer, respectfully, I would like to submit my candidacy. Should you desire, I can provide character references,” Jim couldn’t help but smile as he said it and Spock could feel the corners of his mouth tug upwards as well.

“It would be my honor, Commander,” he responded.

Jim’s smile was wide and his blue eyes danced as he nodded and turned to nod to everyone on the bridge. He thumped Doctor McCoy’s back as he walked past. “Bones,” he smiled at the man and the doctor rolled his eyes and folded his arms, a most defensive posture, although Spock caught the smile lurking on Doctor McCoy’s face after Jim had passed him.

“Maneuvering thrusters, Mister Sulu,” Spock resumed their undocking protocols.

“Thrusters on standby.”

“Take us out.”

Spock was leaving for the final frontier now. His heart was full. He had mended his relationship with his parents, and the crew of the Enterprise had banded together and become loyal to each other during their battle against Nero, and now Jim would be serving alongside him on the Enterprise. It was everything that he had hoped for. He knew that they would succeed together, and he could not help but look forward to what the future may bring. A future that he hoped would contain much of what the elder Spock had hinted at, with regard to his friendship with Jim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! Hope you enjoyed this! :D
> 
> The title of the story comes from a portion of a line from the Beastie Boy's [Sabotage](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5rRZdiu1UE).  
> As I've mentioned before, all Vulcan translations were sourced from the [Vulcan Language Dictionary](https://www.starbase-10.de/vld/).
> 
> I twisted the movie around and used this transcript of the movie at [this site](http://www.chakoteya.net/Extras/movie2009.html). You can cross reference the script to see what I borrowed and twisted to make into this AU.
> 
> I usually have songs that helped me write but for this story, I had the DVD of the movie playing pretty much continuously on my laptop for the first half of the story, and then it was mostly random songs on my playlist. I didn't really have any songs to help me focus my writing on this one. But I would also have to credit this story: [Graduate Vulcan for Fun and Profit](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17969) by lazulisong which I read some time ago and just rattled around in my head for a long time. The idea of a Jim that was raised by a Vulcan was super attractive, so my Jim had that, and was also rescued from Tarsus IV, like the Jim in lazulisong's story was. But then I decided to twist that into this AU where Jim never went to Starfleet and went into the path that Sarek would have wanted for Spock (Vulcan Science Academy, etc.). It was fun. And if you haven't read lazulisong's story, you totally should because it is awesome. I'm going to go read it again after I post this ;)
> 
> Thank you so much for giving this story a read! Many thanks for the comments, kudos, subscriptions, bookmarks, etc. You guys rock!
> 
> <3  
> -j  
> xoxo


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